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Class (x. ^A_D_ 
Book.. *W <^ 7 

Copyright N° 



COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



Digitized by the Internet Archive 
in 2011 with funding from 
The Library of Congress 



http://www.archive.org/details/smilingroundworlOOwild 



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Picturesque Advertising in Colombo 



SMILING ROUND 

THE 

WORLD 

MARSHALL P.WILDER 

yfuthor 

" The Sunny Side of the Street " 
and "People Tve Smiled With 




Illustrated 



> > > 

3 3 




FUNK £• WAGNALLS COMPANY 

NEW YORK.- LONDON 

1908 



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i) 







fUBRAKY of OONasSESS: 
Swo Copies rtecesv^ 

MAY 2 1908 
i ^ ° s ' ? 7 

U -.— — - — «**« 



Copyright, 1908, by 

FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY 

Printed in the United States of America 

Published May, 1908 



Dedicated 

To 

Sophie, My Wife 



INTRODUCTION 

When I was a small boy, the world, if I stopped 
to think about it, seemed not only as big as I could 
see from sky-line to sky-line, but it went off into 
still further space — stretching away and away into 
unfathomable distance, the thought of which made 
my breath come and go, and little shivers run up 
and down my back. Then I got scared, and con- 
cluded it was about time to go and tease the cat, or 
put snuff on the stove, or indulge in some other of 
the amenities by which boys sweeten existence for 
their elders. 

As I got bigger, the world got smaller, but not 
in proper ratio. I didn't get big enough, and the 
world still stretched from horizon to horizon. I 
bridged part of the distance — at times — but always 
came back to the starting-point with the feeling 
that the job was incomplete. So, one fine day, I 
made up my mind that I must see what lay beyond 
those baffling horizons; and the only way to get 
'round them both was to go in a circle. Hence this 
trip — of many moons and many miles. Hence this 
book — of many jests and many smiles; offered as 
something better than a mere bagatelle of humor; 
perhaps a solace, a compensation — who can tell? 

3 



INTRODUCTION 

For there is a compensation in everything,— even to 
the man who was blessed with a disorderly wife. 
No matter how much everything was at sixes and 
sevens in the house, and nothing in its rightful 
place, he could always get up in the middle of the 
night and put his hand on the fly-paper, without 
ever having to strike a match. 
Merrily yours, 

Marshall P. Wilder. 



Thanks are due to the Eastman Kodak Company for privi- 
leges granted to the author. 



CONTENTS 



I. Across the Continent 19 

"Besting" Fate— The Undertaker and the 
Doctors — The Irishman's Bird — How we 
Missed the Grand Canon — Lunch-counter 
Ethics — The Lady from County Down — 
"George, have you Seen my Maid?" — 
How I Milked the Cow — The Gila Monster 
— The One Place that is Hotter than Hades 
— She was Afraid of Me and the Evil Eye 
— The "Mongolia" is There. 

II. On the Pacific 42 

A Double Send-off — Chinese Service — Sa- 
loon Boys and Their Attire — We Are Intro- 
duced to "Pidgin-English" — How to Cap- 
ture a Chair — The Boatswain Playing Fan- 
Tan — Pretty Chinese at Her Devotions — 
"Sky Pilot" Brings Bad Luck— Captain 
Drops Sunday — My First Ocean Trip — 
Leper Island and Father Damien — Wel- 
comed by the Naval Boys. 

III. Hawaii 56 

We Are Garlanded with Wreaths of Wel- 
come — My First Experience as a Chauffeur 
— Luncheon Amid the Palms — We See the 
Sights of the Town — Stump Speakers in 
the Vernacular — Lovely Pali — "One-Finger 
Poi ' ' — The Aquarium — Surf -Eiding — Phe- 
nomenal Eice Crops — Imported Labor — 
Japanese Invasion — Captain Cook's Monu- 
ment—How "Bill" Swore Off— My Poetic 
Friend, Charley Stoddard — How I Strug- 



CONTENTS 

gled with the Architecture of the Hawaiian 
Language — My Good Friend, Lieutenant- 
Governor Atkinson — The Handsome Bache- 
lor of the Islands — Fire-Drill — Approaching 
the Shores of Japan. 

IV. Japan 79 

Yeddo Bay — Sacred Fujiyama — The Fall 
of the Great Official — Taking Tempera- 
tures- — Mountain Pilgrims — Tattooed Sam- 
pan Eowers — Grand Hotel, Yokohama— Man- 
ager Eppinger — Captain Da vies' Kindness 
and Courtesy to Us — Eiding in a 'Eick- 
sha — Paymaster McDonald of U. S. 
Navy — Shrine and Tea-House — Accom- 
plished Madam Fujita — Clean, Little Ja- 
pan — The Japanese Student in London — 
"Please Wipe Your Feet M — Everything 
Small — Famous Flower Festivals — Japa- 
nese Art as a Brainstorm — Taken Serious- 
ly from the Connoisseur's Standpoint. 

V. Snap Shots op Japan - - - 99 

Streets Overflowing with Life and Color — 
Children as the Sands of the Sea — Baby 
Nurses — Street Venders and Eating- 
Stands — Continual Baking and Brewing — 
Shops Open to the Street — Domestic Life 
Seen Through Open Screens — Fire-boxes — 
I Try to Make Some Purchases — Japanese 
Money of an Ancient Vintage — Inroad of 
American and European Ideas— Marriage 
in Japan — Eailroad Travel — ' ' Buffalo 
Bill" and the Englishman — Wail of the 
Lost Souls — No Outward Signs of War — 
Their Brass Bands — Japanese Mother and 
Her Three Sons — The Bounty- Jumper 's 
Glass Eye — A Nation of Imitators — Eelig- 
ious Aspects Amusing as Well as Interest- 
ing — Ancient and Primitive Methods — 
Everything Done in the Hardest Way — Evo- 
lution of the New Japan. 



CONTENTS 
VI. The Emperor 's Birthday - - 118 

A Holiday for All Japan — Streets a Mass 
of Color — Tiny Human Butterflies — A 
Courteous Crowd — Eight Thousand Troops 
in Line — Gold-lace Diplomats — The Crown 
Prince is Greeted with Shouts — Emperor 
with Eeverent Silence — His Face not His 
Fortune— " Ole Hats ! "— Big Wigs Swap 
Stories — Banquet in Imperial Palace — Jap- 
anese Editorial — Ambassador Griscom and 
His Charming Wife — Stars and Stripes 
Float over Shabbiest Buildings. 

VII. Visit to a Japanese Theater, 

Tokyo 128 

Theater of Old Japan Now Merely Leg- 
endary—We Set Out for the Theater— To- 
kyo a City of Magnificent Distances — 
Whirled in a 'Eicksha — Street Signs — Open 
Shops — Shrill Horn of the Candy Seller — 
Paper Lanterns for Practical Use — Soft 
Minor Note of the Blind Masseur — Perfect 
Stage Setting — Takata, Great Woman Im- 
personator — Danjiro, Most Famous Female 
Impersonator — Actors ' Private Curtains — 
Wonderful Audience — Everybody Smo- 
king — Paddy and the Trombone — Children 
Everywhere — Sata, the Great Actor — No 
Lack of Fine Acting — Must be " Letter 
Perfect" in Three Days — Orchestra and 
Electric Lights — Fortunate in Seeing First 
Performance of Modern Plays. 

VIII. A Glance at the Japanese Fire 

and Police Departments - - 140 

The Watchman and His Clanking Sword — 
Primitive Fire-House Methods — Only Three 
Steam-Engines in Yokohama — Hitched Up 
After Alarm is Sent in — Fires Get Tremen- 
dous Headway — Easy Jump from Low 
Buildings— Whole Outfit Seems Like a Toy 

7 



CONTENTS 

— I Get a Permit and Visit a Police Station 
— School for Ju-jutsu — Fine Exhibition of 
Wrestling — Troupe of Traveling Amazon 
Wrestlers — Broadway Squad Might Bene- 
fit — Minister of Justice Gives Me a Permit 
to Visit Sugamo Prison, Tokyo — "I am an 
American, and Glad of It" — Nat Good- 
win's Dog — Watch Five Corridors at Once 
—Chaplain Exhorts— Well Fed, Well Taken 
Care of, and Certainly Contented — Impris- 
onment in Japan not the Worst Thing 
Could Befall a Man. 

IX. First Impressions of China - - 152 

Harbor at Mouth of Yang-tse-Kiang — An- 
cient Junk — Fish-Net Begging — The Bund 
— Oriental Paris — Chinese Jaunting-Car — 
Porker Takes a Bide — Becruits Drill with 
Sand — Bronze Statues are Sikh Policemen — 
Three Cities in One — American Consul-Gen- 
eral Goodnow — Mr. George Mooser and Beau- 
tiful Wife — ' 'Pman American, but I speak 
English' ' — Same as when Queen Bess 
Beigned — Ancient Walled City — I am 
Seized by Horrible Chinese Beggar — Make 
Way for the Man with the Burden — Foot- 
binding Practised by all Classes — Anti- 
Footbinding Society — Fuchau Boad and 
Sing-Song Girls — Tiffin on the " Monad- 
nock' ' — I Entertain the Jackies — Street 
Pageants — ' ' Pidgin-English. ' ' 

X. A Visit to a Chinese Theater - 168 

I Compare the Art of Two Countries — The 
Chinese Suffer Greatly — Stage Merely 
Baised Platform — Nerve-racking Orches- 
tra — Befreshments All Bound — Everybody 
Drinks Tea — Chinese Wife Smokes a Valu- 
able Pipe — The Demi-Monde Get Green 
Cups — Actors Shriek with Falsetto Voices — 
Tell What They Are Going to Do Before- 

8 



CONTENTS 

hand — No Scenery and Pew Properties — 
Prances Like Horse — Wear Painted Masks — 
There Are No Actresses — Attempt at 
Vaudeville — She Entertained the Bores — 
Preposterous Heroes and Characters — Noth- 
ing Funnier than Chinese Theater Except 
Practise-Drill of Chinese Soldiers. 

XI. The Majesty of the Law in China 176 

Police Department Very Cosmopolitan — 
Mixed Court — 'Bicksha Inspection — I Visit 
the Court and am Introduced to the Man- 
darin Magistrate — He Wears the Little 
Bound Button — Police Bun in Prisoners by 
the Cue — Sentenced to Certain Number of 
Strokes with the Bamboo — Wearing the 
Cangue — Attendants Sit on the Prisoner, 
While He Gets One Hundred on His Bare 
Legs — In the Ancient Walled City Terri- 
ble Cruelties Are Practised — The Ling Chee, 
or Hundred Cuts — Signs His Own Death- 
Warrant — Wholesale Bribery — Execution of 
Pirates — ( ' My Just Make Little Squeeze ! ' ' 
— Not Even Above Blackmail. 



XII. Manila : the Old and the New - 187 

Landing of Magellan — Drinking Blood Con- 
tract — Haughty Spaniards — Chinese Pi- 
rates — Era of Peace — The Silver Galleons — 
Greedy Dutch — Battle of Playa Honda — 
Japanese Ambassador — Beligious Embassy 
— Jealous Portuguese — Spanish Friars Put 
to Death — British Squadron Arrives — 
Bombards the City — Great Losses by the 
British — The Peace of Paris — British Em- 
bark and Sail for India — Islands Settle 
Down Under Spanish Dominion — Dewey's 
Guns Change the Map — My Debt to an 
Accomplished Manilian — What the U. S. A. 
Has Done for Manila — Two Centuries of 
Dirt Bemoved. 

9 



CONTENTS 
XIII. The Manila of To-day - - - 195 

In Seven Years the United States Govern- 
ment Has Performed Herculean Tasks — 
Great Filtering Plant — Absolutely Pure 
Water — Cleanest Bill of Health in the Uni- 
verse — Civil as Well as Military Govern- 
ment — Admirable Police Force — Dollar Has 
Lost Its Name — The Universal Conant — 
Van-Loads of New Money — I Buy a Pan- 
ama Hat for Twenty Conant — "She Ac- 
knowledges to Twenty-Five ' ; — Fine Fire De- 
partment Built on New York Lines — Trolley 
Line — New City Hall and Laboratory — 
Beautiful Luneta — Fine Harbor Works — 
Fiesta of the Virgin of Antipolo — Flour- 
ishing Candle Business — Popular " Mayor' ' 
Brown — His Big Heart and Hospitable 
Home — The Consumptive 's Dying Wish 
Fulfilled— I Tell the Mayor a Story of 
Speaker Eeed — "I Don't Want the Horse 
to See You!" 



XIV. Native Life in Manila - - - 211 

Costumes Unchanged — Beautiful Textures — 
Woven from Pineapple Leaf — Put Cigar 
in Baby's Mouth for Safe-Keeping — Men's 
Shirts a Mere Thought — Chinese Marry 
Filipino Women and Become Good Catho- 
lics — Water in Standard Oil Cans — Cock- 
fighting the National Amusement — Booster 
the Most Important Member of the Family 
— Housekeeping Hard for Americans — In- 
competent Servants — Spaniards Used to 
Whip Them — Domestic Life Among the 
Planter and Merchant Classes— Charming 
Homes and Happy Hearts — Graceful Hos- 
pitality — Their Pleasures and Amusements 
— Miracle Play — Fireworks and Home to 
Bed — Emilio Aguinaldo — His Wings 
Clipt, and He Will Soar no More. 

10 



CONTENTS 
XV. Bildbid Prison . - - - 222 

Tragedy Enacted in the Old Spanish Prison 
— Insurrection of Prisoners — Escape of 
Sixty at Malahi Island — Winchester Eifles 
from the Towers Quash Eevolt — Gatling Gun 
also Takes a Hand — Over in Five Minutes — 
I Visit the Prison Shortly After — Fifteen 
Killed and Many Wounded — Warden Wolf 
and His Assistant Mr. Stewart Show Me 
Over the Ancient Prison and Tell Me Its 
History — Houses Largest Number in the 
World — Forty-seven Hundred, and Only 
One Hundred and Fifty Are White — Gangs 
Sent Out Daily to Work on Eoads — Good 
Prison Fare Famous — Natives Would Like 
Prison Lodging if Hard Work Did Not Go 
Along with It — American Indifference — 
Present Condition of Filipinos Thousand- 
fold Better than in Four Centuries — Future 
Full of Splendid Possibilities— The True 
Story of a Duck. 



XVI. A Parting Glimpse of China - 231 

Harbor of Hong Kong — A Beautiful Sight 
— Terraced Hillsides — Busy Wharves and 
Female Coolie Laborers — A Wonderful City 
— Handsome Eesidences at the Peak — 
Beautiful View — Grabbing Eeal Estate — 
The Boy, the Apple, the Sixpence, and the 
Bible—' < I '11 Make a Politician of Him ! ' '— 
1 ' You 're a Hog, and You '11 Never Get Over 
It ! ' ' — Americans Unwelcome — They Are 
Fair Game for Extortion and Eobbery — We 
Are Invited to Dine with Mr. Wei Yuk — 
Are Carried Up the Peak by Coolie 
Bearers — A Palatial Eesidence and a 
Princely Eepast — Charming and Cultivated 
Hosts — How a Chinese Lady of High Eank 
Dresses — Splendid Jewels. 

11 



CONTENTS 

XVII. Canton, and Trip From Hong 

Kong to Ceylon - - - 239 

Medieval City of Canton — Chinese Pagodas 
of A. D. 1400 — Civil Service Examinations 
— Education the Only Patent of Nobility — 
General Grant Most Honored American — 
Actors Outcasts and Pariahs — City of the 
Dead — Shameen 2 — Macao — Grotto of Camo- 
ens — Eastern Monte Carlo — Missionaries 
Unpopular — Americans Not — The Future 
Alone Can Tell! — Christmas Dinner on 
Board the "Prinz Eitel Friedrich ' ; — Pool- 
ing for Presents — Brilliant and Beautiful 
Table Decorations — Dinner Served in Pro- 
cessions — The Very Swell Gravy-Bearer — 
Songs of All Nations — The Towering 
Christmas Tree and Its Presents — Christmas 
Day at Singapore — A Hot Old Time, if 
Nothing Else. 

XVIII. Singapore 253 

The White Man's Grave — Innovations and 
Improvements — Stigma Bemoved — Pictur- 
esque Crowd on Wharf — Natives of Madras 
Coast — -Malays Dislike Work — The Sarong 
and Fez — We Drive Up to the Town in a 
Gharry — Ponies Are Like Dogs — Bubbed 
Down with a Bag — Shrieking for Two Dol- 
lars an Hour — -Baffles Hotel and Baffles 
Square — Sir Stanford Baffles, Who Secured 
Singapore for England — An Enthusiastic 
Collector of Native Flora and Fauna — The 
Blow that Deprived Him of Wife and Chil- 
dren as Well as His Marvelous Collection — 
Botanical Garden — Chinamen Outnumber 
Entire Cosmopolitan Population — Fill the 
Offices and Become Thoroughly English — 
Gorgeous 'Bickshas — Paid in Bice — Opium 
Trade Flourishes — Secret Societies — Penang. 

12 



CONTENTS 
XIX. Ceylon : The Door-sill of India - 262 

Only Gem of the Sea — Gorgeous Ensemble 
of Color — Dugout Canoes — Black Tamils — 
Handsome and Commodious Hotel — Mr. 
Hoffer, an Ideal Hotel Manager, Late of 
the Cecil, London — Head Waiter " Jo- 
seph' 9 — Bathing at Mt. Lavinia — My Creole 
Friend of the Isle Bourbon — Native Moun- 
tain His Sepulcher — Took America au seri- 
eux—' i I Have Seen the Sun at Midnight ! ' ' 
— Giant Cat's-eyes — Snake-Charmers — The 
Mongoose — Bullocks as Pets — Cow is Sa- 
cred — Familiar Crows — Variety of Native 
Life and Costume — Cingalese Disdain Labor 
— Tea-Growing: Its Profits — Buried Cities 
of Ceylon — We Escape the Dreaded P. and 
O. and Embark on the German Liner. 



XX. Cairo of To-day - - - - 282 

History of the Great Ditch — "Le Grand 
Francois' ' and How He Fulfilled the Ora- 
cle's Prophecy for Egypt — Monotonous 
Aspects — Bible Scenes — Enormous Tolls — 
Port Said — The Great Barrage — English 
Prejudice — Mecca Pilgrims — Bewildering 
Sights and Sounds of Cairo — Funeral 
Mourners — Public Scribes — Shopkeepers ' 
Bitter Eivalry — Cairene Wedding Proces- 
sion — The Whirling Dervishes — The Howl- 
ing Dervishes — The Citadel — Tombs of the 
Califs — The Pyramids and Sphinx — Guides 
All Lie in Seven Different Languages — Incu- 
bators — Spot Where Moses Was Found — Obe- 
lisk of Heliopolis — Museum and Mummies — 
"Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant! " 
— Eecruiting the Army — The University — 
Six Powers with Hand on the Cash-Box — 
Ismail's Mad Legacy. 

13 



CONTENTS 
XXI. Naples 316 

The Famous Bay — Beautiful Shore-Line to 
Pompeii — Herculaneum — We Walk on the 
Seething Crust of Solfatara — Pozzuoli — 
Baiae and Its Famous Kuins — We Lunch at 
the Little Inn, and Drink the Historic Wine 
of Posilipo — l i Spaghett I ' ' — Agrippina 's 
Villa and Her Cruel Murder — The Grotto 
del Cane — The Neapolitan Puppy — I Tell 
Him a Story— " Shall I T'row Heem in?" 
— The American's Unexpected Beply — The 
Pink Coral Grotto — How the Head Eower 
Tried to do Us — The Landlord's Pathetic 
Appeal — I Call My Bluff — We Leave Naples 
with a Sense of Relief. 



XXII. Gibraltar 326 

First View Disappointing — Adequate Arma- 
ment — Everything Truly English — We Drive 
About and Make Some Purchases — Tommy 
Atkins Shows Us the Gates — Beautiful Flow- 
ers Blooming Everywhere — British Domina- 
tion Apparent — Will England Ever Restore 
the Rock? — Her Rule in Egypt Greatly Ben- 
eficial — Possession Nine Points of the Law 
— Homeward Bound — We Embark for 
America — Passing Through the Azores — 
Real Paradises — We Sight Fayal — Temper- 
ature Becomes Cooler — I Put on Two Over- 
coats — Can Almost Smell Broadway — The 
Narrows — The Goddess Waves Her Torch at 
Us — We Sweep Up to the Dock — Smiling 
Faces and Outstretched Hands — Dear Old 
New York — Glorious America — Beloved 
Home! 



14 



ILLUSTRATIONS 



FACING PAGE 

Picturesque Advertising in Colombo Frontispiece s 

HAWAII: 

Girl Wearing Lei 
Surf-Boat Riding 
The Hawaii Hotel 56 * 

JAPAN: 

A Public School 

A Wayside Shrine 

A Fair Smoker 

Sightseeing in Tokyo 80 

At the Tea-House of the 101 Steps 

A Street Restaurant 

Nunobiki Waterfall 96 J 

Three Little Maids 

A Watering-Cart 

Wrestlers 

A Japanese Mother 116 

The Emperor's Carriage 
A Messenger Boy 
A Smiling Reception 

The Emperor of Japan 144 

15 



ILLUSTRATIONS 



FACING PAGE 



CHINA : 

Asleep in His Cab 

Kiver Life 

Prisoners Wearing the Cangue 

The Willow Pattern Tea-House .... 160 . 

Chen Dong 

A Sikh Policeman 

Two Police Sergeants 

A Shanghai Victoria 180 > 

Eesidence of a Chinese Gentleman 

Chinese Junks and a Pagoda 

On a Native Barrow 

A Street in Canton 236 

MANILA: 

Ancient Fire Department 

Nipa House 

Modern Fire Department • . 208 

Two Old Boosters 

A Eope-Walk 

A Filipino Mother 

" Mayor' ' Brown's Residence and Carriage 228 

CEYLON: 

A Cingalese Belle 
Indian with Caste Mark 
The Galleface Hotel 

A Native Ferry 268 

16 



ILLUSTKATIONS 

FACING PAGE 

EGYPT: 

A Load of Turkeys 
An Egyptian Mother 
A Cake-Seller 

The Tent in Which the Holy Carpet is Car- 
ried to Mecca 
A Street Circus 288 

Water-Sellers 

The Sphinx 

Eapid Transit in the Desert 308 

Public Letter- Writer 

The Obelisk at Heliopolis 

Sleeping in the Street 312 

ITALY: 

Seeing Pompeii 

A Policeman of Naples 

Eating Spaghetti 324 



17 



ACEOSS THE CONTINENT 

" Besting' ' Fate — The Undertaker and the Doctors — The 
Irishman's Bird — How we Missed the Grand Canon — 
Lunch-counter Ethics — The Lady from County Down — 
" George, have you Seen my Maid" — How I Milked 
the Cow — The Gila Monster — The One Place that is 
Hotter than Hades — She was Afraid of Me and the 
Evil Eye— The "Mongolia" is There. 

THEKE is a morbid desire latent in the breast 
of nine- tenths of humanity to have it out 
with Fate, sooner or later, and to "best" 
her, if we can. 

If the old lady — she must be old, for we have 
all heard of her since we were able to hear any- 
thing — if the old lady has been particularly hard 
on us, we feel that our grievance is just about the 
worst ever ; and then we want to do something des- 
perate. If we are in the neighborhood of eight 
years or thereabouts, we fly to the candy-shop and 
sink our all in peppermints and gumdrops. If we 
are at the romantic period, when love has every- 
thing else at a discount, we get real reckless, and 
say to our best girl, "Come to the altar! let us 
plunge! — Ho! there, instalment man! rag-time 

19 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

portieres and marble- top cradles for ours ! ' ' Then, 
when we have done the deed, we're not sorry — no, 
indeed! only it entails responsibility and things; 
and consequences — the inevitable consequences, as 
Kipling puts it. So let me give you a little sug- 
gestion : "When the reckless fit overtakes you, start 
on a journey, if not 'round the world, then 'round 
the back yard. Never mind the expense — plunge ! 
Remember, you're going to get even with Fate! 
and, besides, think of the reward. Travel is the 
greatest educator. Travel opens the mind and bot- 
tles of good cheer, and hospitable doors, and the 
arms of friendship; it sometimes closes them, too, 
but never mind that. Keep going, — ' ' Keep ahead, ' ' 
as the undertaker said to the doctor at the funeral, 
"I know my place in this procession!" 

Now, that was what we thought when we started 
to tour the world ; but, try as we would, we couldn't 
keep our place in the procession. We started for 
the Grand Canon of the Colorado in Arizona; 
that was to have been our first stopping-place. But 
we were like the Irishman who started out on a 
bet to shoot a certain bird ; he missed the bird, but 
killed a frog. He picked it up, and looked at it 
in surprise. "Be gobs!" he said, "I knocked the 
feathers off it, anny way ! ' ' The Grand Canon was 
our bird; we didn't hit it, but we knocked the 
feathers off it in the way of divers unexpected ad- 
ventures, as will be shown later. 

20 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

The start was propitious, and everything went 
forward favorably, until Kansas City was reached. 
We arrived early in the morning, and were re- 
quested by the conductor to get breakfast at the 
eating station. Yet that man had seemed to be 
our friend! 

As we couldn't eat the food, we turned our at- 
tention to the people. Not that we felt cannibal- 
ish— but it gave us something to do. 

There was a youth at the quick-lunch counter 
who served coffee, and there was a maiden beside 
him who occasionally changed a plate or handed 
out a spoon when she wasn't caressing her sky- 
scraper pompadour, or smoothing out a beruffled 
white apron that had perceptibly shrunk in the 
wash. 

The young man's running fire of remarks to cus- 
tomers, and side compliments to her, sounded some- 
thing like this : 

"See here! if you've finished, get a move on and 
give somebody else a show! Say, Mame, there's 
one o' them up-town girls that think so much of 
themselves. Why, they ain't a marker to you! I 
tell you, you're worth — fifteen cents please, and the 
cup don't go with the coffee for a souveneer. Say, 
Mame, was you to Nellie's last night? I bet you 
looked out of sight. I couldn't get away from this 
beanery. That's the very best butter, madam; we 
get it five miles out in the country. What's that? 

21 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

No ; I don't reckon it walked all the way here. Ain't 
she fresh?" 

A stout woman hovered along the line seated by 
the counter, like a perturbed hen trying to find a 
hole in the chicken yard fence. She held a small 
tin pail and had evidently come from the car of 
excursionists attached to our train. She inquired 
anxiously of the Ganymede of the coffee urn: 

"Say, young feller, what's yer coffee wuth a 
cup?" But Ganymede was too closely occupied 
to heed her. Finally she poked a beetle-browed old 
gentleman in the back with the dime she held, re- 
peating, 

"Say, Mister, what's coffee wuth a cup here?" 

Turning fiercely, the man glared at her and 
snorted : 

"Well, they charge ten cents, but it ain't wuth 
a damn!" 

"Washouts on the road!" was the word when 
we returned to the train and we must be switched 
south at Newton, Kansas. We had visions of the 
Grand Canon receding into the future and darker 
ones of spending we knew not how many days on the 
train. So we looked about us to see what manner 
of people were to be our traveling companions. 
They were certainly varied. 

At the end of the car were a mother and daugh- 
ter, the latter of uncertain age, but certainly old 
enough to have a cup of tea do her good. Every 

22 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

morning during the entire trip they arrayed them- 
selves completely, even to bonnets and gloves, and 
sat there demurely all day, as if they were in a 
trolley ear, and expected to step off at the next 
corner. 

Back of us was an old Irish woman — the pathetic 
sort that are peculiar to County Down. She would 
confide her story in a plaintive, little monotone to 
every one. She sidled into our seat and confided 
to us that she was going to " Calif orny" — 

"To my daughter," she explained. "God knows 
I want some few days of sunshine before I go 
intirely. I'm not strong, and I a,te no thin' at 
all, ye'd wonder what I live on. I've had no thin' 
the past three days but eight bottles of kumiss, four 
bottles of wine an' a box of crackers. Think of 
that, now — just nothin' at all." 

She went to one of the eating houses along the 
way and not knowing they would charge her for 
a full meal, she sat at one of the tables and ordered 
a cup of tea and a roll. Her indignation, when 
charged seventy-five cents, was sublime. It took 
the cashier, four waitresses and the proprietor to 
explain that she should have gone to the counter. 
But of no avail. The blood of County Down was at 
white heat. She raved like a madwoman. Finally, 
the cashier offered to take sixty cents — that was 
allowing fifteen cents for the rest of the dinner. 
He was a just man, and with a due sense of 

23 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

proportion. That's all the dinner was worth, any- 
how. 

When the old lady returned to the car, everybody 
was treated to the recital. 

"What do you think of a place where they would 
take sixty cents from an old woman, who has none 
too much, for wan cup of tay and wan small bun? 
'Tis fair robbery — that's what it is, and if me sons 
knew of it — mabie ye know me sons, they're prin- 
ters in New York. ' ' A deep dive into a pocket that 
must have reached to her feet brought up the card 
of these sons, who were printers, and of whom she 
was no doubt justly proud. 

"No, no. Kape the card — ye may need some 
printin' done some time, and they're good byes." 

This was repeated almost every day till I had a 
neat little pile of cards on my window-sill. 

Farther down the car was a would-be fashionable 
woman, the kind who affects an English accent and 
uses a lorgnette. She was traveling with her small 
daughter and a maid. The maid was evidently her 
most treasured possession, for she displayed the 
greatest anxiety on her account, ceaselessly asking 
every one the same question: Had they seen her 
Abigail? The small daughter was a bright, rest- 
less child, whose every action called forth a caution 
or a reprimand from the mother. 

"Nita, darling!" in a mincing, elegant tone, and 
quite piano, " my precious sweetheart " — then 

24 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

sforzando — crescendo fortissimo — "You little vixen 
— stop that, or I'll break your neck!" 

An Australian couple who were returning home 
by way of San Francisco, after having come to 
America by way of England, had the next sec- 
tion. She had talented Leslie-Carter hair — deeply, 
darkly, beautifully red — but after all, good Jesuit 
hair — the roots justified the ends. She was not at 
all pleased with America — oh, dear, no ! — and con- 
stantly aired her impressions in a strident voice, 
and with a strong, cockney accent. She thought 
America a "shocking plice ,, — -and very much over- 
rated — one she never cared to see "agine." And 
the railroad service — "the h'idea of dragging them 
all over the country, and cheating them out of 
the Grand Canon — why, it was downright dis- 
honest!" 

One section was curtained in all the time, and 
occasionally a hollow cough might be heard behind 
them. A poor consumptive, put on the train in 
almost a dying condition, was lying in the berth; 
going in search of health in the dry atmosphere of 
Arizona. 

The poor fellow was in a pitiful state, unable to 
help himself, and entirely dependent on the good 
offices of the conductor and porter, and a few of 
the passengers. One lady took him orange juice 
every morning and bathed his face and hands 
several times a day, talked encouragingly to him 

25 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

and tried to cheer him up — as sweet an exhibition 
of sympathy as one could wish to see. 

The consumptives are ubiquitous in overland 
travel, there being several on every western-bound 
train. It is right that they should be taken to the 
healing climate of Colorado and Arizona, but the 
fact that the Pullman Company allow them to 
travel in the regular coaches, where they spread 
contagion, and provide no other means of trans- 
portation is a criminal offense against the healthy 
people who are forced to expose themselves to the 
contagion. When so many States have made the 
question of guarding against this disease the sub- 
ject of legislation, it would seem as if they were 
neglecting a very pressing duty in allowing this 
menace to travelers to continue. 

The porter was an amusing character, and had a 
droll way of referring to himself in the third per- 
son. He said to me: 

"That po' feller am' never gwine live to see 
Arizona. George sees plenty — we carries fum two 
to five or six every trip, an' George knows. He 
look mighty bad. Why, he ain' nothin' but jes' a 
sperit's playmate!" 

George amused me very much, and I encouraged 
him to talk. I asked him if he was married. He 
said : 

"No, sah; but I got a gal. Nicest little gal you 
ever saw, she's pretty dark, but George likes 'em 

26 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

that-a-way, they can't come too black fer George. 
I am' got no kind o' time fer dese yer yaller ones, 
they simply ornery, they got all the big feelin's o' 
the white folks, an' the bad qualities o' the nig- 
gers ! ' ' 

Just then the lady with the lorgnette came along 
and peering through it at George, asked: "O 
George, have you seen my maid ? ' ' 

"No, ma'am, I ain't!" he said, adding when she 
passed on, "seems like she has an awful hard time 
keepin' up with that maid — she's so feared we 
won't know she's got one. George has seen big 
white folks down south so po' they didn't know 
whar they nex' meal was comin' fum, but, sah," 
impressively, "dey was quality jis de same. Dis 
yer 'ooman ain' got no mo' use fo' a maid dan a 
hawg's got fo' side pawkets!" 

George's quaint remarks, and very often homely 
wisdom, were a great solace to us through the long 
days that dragged by as we meandered aimlessly 
over the southwestern portion of this great and 
glorious country of ours. Down through Oklahoma 
and Texas, from Fort Worth across to El Paso, 
and up through Arizona and Southern California, 
we took our devious way, dodging washouts which 
seemed to multiply with alarming rapidity. 

In Oklahoma we were stalled for a day in a town 
called Shawnee, an excellent example of the wes- 
tern mushroom town. It boasted a population of 

27 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

seventeen thousand, had schools, churches, a town 
hall, electric lights and trolley cars, besides several 
newspapers. I had the honor of being interviewed 
by the editor of one of them. And yet, only three 
years previous, where the town stands, was the 
home of the deer and the wild turkey. There's 
enterprise for you. 

The supply on our " diner' ' gave out, and at 
this town we had our first experience with local 
restaurants. We went to the New England Home 
Restaurant, so-called; one of those restaurants 
where there is sand in the sugar, water in the milk, 
and money in the business. We didn't dare sit 
down, for fear we'd never get loose again. The 
sandwiches were made of bread at least two and a 
half inches thick with a piece of cold fried beef- 
steak between. 

My sandwich was taken from before a burly 
ranchman, who had fingered it, but as long as he 
hadn't tasted it, the proprietor considered it as 
good as new. We discouraged our appetites with 
some horrible coffee sweetened with brown sugar. 

A ranchman in picturesque attire came swinging 
in, and determining on something very swell, or- 
dered a cup of coffee and "two o' them" — pointing 
a sheepish finger at a couple of dejected-looking 
cream puffs. 

Picking up one, he turned it about, eyeing it 
doubtfully, and then opening his mouth, sank his 

28 



ACKOSS THE CONTINENT 

fine teeth, with a tremendous bite, into the? un- 
stable and treacherous dainty. The cream gushed 
out over his hand and chin, and with a howl of 
rage he dashed it on the counter, crying: "It's 
a blamed old New England swindle — 'tain't 
done!" 

We left the premises hastily, not exactly under- 
standing the etiquette that might be forthcoming, 
and not caring to "take a hand." 

From now on, we were forced to get our meals 
anyhow, any place, as we happened to arrive at 
one of the God-forsaken little towns that lie out 
so forlornly on the prairie. Those eating stations 
will always be among my choice collection of night- 
mares. Talk about the way the other half lives — 
it's nothing to the way the other half eats — down 
there! It is said that one can get used to any- 
thing, but given my choice, I think I'd rather try 
hanging. 

We took a chance at the real thing in hot tamales 
one day. A little boy was selling them at one of 
the stations. Well, after the first bite, mine fell 
out of the window. A lean and melancholy dog 
made a dive for it— gave a sniff, and with a dis- 
appointed look sneaked away, and I didn't blame 
him. He looked hungry, too. 

We finally hit on a plan that was our sole sal- 
vation. We bought a tin can, and when we'd come 
to a town we'd hail one of the ubiquitous small 

29 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

boys and send him for some milk. It was generally 
to be had close to the station, tho occasionally 
our boy had to sprint to catch up with the train. 

At one of those little prairie towns that seem to 
actually leap out of space, they come so suddenly 
into view, we found our cow in a shed by the sta- 
tion. We made quite a stop here and every one got 
out. There were two or three adobe houses, the 
station and a water-tank, a few straggling yucca 
palms, and all about us the wide, lonesome desert. 
A little knot of people were standing gazing at the 
train and passengers. I said to one of them: 
"How many inhabitants are there in this town?" 

Waving his hand comprehensively toward the 
group, he said: "Judge for yourself — they're all 
here!" But to return to our cow. Several of the 
passengers wished to follow our custom and buy 
some milk, and some adventurous ones even essayed 
the unaccustomed feat of milking the cow them- 
selves. I was offered the chance to try but refused, 
having sore recollections of my first and last at- 
tempt to milk. 

It was on my uncle's farm up in New York State, 
and I, wishing to do everything that a real farmer 
should, desired to enroll milking among my accom- 
plishments. Being of tender years, and with the 
confidence that usually accompanies that stage of 
life, I entered the barn for my first lesson, with 
the utmost nonchalance, and gaily humming a 

30 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

dairy tune. I don't remember how I came out, but 
I think it was by the elevator. When I first looked 
at the cow, she was all peace and contentment, but 
when she saw me she looked dissatisfied, and I 
knew there was a kick coming. She stopped chew- 
ing her cud and let it run down the loop, then 
after a few minutes she rang it up again, having 
decided upon her line of action. Later I discov- 
ered that I was on the line and very near the trans- 
mitter. 

My knowledge up to this time had been confined 
to the facts that cows had horns and gave milk, if 
you knew how to ask for it properly, but assuming 
a knowing air I said "so boss," which I believed 
to be the proper remark, and taking the pail be- 
tween my knees I sat down at her business end. 
Eecalling the rather limited instructions I had re- 
ceived before leaving the house, I gently took hold 
of the faucets. That's all I remember. 

I was quite willing to allow some one else to milk 
the cow in the shed by the railway station, and 
bought the milk as I had been doing. 

I never drank so much milk in my life as on that 
trip — that is, since I can remember — and even now 
I have an uncomfortable feeling when I meet a 
cow. I actually begin to use baby talk. 

At the aforementioned Shawnee we began to get 
some entertainment from our misfortunes. A 
young man from California, one of those serious 

31 



SMILING 'EOUND THE WOKLD 

fellows, with a face like a deacon, but a fund of 
humor within, wrote out telegrams containing the 
most airy flights of imagination, and showed them 
to the anxious and perspiring passengers, who spent 
their time pretty equally between swearing at the 
management of the road and making the poor con- 
ductor 's life miserable. 

One of these telegrams was shown to me. It 
stated that the herd of elephants belonging to 
Eingling Brothers' Circus, that was stalled forty 
miles away, were to be brought over, and take the 
passengers on their backs across the washouts, 
where another train would meet them. 

Looking around to discover the author of this 
delicious fiction, I was met by a preternaturally 
solemn glance and a comprehensive wink. 

After that we pooled our energies, and when I 
think of what we made that trainful of passengers 
believe, not to mention the several other trains we 
were always meeting, for we were generally stalled 
seven and eight deep, I am astonished at the cred- 
ulity of human nature. 

"We devised one telegram about a number of 
prairie schooners that were to come over the hills 
and take us by old Spanish trails far from the 
washouts. My serious young friend showed the 
message, very secretly, to an excitable little Ger- 
man, who evidently belonged to the Uneeda Child 
Company, for he had about a baker's dozen of 

32 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

small children, and a gentle childlike faith that 
was truly touching. 

We assured him that the conductor could let only 
a few in on this exceptional opportunity, as it 
would be impossible to take all the passengers. It 
would be necessary to secure tickets in order to get 
places, and he'd better do it now — and not let the 
conductor put him off — just insist. 

In great excitement the little man flew to the 
poor, distracted conductor, and asked him mysteri- 
ously for tickets for himself and family. 

"Tickets — what tickets?" demanded that long- 
suffering man. 

"Ah, you know — you kendt fool me — I know all 
aboud it, mine frendt," wagging a knowing finger 
in front of his nose. 

"I know that you must be crazy. I don't know 
anything about any extra tickets. " 

"Dot's all right. You don't want to led on, bud 
I haf been toldt. I wish to ged tigeds for dose 
brairie vaggons — vat?" 

"You're crazy!" bellowed the exasperated con- 
ductor, to our unholy joy. "Who'n Sam Hill told 
you anything about prairie wagons? You've been 
out in the sun too long, Dutchy; go to bed, and 
put ice on your head." 

The monotony of our trip was further varied by 
the arrival at one station of a lady of the peroxid 
tint of blonde, who smuggled in a small monkey, 

33 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

and a large-sized flask. The monkey was hidden 
beneath the berth, so she would not have to put 
him in the baggage-car. 

That evening, after the berths were made up, we 
were quietly settling down, with only the last inter- 
ruptions: a hollow cough from the poor consump- 
tive, then a murmur about "H 'America is such a 
beastly plice!" — a pause — and then "I have no 
appetite at all, ye'd wonder what I live on," fol- 
lowed by George's plaintive "No, ma'am, I ain't 
seen yo' maid! — Now has yo' all got what yo' 
needs? Cause George is goin' to bed, po' George 
is tired, and must get some sleep." Then quiet. 

Suddenly the air is rent by the most piercing 
shrieks followed by cries of, ' ' Oh, my darling child, 
Nita, my sweetheart, what is it? If you're fooling 
me, you naughty child, I'll skin you!" 

The greatest excitement ensues, nightgear and 
lingerie (I trust I use the right word) are in great 
evidence. Every one is asking every one else what 
the trouble is, but none seems to know. 

Finally the mystery is solved. The little monkey 
escaping from its box went on an exploring ex- 
pedition along the curtain poles and dropping 
into "Nita darling's" berth, frightened her out of 
her little senses. George unearthed the little 
simian, piteous and shivering. 

The blonde lady pleaded on her knees in very 
maudlin accents that the hard-hearted conductor 

34 



ACEOSS THE CONTINENT 

would not send her precious pet to the baggage- 
car. But he was obdurate, and poor Chico was 
banished to the accompaniment of his mistress' 
sobs. 

At El Paso we were stalled all one Sunday— but 
with the expectation of leaving every moment. A 
bull-fight was on, over in Mexico, at Juarez, just 
across the river, but we dared not go for fear of 
being left by our train. 

We all embarked in a crazy stage, through oceans 
of mud, to find a restaurant, and something to eat. 
We found the restaurant. 

We risked a short drive in an ancient chariot 
that looked as if it might have belonged to a Span- 
ish grandee. There were traces of upholstering 
that had once been white corduroy, and the 
sides were so high I had to stand up to see 
over them. 

Our drive was like that problem they used to 
give us in school, about the frog that jumped up 
so many feet in the well and fell back so many. 
We'd drive a little way and every time we'd hear 
a whistle, we'd get a panic, and order the driver 
to turn back. 

Our poor consumptive left us at El Paso. He 
was too ill to remain on the train, and was sent to 
the hospital. He was not to have stopped here, 
but it was his destination after all, for the next 
train East took him in the baggage-car. 

35 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

From El Paso we kept north across the arid 
table-lands, the low hills, like crumpled rusty tin, 
lying along the horizon. They are treasure-houses 
of copper, these hills, and every few miles a mine 
opening may be seen perched high up on a hill- 
side, a short spur of the railway leading to it. 

At Tucson we decided to leave the train with all 
its motley company and varied entertainment, and 
take a chance at catching the "Limited' ' that was 
reported due two hours later. It was a big chance, 
but we took it; and at eight o'clock that evening 
saw the rear lights of the train that had borne us 
for eight days through divers viscissitudes, fading 
from our sight. 

We did not dare to leave the station as they told 
us the "Limited" might come through at any time. 
It was very hot in the waiting-room where three 
Indians, two men and a woman, talked bad Spanish 
and smoked worse cigarets, to the accompaniment 
of the most searching and painstaking snore I have 
ever met proceeding from a fourth lying flat on 
a bench. 

We went outside and fell into conversation with 
a bit of local color — one of the big, expansive fine 
fellows that the cow-country produces. 

Some wicker stools were produced and we sat 
with our new friend under the spreading leaves 
of a magnificent yucca palm, one of a ring that 
encircled the depot. 

36 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

Talking of many things of local variety, he 
touched upon the subject of Gila monsters. Con- 
fessing a great and unsatisfied interest in Gila mon- 
sters, I was kindly piloted by our friend across the 
open square, through three inches of the lightest 
and most powdery dust I ever waded through, to 
the Paradise saloon and dance hall, where in the 
window were displayed a Gila monster and a tar- 
antula, both denizens of the neighboring desert. 

We were a little disappointed in the size of the 
monster, its name being a trifle misleading. The 
tarantula quite came up to our expectations, having 
apparently several dozen black and hairy legs, at 
least three inches long, growing around a body as 
large as an English walnut. The monster was 
probably eight or ten inches long, very much like 
a young alligator, but with the tail short and blunt, 
and the flattened ugly head of the rattlesnake. Its 
skin was a delicate shade of pink beautifully mot- 
tled with brown. 

At our friend's suggestion, an amiable waiter 
opened a small door back of their cage, and prodded 
the inmates with a small rake. The tarantula 
hustled around at a lively rate, but the monster 
only turned its ugly head from side to side, dart- 
ing out its snakelike tongue with lightning rapidity. 

It was sufficiently shuddery and we returned to 
the station with the firm conviction that we should 
dream of Gila monsters and tarantulas all night. 

37 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Our friend informed us that the monster is far 
more dreaded than the rattlesnake, its bite being 
almost without exception fatal. It lies flat on the 
sand and looks so much like it as to easily escape 
detection. He told us of a ranchman who went out 
on a cattle round-up, and losing his hat, stooped 
from his pony to lift it from the ground. Instantly 
a stinging sensation in his hand followed by a sharp 
glance at the ground made him realize that he had 
been bitten by a monster. 

Waiting only to shoot into atoms the reptile that 
had probably caused his death, the ranchman 
drained his flask and riding at breakneck speed 
joined the rest of the boys, who were near, and 
drank all the liquor they had among them. Hold- 
ing him in the saddle they hurried for the nearest 
surgeon, who saved him, minus a thumb. It was 
the only case on record in the neighborhood of 
recovery from the bite of one of these dreaded 
creatures. 

Our friend finally modestly confessed that he 
was the man, showing a thumbless hand as evidence. 
We condoned with him upon such an unpleasant 
experience. 

"Well, there was one good thing about it," he 
said, philosophically, "and that was the jag. It 
shore was a bird, it lasted a week ! ' ' 

Our train came in just then, and we left him 
with a gentle reminiscent smile on his face, while 

38 



ACEOSS THE CONTINENT 

his feet carried him perhaps unconsciously, but 
with unerring precision, toward the Paradise sa- 
loon and dance hall. 

On the "Limited" it seemed as if we had struck 
a snag, for we were turned down with the most 
uncompromising indifference. But with visions of 
a hotel in Tucson, we stuck to our point, and finally- 
met, in the person of the train conductor, a friend 
at court — the son of my old friend — Capt. Jack 
Crawford. 

All now went well — berths were found and with 
a sigh of relief we felt ourselves once more to be 
on the way toward our steamer and the waters of 
the Pacific. 

Our chances for catching it were now rather 
shaky, but having gained one point we calmly went 
to bed and slept the sleep of the just and, con- 
trary to expectation, quite free from dreams of 
Gila monsters. 

Crossing the desert between Tucson and Fort 
Yuma, we ran into a sand-storm. The fine sand 
sifted into every smallest opening, and made 
breathing well-nigh impossible. Fortunately it did 
not last long. We had only run into a corner of it, 
and were soon out. 

The desert showed us several of her capricious 
moods, for presently we were treated to a most 
perfect mirage — apparently a lake or broad river 
in the desert, with little islets and rocks mirrored 

39 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

in the most beautiful, cool and wettest looking 
water imaginable. 

Fort Yuma claims the distinction of being the 
hottest place in the Union. A story is told of a 
soldier who lived there and died. The night after 
his death his spirit appeared to some of his com- 
rades at their camp-fire. They asked him what he 
wanted, and he said Hades was so much colder 
than Yuma he had come back for his blanket. 

It certainly lived up to its reputation the day 
we were there. We got out and walked on the 
platform, being nearly grilled thereby. 

A number of Indians were seated by the platform 
displaying articles of beadwork for sale. They 
object strenuously to being photographed — thinking 
the camera has the evil eye, and while it takes their 
portrait will also steal away their soul. However, 
these scruples can be overcome at the rate of fifty 
cents a scruple. Who says the commercial instinct 
lurks not in the breast of the Indian? 

One old woman, who was said to be a hundred 
and four years old, covered her head with her blan- 
ket, when I pointed my camera at her. For her 
entertainment, I did a little sleight-of-hand work, 
making the pass with a quarter, pretending to 
swallow it, then picking it off her blanket, finally 
rubbed it into my trouser leg and made it disap- 
pear entirely. 

I only succeeded in frightening the poor old 

40 



ACROSS THE CONTINENT 

creature almost to death. She clasped her hands 
in fear, made the sign of the cross, crooked her 
fingers to avert the evil eye and, pointing to me, 
put her fingers to her head like horns, indicating 
that I was a gentleman extremely well-known but 
of unsavory reputation. 

Leaving these interesting remnants of the great 
race that once owned the land, we continued upon 
our sadly interrupted journey. 

That afternoon we came into California and 
most grateful to our eyes were the tender green of 
foliage and the emerald slope of pastures, so long 
had we endured the arid desert lands. 

The next morning we arrived in San Francisco, 
five days overtime, our appetites making most rav- 
enous demands for something civilized to eat, but 
with one day to spare before our steamer sailed; 
so we breathed a sigh of thanksgiving, and were 
comforted. 



41 



II 

ON THE PACIFIC 

A Double Send-off — Chinese Service — Saloon Boys and 
Their Attire — We Are Introduced to i ' Pidgin-English ' ' 
— How to Capture a Chair — The Boatswain Playing 
Fan-Tan — Pretty Chinese at Her Devotions — "Sky 
Pilot ' 9 Brings Bad Luck — Captain Drops Sunday — 
My First Ocean Trip — Leper Island and Father Damien 
— Welcomed by the Naval Boys. 

NOT until we had reached the wharf and our 
eyes were greeted by a sight of the Pacific 
Mail Steamer "Mongolia" were we quite 
positive she was still there ; so often in our frenzied 
imagination of the past few days had we seen her 
calmly and majestically sailing away, leaving us 
disconsolate on the pier, making frantic but un- 
heeded signals to her departing form. 

But there she lay, looming up like a giantess in 
comparison to her smaller sister of the Royal Japa- 
nese Mail. 

To one accustomed only to Atlantic travel, the 
element of novelty begins at once on a Pacific 
steamer. Instead of smug English stewards, neat 
Chinamen , in spotless linen gowns of blue, long 
cues, immaculate white stockings, and the broadest 

42 



ON THE PACIFIC 

of smiles, fly nimbly about, carrying baggage or 
waiting on pasengers with most cheerful disparity. 

On the dock the usual crowd attendant upon a 
departing steamer was made more interesting by 
a devoted little group who, as the steamer slipped 
easily from her moorings, started up a hymn, one 
energetic lady beating time with two small flags — 
one Chinese, the other Japanese. At the same time 
a military band on the wharf started "The Star 
Spangled Banner." The discord was undeniable, 
but the performance was delightfully humorous, 
the leader with his baton, and the lady with her 
flags, each trying to outdo the other. 

The military band was easily accounted for, as 
we had on board General and Mrs. H. C. Corbin, 
who were going to Manila; but the hymn-singers 
were a puzzle until we learned that they were say- 
ing, or rather singing, farewell to a band of mis- 
sionaries, who were going in the steerage to Japan 
and China. They were going out with almost no 
provision from their society, expecting like Elijah 
to be fed by the ravens. It is to be feared that 
they will find the raven in China and Japan quite 
as rare as the dodo — the nearest approach being 
"crow/' which some of them will undoubtedly have 
to eat. 

The Chinese stewards interested us exceedingly, 
and when directly after sailing we descended to 
luncheon we saw them in a new way. 

43 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

We waited only long enough to take a last look 
at San Francisco: 

"Serene, indifferent of fate, 

Thou sittest at the Western Gate. ' ' 

These lines of Bret Harte come to me as we slip 
away between the green and billowy islands. San 
Francisco may be indifferent to fate and a lot of 
other things, but it never struck me that she was 
particularly serene. 

The long tables in the saloon are laid out invi- 
tingly with massive silver and piles of fruit, around 
which the neat boys whisk, making an attractive 
picture. 

Here we receive our first introduction to the 
far-famed "pidgin-English," which we had pre- 
viously conceived to be very largely a figment of 
the story-teller's brain. It was to be later im- 
pressed upon us how universal the use of it is, 
from San Francisco right through to Ceylon, wher- 
ever the Chinese coolie lives and moves and has 
his being. 

In the dining-saloon the boys wore long gowns 
of blue linen, shiny with starch, high white cuffs 
over their sleeves, and each smooth and jetty cue 
finished at the end with a silk tassel, neatly tucked 
through a little strap at the side of the gown. This 
is to keep it from slipping over the shoulder when 
stooping over the tables. 

When at hard or outdoor work, a Chinaman will 

44 



ON THE PACIFIC 

twist his cue up like a woman, but never in the 
house, as it is a disrespectful act to appear before 
a superior with the cue bound up. Foreigners in 
many cases do not know this, and the Chinaman, 
who instinctively hates all foreigners, will often 
resort to this method of insulting them, taking a 
deal of comfort out of it, even tho the foreigner 
may be in blissful ignorance of the intended dis- 
respect. 

Some of the dining-saloon boys had been in the 
service long enough to speak and understand Eng- 
lish very well; with others it was necessary to 
resort to the "pidgin" dialect, which is a ridiculous 
hybrid of baby talk, broken or rather mangled 
English and a few stray Chinese words. 

It was my luck to draw a waiter who was par- 
ticularly shy on straight English, and when I asked 
for a nice piece of rare roast beef and vegetables 
such as my wife had, his face remained as blank 
as a newly whitewashed barn-door. Seeing my per- 
plexity a kind neighbor taught me what to say, 
and tho feeling rather silly, I repeated: "Boy, 
you ketchee me number one piecee roast beef, no 
too well done, and vegetables allee same lady have 
got." His face beamed with intelligence, and 
my order was executed with readiness and dis- 
patch. 

I subsequently discovered that if a chair was 
desired from the upper deck, an order in plain 

45 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

English would not be understood — but say to him, 
"Boy, you go topside, ketchee my one-piecee chair, 
bring to me. ' ' He will depart cheerfully, knowing 
just what you mean. 

"Pidgin' ' is the Chinese word for "business," 
and a great many years ago this motley means of 
communication was evolved piece by piece as a me- 
dium through which the English-speaking traders 
carried on business with the Chinese. Despite the 
fact that numbers of Chinese, especially the mer- 
chants, speak excellent English, this absurd poly- 
glot has held its own, and it is a benighted China- 
man indeed who can not conjure up a few lame 
phrases. It is a means of communication, even 
among Chinamen, so it is said; for the different 
provinces of that country differ in dialect as so 
many countries, but with a little of the universal 
"pidgin" they make themselves understood. 

The crews on the Pacific Mail steamers are all 
Chinamen. The officers told us that there is no 
better crew than a Chinese one and that of our 
steamer seemed to bear out the statement. It was 
presided over by a fat little Chinese boatswain of 
the name of Tee. He spoke very little English, 
entirely of the "pidgin" variety — and was pain- 
fully economical of his own language. 

As he waddled about the decks, his short arms 
dangling like flippers, he was strongly reminiscent 
of a seal trying to walk upright. The officers told 

46 



ON THE PACIFIC 

us that he was a master of his craft in all kinds of 
rigging and tackle, and to see him squinting aloft, 
giving a few commands in a low guttural, was to 
have our childhood pictures of ranting, bellowing 
seamen set at naught. He alone hired and dis- 
charged the men, so he had the entire crew under 
his thumb. 

"When white sailors are off duty, they smoke, spin 
yarns, or growl. They must sometimes dance, I 
suppose, or how did the sailor's hornpipe come into 
existence? A Chinese crew spends its leisure time 
in gambling. 

Captains of Pacific steamers declare that if this 
sport were not allowed, they would have to go beg- 
ging for crews, or take Japanese — an alternative 
almost too terrible to be mentioned to a Pacific 
captain. 

The favorite gambling game is played with a 
simple outfit, consisting of a piece of matting di- 
vided into numbered squares, a small cup and sau- 
cer, and two dice. The game is in plain view, the 
matting spread on the steerage deck. The game 
resembles roulette to the extent of money being 
placed on the numbered squares; the cup with the 
dice in it, covered with the saucer, is well shaken, 
the dice are thrown out, and if your money is on 
a square corresponding with the dice, you win as 
much again as you have laid down. 

This simple little game also resembles roulette 

47 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

in that the banker has a great deal of money when 
the game ends. 

The passengers amused themselves by descending 
to the steerage deck and engaging in the game. The 
Chinese banker welcomes them with a bland and 
childlike smile, knowing that he will eventually 
separate them from the majority of their coin, 
which he will stow away in the tin tobacco-box they 
all use as a bank. 

There are other things of interest on the steerage 
deck besides the gamblers, for most of the passen- 
gers there are Orientals, and all the ways of these 
mystical people are odd to travelers accustomed to 
seeing chiefly emigrants and down-on-their-luck 
men in this part of the ship. The little Japanese 
women bring their doll-like babies on deck and 
lie or sit about in attitudes more to be commended 
for comfort than grace or elegance. That "some- 
body is looking" does not affect them in the least. 

Two little Japanese boys would wrestle for hours 
at a time, wriggling all over the deck like young 
puppies. Wrestling is the national sport of Japan 
and boys go at it as soon as they are able to walk. 

On the forward hatch of the steerage deck the 
thirty or more missionaries traveling in that class 
contrived a chapel, with a tarpaulin for an awning 
and a small melodeon, a few chairs and a supply of 
hymns, the last-named seemingly inexhaustible. 
The sustaining qualities of song seemed necessary 

48 



ON THE PACIFIC 

at almost every hour of the day — in addition to 
the regular service held twice daily. 

Tee, the taciturn boatswain, received orders to 
open the forward hatch when we were nearing 
Honolulu. He departed but presently returned 
saying: "No can open hatchee, too muchee sing- 
song, too muchee chin-chin." Perhaps it would 
be as well to explain that "chin-chin" is actually 
the Chinese word for prayer — or the act of praying. 

One morning, when we had gone on deck very 
early, we saw a pretty Chinese woman in full native 
costume sitting on a grating, devoutly repeating 
her prayers, while she held three burning joss-sticks 
in her hand. On the forward hatch the band of 
missionaries were holding service, and tho in their 
eyes she was a heathen, the kind they were going 
out to save by teaching them the error of their 
ways, it is my belief that the smoke of the joss- 
sticks, representing the prayers of her gentle, de- 
vout heart, rose quite as high toward heaven as the 
songs of the missionaries. 

This charming worshiper was one of the very 
few Chinese passengers who ever came on deck. 
The majority remained in their bunks by day as 
well as by night; perhaps because the steerage 
odors reminded them of the homes to which they 
were journeying. Similar smells, but a thousand 
times more pronounced, distinguish Chinese cities 
and towns from all others. Possibly a stronger fas- 

49 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

cination still is the opium den, which is in every 
Pacific liner, and quite as necessary as the kitchen. 

According to the old sailor superstition that a 
missionary, or "sky pilot," of any kind brings bad 
luck and stormy weather to a ship, we should have 
had calamities equaling those which befell the 
Ancient Mariner. For there were, besides the thirty 
in the steerage, a goodly number of missionaries 
in the first cabin. It was pleasing to notice the 
absence of any sectarian feeling, Baptists, Method- 
ists, and Presbyterians each taking his turn at 
conducting the services. 

When we arrived at the place where a day was 
lost, the Captain had his choice of dropping either 
Sunday or Monday. He decided on the former, 
but the missionaries wouldn't have it, and held 
service for three days in succession so as to be sure 
and hit it right. 

But in spite of the many reasons for storm and 
stress, the sea remained calm and only breezes soft 
as summer zephyrs blew across our bows. In fact, 
during our entire trip across the Pacific we were 
never off an almost even keel. 

It was so different from my first ocean trip, 
which was across the Atlantic. I'll never forget 
that. I hadn't been feeling well, and was told that 
the sea-voyage would make another man of me. 
Imagine making another man of me, when there 
was hardly enough material for one ! 

50 



ON THE PACIFIC 

Well, the minute the ship left the dock I felt 
better. I threw out my chest — and a lot of 
other things I didn't need and prepared to enjoy 
life. 

By the time we got to Sandy Hook the ship was 
having St. Vitus' dance, and most of the passengers 
decided to go below to unpack. I started to find 
my stateroom, and I think I butted into every one 
there was. I was finally hurled into one just as 
the occupant, a lady, was climbing into the upper 
berth. She said, "Sir!" Then the ship went the 
other way, and I was never so completely sat on by 
a lady in my life. 

At last I found my own stateroom, which was a 
locker with a couple of shelves in it. 

The ship now seemed to stand on her nose and 
wag her tail in the air; I deliberated whether I 
should close the port-hole and go to my berth, or 
close my berth and go to the port-hole. On the 
fourth day I began to take notice of things and 
crawled out on deck just as the ship was doing a 
"buck and wing." I was shot from one end of the 
ship to the other, finishing with a head-on collision 
with a fat man's stomach. He was mad because I 
butted in on his breakfast. I apologized for the 
intrusion, and crawled into a steamer chair. 

The day it was roughest the passengers asked me 
to get up a concert. There was a prima donna on 
board who was having her voice cultivated in Paris. 

51 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

I supposed she was going over to get it, for she cer- 
tainly didn't have it with her. She consented to 
take part in the concert and chose a fitting selec- 
tion for a rough night — "Rocked in the Cradle of 
the Deep. ' ' Just as she started in to sing, the ship 
side-stepped and threw her under the table. A 
friend of mine was accompanying her on the piano, 
so of course he had to follow her. I said: "For 
heaven's sake, is this a concert or a knockabout 
act?" The prima donna thought she was down 
for a solo, but she was down for an hour. 

On the Pacific there were no such experiences 
for us. And it is such a great, big, lonesome ocean 
— only once in all the eighteen days did we see a 
ship, a big, full-rigged ship with all sails set — but 
seeming to stand perfectly still, utterly becalmed, 
"a painted ship upon a painted ocean." 

Our steamer, besides having an excellent crew, 
had what probably creates a fine crew — as fine a 
set of officers as any boat could have and honored 
by having as its chief officer the Captain Porter who 
saved his crew and lived with them for more than 
a year among friendly Eskimos far within the 
Arctic Circle after his ship, which was on govern- 
ment survey duty, was crushed in the ice. Captain 
Porter, besides being an efficient officer, was a most 
genial and pleasant gentleman, as merry and care- 
free as if he had always cruised on summer seas, 
and wasn't, when we met him, responsible for a 

52 



ON THE PACIFIC 

great ship, a valuable cargo, and three thousand 
passengers. He was also a wily diplomat. For in- 
stance, no one but a diplomat could have met suc- 
cessfully, and without subsequent hard feeling, the 
tearful complaint of one lady that she couldn't 
sleep because of the jarring of the engines, and 
begging that they be stopped during the night. 

Captain Porter was a delightful raconteur and 
entertained us on several occasions with stories of 
his sojourn in the frigid zone. His tales of Eski- 
mo dainties, especially a duck soup, where the 
bird is put in for cooking not only undressed but 
unplucked, made us glad there were no Eskimo 
cooks on board. 

A source of occasional uneasiness were the two 
little black Pomeranian dogs belonging to Mrs. 
Corbin. She had received special permission to 
have them en deck in the daytime, but at night 
they must be put below and in charge of the 
butcher! Why such choice was made, we failed to 
see — we considered it a tempting of Providence ; tho 
our fears were somewhat allayed when we discov- 
ered that the butcher was not a Chinaman, but an 
Englishman. But even so, we always ate our break- 
fast with a keener appetite when, during our early 
morning stroll, we'd see the little Corbin dogs 
appear upon the deck. 

Within three days of Honolulu we realized our 
approach to the tropics by the sensible rise in tem- 

53 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

perature, the numbers of flying-fish, and the sum- 
mer costume of the passengers and officers. 

The evening before our expected arrival at Hon- 
olulu, the chief topics of conversation were the 
principal sights of the town and the best methods 
of seeing them. 

Every one retired with the keenest anticipations, 
for even six days on the water create a longing to 
see land, proving that man, tho he go down to the 
sea in ships, is beyond question a land animal. 

Most of us were up betimes and were rewarded 
by the sight of a dark, low-lying island — on our 
port bow. This was Molokai, the leper island, and 
the scene of Father Damien's heroic life and death. 
This Belgian missionary priest, who started in life 
a simple, unlettered peasant, so lived and worked 
and died that his name will ever be one of those 
who need no Hall of Fame to make their memory 
immortal. His will go ringing down the Halls of 
Time as one that loved his fellow men. 

As we looked at the bare, tragic island, we wished 
for that wonderful letter of Robert Louis Steven- 
son, that we might read again the exquisitely writ- 
ten story of the man who, "by one striking act of 
martyrdom, had directed all men's eyes on that dis- 
tressful country — who, at a blow and the price of 
his life, had made the place illustrious and public." 

Ahead, another island, with high, rocky promon- 
tory, stood out now quite plainly. As we came 

54 



ON THE PACIFIC 

nearer, we could distinguish fleets of little fishing- 
boats, their white sails dotting the blue water like 
flocks of birds. A snowy sickle of sand outlined 
the black and beetling cliff, and around it came 
the little "Alameda," rolling and plunging in a 
swell that did not even disturb the stately calm of 
our giantess. 

It was noon before we really warped to the 
wharf, alongside of which was a United States 
naval training-ship whose band welcomed us, 
accompanied by the shouts of the white-clad boys. 



55 



Ill 

^ HAWAII 

We Are Garlanded with Wreaths of Welcome— My First 
Experience as a Chauffeur— Luncheon Amid the Palms 
— We See the Sights of the Town — Stump Speakers in 
the Vernacular — Lovely Pali — " One-Finger Poi" — 
The Aquarium — Surf -Biding — Phenomenal Eice Crops — 
Imported Labor — Japanese Invasion — Captain Cook's 
Monument — How ' { Bill ' ' Swore Off — My Poetic Friend, 
Charley Stoddard — How I Struggled with the Archi- 
tecture of the Hawaiian Language — My Good Friend, 
Lieutenant-Governor Atkinson — The Handsome Bach- 
elor of the Islands — Fire-Drill — Approaching the Shores 
of Japan. 

THE city of Honolulu, looking from the har- 
bor, does not seem large, tho there is a pop- 
ulation of fifty thousand. The houses are 
so embowered in luxuriant foliage, it is only occa- 
sionally that a roof may be seen peeping out. 

As the ship draws slowly toward the wharf the 
water about her becomes alive with lithe, brown 
swimmers, who shout for pennies to be thrown. 
These balance slowly down through the clear water, 
the boy nearest dives quickly, and almost immedi- 
ately bobs up again holding the coin triumphantly 
aloft in one hand — while with the other he be- 

56 




Girl Wearing Lei Surf-Boat Riding 

The Hawaii Hotel 



HAWAII 

seeches for more — keeping himself erect by treading 
water. These slim, brown, native boys swim almost 
before they can walk and become quite as much 
at home in the water as on land. 

As soon as the gangplanks were out, friends 
came aboard. We became indebted to Mr. E. M. 
Boyd for much of the pleasure of our stay in Hon- 
olulu and for our exceptional opportunity for see- 
ing things thoroughly in the shortest space of time. 
Mr. Boyd is an American, formerly a well-known 
newspaper man in California and now one of Hon- 
olulu's foremost citizens. He welcomed us with 
the beautiful but rather embarrassing Hawaiian 
custom of throwing long wreaths or leis about our 
necks. These are made of carnations, camelias, or 
jasmine with glossy, green leaves. Women who 
make them sit along the streets in Honolulu with 
baskets of flowers and completed leis beside them, 
their fingers busily engaged in weaving others. So 
universal is this custom of wearing these flowery 
adornments, that every native one meets has neck 
and hat decorated with a fresh, dewy wreath. Time 
was, no doubt, when these were all of their adorn- 
ing, but civilization has decreed a few additions 
to such an airy, tho no doubt picturesque cos- 
tume. 

Our doubts as to the best method of seeing the 
sights were settled for us by our friend, Mr. Boyd, 
who had an automobile waiting for us on the dock. 

57 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

This was almost the only one on the island and as 
we started, the people gave back respectfully— some 
skipping aside with almost panic-stricken haste. 
The driver told us of his first trip in the machine 
through the outlying country. He came upon a 
Chinese coolie who had never seen anything of the 
kind before, and who stood rooted with horror to 
the road until the driver tooted the horn. Then the 
Chinaman fled frantically to the fence, over which 
he plunged, shrieking, "heap devil! heap devil !" 
When the driver had finished telling us of his first 
experience, I told him of mine — not in Honolulu, 
but in the good, old Empire State, U. S. A. As I 
remember it was a fine ride ! The fine was a hun- 
dred and fifty. I said to my chauffeur (chauffeur 
is French for plumber), I said to my chauffeur, 
"Let her go !" and he let her go. We went so fast, 
the milestones looked like a cemetery ! We simply 
flew thro' the air. When the car stopped short, I 
was still flying. I flew eighty feet thro' the air, 
shot thro' a church window and lit right in the 
middle of the congregation, just as the minister 
was saying: "And the angel of the Lord de- 
scended!" 

I was a fine-looking angel, with a pair of goggles; 
a linen duster and a rubber tire 'round my head 
for a halo ! I explained to the astonished congre- 
gation that I had just "dropped into meetin'!" 

Well, after working four days, with eight-hour 

58 



HAWAII 

night shifts, we got the car going; and all went 
well till I tried to steer. I turned out for a cow, 
and turned into a "dago" with a fruit-stand. There 
was a free delivery of fruit. It was hard to 
tell which was the fruit and which was the ' * dago. ' ' 
We stopped long enough to remove a banana from 
niy eye (you have to keep your eye peeled) and 
went on. Nothing happened until we got in the 
midst of a crowded thoroughfare, when the blamed 
thing had the blind staggers; tried to climb an 
electric-light pole and bit a policeman in the mid- 
dle of his beat! That cost the city a copper, and 
me a pretty penny. 

Since then I've tried pretty nearly every kind 
of car, with results about the same — in the end I 
was a nervous wreck, and the car was a total wreck. 
So, when a friend of mine calls me up on the phone 
and says he's "got the automobile fever/' and 
"wants to know what he'd better get," I tell him 
to get over it. 

We went up through the city to Alexander 
Young's new hotel, the finest hostelry in Honolulu, 
where an exquisite luncheon was served, tendered to 
us by the management, in whom we unexpectedly 
found old friends. Leis of red carnations sur- 
rounded every dish and glass, making the table a 
veritable mass of bloom. Everything was perfectly 
cooked and served and, that every sense might be 
appealed to, the table was placed near a window 

59 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

overlooking the town. The dining-room was in the 
top of the building, and the outlook charming — 
over billowing green, feathery palms and blos- 
soming vines. Next to the dining-room was a 
palm-room, set about with many small wicker tables 
and chairs. It was practically open and, on a moon- 
light night, must be a place to stir even the most 
prosaic to romantic meditation. 

After luncheon, out through the city we went 
again toward the country. The city spreads over 
an area of ten miles and is patrolled by a body of 
a hundred and fifty police — those in the outskirts 
being mounted. There is a capable fire depart- 
ment with modern engines and equipment ; a pretty 
theater, where shows are so scarce they are fre- 
quently reduced to the necessity of amateur per- 
formances. These affairs are charming social 
events, and draw large audiences even from the 
other islands, among the inhabitants of which there 
is a strong feeling of friendly hospitality. 

The shops of the town are very like those of the 
States, the more picturesque element being fur- 
nished by the fish-market and the shops in China- 
town. 

The fish-market is an important institution, as 
the products of the sea are the chief diet of these 
Island people. It is a novel sight to one fresh from 
the States to see the little Japanese women in kimo- 
no and clogs, with baby on back, its tiny, shaven 

60 



HAWAII 

head bobbing helplessly. Chinese women and 
children are rare in these islands, but may still be 
seen in considerable numbers. 

An interesting phase of life in this section is 
the political speaker, who takes the stump — some- 
times several stumps in succession — at the noon 
hour. All Hawaiians take a keen interest in pol- 
itics. The speech I heard was in the Hawaiian 
tongue, the only words I understood being "beef 
trust"; this the speaker said very plainly in Eng- 
lish, there probably being no equivalent in 
Hawaiian. As he proceeded from stump to stump, 
his audience waned perceptibly — perhaps from a 
native indolence of temperament which could not 
cling very long to one thing. At any rate, when 
he reached the last stump, his audience reminded 
me of what Peter Dailey said of an audience in a 
New York theater where business was poor. When 
asked how large the audience was, "Pete" an- 
swered, "I could lick all three of them!" 

From politics to Pali — a marvelous transition! 
This vision of beauty — no matter what other scenes 
I may look upon — will never fade from my mind 
while memory lasts. 

This high cliff, garlanded with the softest and 
most luxuriant verdure, overlooks a fertile valley 
where is spread, like a carpet, every varying shade 
of green that finally melts in the distance to the 
exquisite turquoise and beryl tints of the sea, 

61 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

making an enchanting panorama of transcendent 
loveliness. 

Pali was the scene of the historic battle of the 
forces of Oahu, when they were driven up into 
the mountains by the army of King Kamehameha 
the Great, who had come over from Hawaii to con- 
quer them. The Oahuans were pressed back until 
they were finally driven over the edge of the Pali, 
a living cataract of twenty-eight hundred men. 
To stand upon the edge of this cliff and conjure 
up a vision of this historic event, which took place 
scarcely a hundred and seven years ago, must give 
even the least impressionable a thrill. 

We returned from the Pali, down the winding 
road, between thickets of guava bushes, tree-fern, 
koa-trees, and banana-trees, meeting many "Pakes" 
or foreigners, driving packhorses laden with sup- 
plies for the sugar plantations, or the pedlers of 
poi, two casks slung from a bamboo yoke on their 
shoulders. 

At intervals along the road there would appear 
a stick, with a bit of white cloth fluttering from 
it. This is a signal to the poi-seller that some 
family who live down an almost hidden track lead- 
ing from the little flag are in need of poi. This 
highly prized article of food among the natives is 
made from the root of the taro, a sort of lily 
ground into flour and made into a sour paste with 
water. When it is rather thick it is called "one- 

62 



HAWAII 

finger poi" because a portion can be readily lifted 
with one finger. When thinner, two fingers are 
necessary to lift any to the mouth, so, to distin- 
guish the consistency, which is governed entirely 
by individual taste, it is called "one, two, or three 
finger poi." 

It is entirely an acquired taste, to the novice 
being decidedly unpleasant, suggesting a mixture 
of soft soap and buttermilk. It is, however, very 
nutritious and healthful and the white residents 
claim that a course of it would put a new stomach 
into a wooden Indian! 

A pick-me-up of exceptional value after a night 
when one has dined not wisely, but too well, is a poi 
cocktail, made of a glass of milk with chipped ice, 
and two tablespoonfuls of poi. 

I was next taken to the Aquarium, where the col- 
lection of native fish is something beyond the power 
of the wildest imagination to picture, and quite 
baffles description. Little fishes striped in bright 
pink-and-white, like sticks of peppermint candy, 
jostle those that are of a silvery and blue brocade, 
others of a dark color, with spots of vivid red 
and bridles of golden yellow going about their 
heads are in the next cage to transparent fish of a 
delicate pink or blue — or a family of devil-fish. 
There are fish of a beautiful somber purple, and 
fish of white with black horizontal stripes, looking 
like a company of convicts from Sing Sing. There 

63 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

are many, many others, those with trailing fringes, 
or floating wings; those with eyes on little pivots 
that turn easily in all directions like small conning- 
towers; all odd or unusual, seeming like dream- 
fishes, or the f antoms of a disordered brain, rather 
than products of nature. 

In some parts of the archipelago one may go 
out in boats with glass bottoms and, so clear 
is the water, even to the depth of twenty or 
thirty feet, these marine birds of paradise may be 
plainly seen darting about among the trees of 
coral. 

We next took a spin around Diamond Head. 
This, like all the peaks in the islands, is of volcanic 
origin, being formed of tufa or lava rock. 

The native legend that accounts for all the vol- 
canoes in the group is that the goddess Pele, the 
daughter of the god Kane and the Fire, when ex- 
pelled from her original home, an island near the 
Philippines, moved to the Hawaiian group, build- 
ing her houses in different portions of them. She 
was evidently a young person of a roving nature, 
for she frequently changed her habitation. On 
Oahu she built Puowaina, now known as Punch- 
bowl, Leahi, now called Diamond Head, and Koko ; 
she left Koko Head for Mauna Loa on Molokai, 
and after touching at many spots, she finally settled 
at Kilauea on Hawaii. The fires lighted by her 
then in her volcano-house are still burning, for 

64 



HAWAII 

this mountain is always at work, and is to-day the 
largest active volcano in the world. 

After riding about the one-time home of this 
fire-goddess, we returned to the Moana Hotel at 
Waikiki, where we donned bathing-suits and took 
a surf ride. 

This is the national sport and, being at all times 
sufficiently thrilling, must be taken in a high surf, 
a tremendous experience. The boats are long, deep 
and very narrow canoes, with an outrigger at one 
side to keep them from tipping. 

Two natives, and they must be skilled, usually 
operate these canoes. Three or four passengers 
at a time are taken out, the natives rowing with 
broad paddles a quarter or half mile from the 
shore, where they wait for a large wave. With 
the nicest precision they keep ahead of it, just as 
it breaks, and are carried smoothly in, poised on 
its crest. I sat facing the stern, and the experi- 
ence was something to remember, the swift bird- 
like swoop of the canoe, with the white, seething 
wall of water behind it, apparently just about to 
engulf us. After we were safely on shore again 
they told us stories of how the wave, if the rowers 
miscalculate, will break over the canoe, driving it 
to the bottom. 

When we were out, the high waves were not very 
frequent, and the natives splashed drops of water 
from their paddles toward the sea to coax the 

65 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WOKLD 

waves in. The old Hawaiian in the stern admon- 
ished us to be patient, for, he solemnly assured us, 
the big waves would come in when they smelt the 
canoe. The native boys take their surf rides more 
simply, but in a more hazardous manner. They 
go out with long polished palm-boards and, stand- 
ing balanced upon them, come riding in, appar- 
ently standing on the boiling crest of the wave. 
They do this for hours at a time, frequently re- 
maining in the water all day. 

The Moana Hotel is very attractively situated 
close to the sea where its many-changing tints of 
blue and green are intensified by the surrounding 
foliage. 

The entire city of Honolulu is built among the 
most luxuriant vegetation, the royal palm, with tall, 
silvery trunk and crown of shining leaves, over- 
topping everything. There are few more majestic 
sights than an avenue of these royal trees. Banana- 
trees with their broad leaves are favorites in the 
gardens, and together with the many-colored foli- 
age plants, hedges of scarlet hibiscus and arbors 
of the inevitable Bougainvillea, with its clustering 
purple blossoms, make a riot of color as charming 
as it is novel to Western eyes. 

The crops are phenomenal in this favored land, 
three harvests of rice being gathered each year. 
Enormous crops of bananas are exported and 
sugar, the principal export, is, in its cultivation, 

66 



HAWAII 

brought more nearly to a science here than in any 
other country where it is raised. There is an en- 
closure, given up to experiments for the common 
use of the planters, and ground is never opened 
until it has undergone a thorough chemical test, 
and the essential qualities made sure of, or added, 
if lacking. 

When the Hawaiian Islands became a part of the 
United States, the Chinese Exclusion Bill of course 
affected them to the great detriment of labor in 
the sugar plantations. Chinese coolie labor was the 
best to be had, and, cut off from procuring it, the 
sugar raisers suffered proportionately. 

They imported labor from Porto Eico, but it has 
proved to be an unsuccessful experiment, as the 
element introduced is not desirable, fomenting dis- 
sension and being lazy and generally shiftless. 
On the other hand, the Chinaman is industrious, 
law-abiding, sober and honest. But the native 
population of Hawaii, combined with that of the 
whites and Chinese, is only a fraction of the total 
of the Japanese, and more of the latter are arriving 
at a rapid rate, hundreds of these being veterans 
of the late war with Russia. They come ostensibly 
to follow the peaceful pursuits of agriculture or 
merchandise but, as the old saying goes, you never 
can tell! 

I found a great dislike in Honolulu toward the 
Japanese, but a universal admiration, and affection 

67 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

even, for the Chinese working-class. This opinion 
I find confirmed by all these who have had experi- 
ence with both races. 

Since the islands have been a territory of the 
United States, they have conducted their affairs 
with praiseworthy results, their ultimate hope being 
Statehood, of which they are surely more worthy — 
their annexation being voluntary — than are those 
which have been taken by force of arms. 

The early Spanish navigators, somewhere in the 
16th century, knew these islands, but their practical 
discoverer was Captain Cook, who landed upon 
Kauai in 1778, and during the following year 
skirted the entire archipelago, finally meeting his 
death at the hands of the natives, who, when he 
first landed, had worshiped him as a god. 

The English have raised a monument to the 
explorer, and it is one of the most frequented spots 
on the island of Hawaii. Captain Cook named the 
group after his patron, Lord Sandwich, and such 
they were called for more than a century. 

O lovely island world! Where else in the uni- 
verse is there a spot made up wholly of beauty and 
peace? where man — and even woman — can cease 
worrying about stocks, franchises, new bonnets, real 
estate, society, insurance, politics and all the rest 
that go to make up the pandemonium of existence, 
and settle down in the shade of a palm-tree — royal, 
coco, wine, cabbage, screw, fan or native — he has a 

68 



HAWAII 

choice of seven — unbutton his shirt-collar and smoke 
the pipe of forgetfulness. What a place for a dear 
little lamb-like jag, a one-finger poi racket — with a 
banana, a mango and any old kind of a jingo 
thrown in — that leaves no seal-brown, burnt-wood 
taste in the mouth and conjures up no visions of 
ravaging beast or devouring serpent! No need in 
this antibibulous Paradise to pattern after the 
man in Poughkeepsie — the hardest drinker in town 
— who was induced, after much pleading on the 
part of his long-suffering wife to sign the pledge; 
and strange to say, he kept it, for a few days, dur- 
ing which he met a friend who proposed a " smile." 

" Can't; I've sworn off," said Bill. 

"You're a liar!" responded his friend. 

Whereupon Bill muttered, fervently, "God 
knows I hope you're right!" 

happy Hawaii! that hath no poisonous rep- 
tiles, no noxious plants, no pestiferous insects — not 
even mosquitoes, those one-time plagues having been 
practically exterminated by the same methods used 
in the United States. 

Tis not I that can do you justice! Let my 
friend Charley Stoddard, With his prose-poem- 
paragraphs and his mellifluous periods do the job 
for me. When he sits down with his pen dipt 
in honey, and his mouth full of guava- jelly to reel 
off a few reams of ecstatic English in praise of his 
beloved islands, he makes the rest of us feel like 

69 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

thirty cents. And when he declares that he has 
traveled the wide world over, but never, never has 
he seen a spot to equal this — why, what can we 
do but say, ' * Same here, old man ! ' ' 

I spent considerable time on the architecture of 
the Hawaiian language, but never got much above 
the ground floor ; but if I had stayed in the cellar, 
it would have been just the same, for I could make 
but one thing out of it and that was that the whole 
structure is built upon the letter K. They can't 
get along without that K. They must stick it into 
everything. 

For instance, if you want to make a tour of the 
Islands, you take the little steamer "Kilauea" — 
that is to say, you could take it once upon a time ; 
but they saw fit to tire of the name, and changed 
it to "Kinau"; then when they wanted something 
more romantic and English, they called it — not 
" Sea-Bird,' ' mind you! or "Ocean Spray," or 
' ' Flying Scud ' '—but ' ' Like-like. ' ' Can 't get along 
without the K! So you sail around in little old 
"Like-like," and somewhere or anywhere — it don't 
make any difference which, for it's sure to begin 
with a K — you make a landing, and lo ! it is called 
Kalahui; just as good a name as any for a port 
of entry, if you don't mind koming in through 
the kustoms in that way. It's a breezy little port, 
with a kourt-house and a klub — good fellows, too — 
and a mercantile marine, and a railway, and a 

70 



HAWAII 

wreck in the harbor, and all of 'em belonging to 
Kalahui. 

If you speak of the thriving plantations that 
back the harbor, they'll be sure to ask you if you've 
noticed the Ealo patches? Ealo may be French 
for kabbages or karnations — you don't give a kon- 
tinenta] either way — but you smile, and say, 
11 Great! wouldn't mind having a korner in Ealo 
some day!" 

Then, if you want to take a sea-bath, or stroll 
on the sands, they'll tell you that Kalepolepo is 
the place. To be sure, Kale is not what she "used 
to was." Like those patient ladies-in-waiting (old 
maids) she is rather ancient and out-of-date. But 
her sister Kalahui, she got on the inside track in 
the start, when she kaught on to Klaus — you know 
Klaus; his other name is Spreckels; he's in the 
sugar business, and Kalahui got herself made into 
a port of entry for Spreckelsville, the thrivingest 
home of the sugar-cane industry there is on the 
eight islands. 

But to come back to our muttons. It was on the 
beach of Kalepolepo that King Kamehameha — 
Kamehameha the conqueror — landed with his 
flotilla of canoes. He crossed the nearest stream, 
and immediately a Eapu was put on it — not a 
bridge, nor a canoe, mind you ! not even an attach- 
ment — but just a Eapu, a mean little word of two 
syllables beginning with a K, and it meant that, 

71 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

forever after, that stream was sacred to royalty, 
and no other kind of a fellow must put his foot on 
it. As if anybody would want to !-— not on a Kapu 
anyway. 

Then, if you prefer still-bathing, there is the 
pool of Kapena; if you want to play a game of 
bowls, it's the Kanaka boys that set up the pins 
for you; if you want a cup of coffee, you must 
drink the native brand called Kona, that they will 
tell you knocks the p's and beans out of old Mocha 
every time. 

If you want to go up a mountain, of course it 
must be Haleakala; it's only got one K in it, by 
the way, but it's got the biggest krater at the top 
of it you ever saw or heard of — twenty miles in cir- 
cumference and two thousand feet deep. It's stone- 
dead — entirely gone out of business; but in my 
opinion that's an advantage of two-to-one on any 
live crater. If you want to go up another mountain 
try Kalauea. It's only another K and the avenue 
that leads out to it is a magnificent boulevard set 
out on either side with breadfruit-trees, mangoes, 
and alligator pears. Kalauea is the biggest thing 
in the live crater business in the world — a lake of 
fire 1,200 feet long and 500 wide, with a surface 
measure of 12 acres. You hold your breath and 
say your prayers ; and, when a gust of wind carries 
away the blinding steam and smoke, you look 
down, down 500 feet into a veritable hell-fire lake, 

72 



HAWAII 

whose waves of flame rise and fall in convulsive 
throes that shake the very heart out of your body — 
in other words the thing has fits to beat the band, 
and you wish you hadn't come! But you get all 
over it by the next day, and if you want to calm 
your mind and restore your nerves, you take a nice, 
quiet stroll down Kukui Place and kommune with 
Nature. 

Finally, if you've done anything you oughtn't 
to and get arrested and taken to the lockup, you 
run up against the biggest bunch of k's in the 
whole business. The name of the "Jug" is Kah- 
leamakakaparakapili. 

That got me ! I was kompletely kerflummuxed — 
down and out. As far as studying the Hawaiian 
language goes, I 'm a kwitter ! 

We were indebted to my good friend Mr. John 
Atkinson, Lieutenant-Governor of Hawaii, for 
many courtesies during our stay in the Islands. 
The Governor being absent, the hospitalities of the 
occasion fell upon his lieutenant, and most agreea- 
bly were they dispensed. Mr. Atkinson is said to 
be the handsomest bachelor in the eight islands, 
and why he should be a bachelor at all is one of 
those things no fellow can find out. At any rate, 
he is in demand for any and all social functions 
that may arise ; and the ladies are all of one mind 
that nothing can be quite as it should be unless 
graced by the presence of the amiable Lieutenant- 

73 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Governor. As a surf-rider, I am willing to back 
him against any Kanaka in the business. He took 
us out in one of the boats used for that purpose, 
and actually brought us back again alive. Talk 
about shooting the rapids! I think he could shoot 
anything — even the apple off the head of the Will- 
iam Tell kid without making him so much as wink. 

The Lieutenant-Governor was born in one of the 
middle Western States and went to Hawaii when 
young and grew up there, so that what he doesn't 
know about that part of the country isn't worth 
talking about. At first American Commissioner 
and later Lieutenant-Governor, Mr. Atkinson has 
made hosts of friends, and no man is better known. 

The former palace of King Kalakaua — and few 
more gorgeous and beautiful ever housed royalty — 
is inhabited by the representatives of the United 
States; and when Mr. Atkinson — accustomed to 
the splendor of his official residence— made his first 
visit to the States and beheld the modest domicil 
that houses our Presidents, he could scarcely be- 
lieve his eyesight. As soon as he was able to speak, 
he ejaculated, "Well, this is truly a republican 
country ! ' ' 

He recommended me to visit the famous silver 
temple of Kinkakuji when I got to Japan, with 
its tea-ceremony room eighty feet square, mat 
measurement. 

" Don't forget the name, now! Kinkakuji!" 

74 



HAWAII 

"No, you don't, Jack!" I replied, hastily. 

"No, you don't! No more kinky-k business for 
me! I wouldn't get that spelling-bee in my bonnet 
a second time for twice your year's salary! And 
what's more, if you stay in this k-country any 
longer, a single man, without a wife to help you 
wrestle with the bunch of k's you're up against, 
year in and year out, you'll turn out worse than 
young Charley Blank, who was so nervous the eve- 
ning he was to be married, that he got the minister 
alone in the upper hall, and begged him to give 
him all the points that he possibly could about the 
ceremony. ' ' 

"Now, Mr. Bind- 'em," he quavered, "speaking 
as a bridegroom, you know — do tell me, is it kis- 
tomary to cuss the bride?" 

We spent our last night at the islands aboard 
ship, as we were to sail at dawn; and our last 
look at their happy shores was at sunset — a golden 
calm, shaded by roseate clouds — which shed a ben- 
ison of beauty over the tranquil scene. We smiled 
a last farewell at everything — the happy homes, 
embowered in luxuriant foliage; the clustered 
palms; the distant mountains looming up in shad- 
owed majesty; the vague outline of the channel, 
fringed with foam; the chocolate figures of the 
Kanaka boys, poised on a canoe's edge or slipping 
down into the waves with a shout of glee ; the flash- 
ing surf; the near-by rocks, shading from browns 

75 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

to blues and then to royal purple; the clustered 
shipping; the busy harbor, settling down to the 
calm of evening — it was a picture of beauty to 
linger long in the memory. Aloha! and farewell 
to thee, Hawaii! 

From Honolulu to Yokohama is a passage almost 
without incident. Life on shipboard is made up 
of the usual routine, varied by ingenious devices 
to kill time. The young men enjoy the swimming- 
tank on the forward deck which the ship's carpen- 
ter has rigged and lashed with skill and security. 
The thermometer registers summer, heat, and offi- 
cers, passengers and crew are now habited in the 
lightest and coolest attire. Early rising is a fad 
with the majority, the sailors especially choosing 
the early morning hours in which to exercise their 
passion for cleanliness. If this doesn't arouse the 
sleeper, the neighboring children will. Like the 
blueberry crop in Nova Scotia, the crop of little 
ones never fails. 

I had a tiny neighbor — a veritable matutinal 
lark — who began at 5 A. m. Did you ever notice, 
while traveling, that children are like dogs and 
roosters in the country — it needs only one to start 
all the others going? 

Cards and games of all sorts filled the afternoons. 
A concert was given one evening and a mock trial 
another. The latter was very amusing ; the culprit 
was arrested on the charge of being a bachelor, and 

76 



HAWAII 

found guilty by a jury of ladies. The judge and 
attorneys wore imposing wigs cleverly made of 
rope by the sailors. 

The Pacific is so big, in comparison to the busi- 
ness done on it, that there are days in succession 
in which not a sail is sighted, yet we had a fellow 
passenger who always paced the deck with a tel- 
escope which he would suddenly extend to full 
length and peer through it as intently as if in 
search of the fag-end of futurity or the fantom 
sails of the Flying Dutchman. Then there was the 
woman who asked the captain if "that was the 
same moon we used to see in New York?" while a 
more ancient member of the sex, with a face like 
the breaking up of a hard winter, took in every- 
thing and everybody on deck, and then at the 
dinner-table took in everything within reach. This 
old lady one day said to Captain Porter: "Cap- 
tain, I don't see how you find your way across — 
isn 't it hard ? " " Oh, no, ' ' said the Captain, giving 
me a sly wink, "all the waves are numbered. " 

All Pacific Mail steamers are carefully protected 
by a rigid practise in fire and life-saving drill. At 
the tap of the bell, the crew spring to their places 
by boat and raft; each officer, with a pistol hung 
at his side, takes his station ; and the precision and 
quickness with which it is all accomplished in- 
spire the beholder with very comfortable feelings. 

The life-drill is practised in case some one should 

77 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

fall overboard. Certain members of the crew are 
assigned to this duty, ready at any moment to 
throw out life-lines, buoys that strike a light when 
they hit the water, or man the emergency life-boat 
that is kept in position to be lowered instantly. 

But we are approaching the shores of Japan. 
The wide stretch of waters that we have so safely 
and pleasantly traversed is even now but a mem- 
ory ; and every heart is beating high with pleasant 
anticipations. The tackle for hoisting baggage is 
being geared, the accommodation stairways put in 
place; and every fresh preparation seems to tell 
us that our long voyage is swiftly drawing to a 
close. 



78 



IV 

JAPAN 

Yeddo Bay — Sacred Fujiyama — The Fall of the Great 
Official — Taking Temperatures — Mountain Pilgrims — 
Tattooed Sampan Bowers — Grand Hotel, Yokohama — 
Manager Eppinger — Captain Davies ' Kindness and 
Courtesy to Us — Eiding in a 'Bieksha — Paymaster 
McDonald of U. S. Navy — Shrine and Tea-House — 
Accomplished Madam Fujita — Clean, Little Japan — 
The Japanese Student in London — (i Please Wipe Your 
Feet" — Everything Small — Famous Flower Festivals — 
Japanese Art as a Brainstorm — Taken Seriously from 
the Connoisseur's Standpoint. 

THE approach to the shores of Japan is made 
slowly. We pass through several novel ex- 
periences before entering the breakwaters 
of Yokohama. The broad bay of Yeddo, with the 
famous sacred mountain of Fujiyama — white- 
capped, majestic, beautiful— outlined in the dis- 
tance, fills the eye with a commanding interest 
whose completeness it would seem impossible to 
dispel. But this is achieved, however, and very 
thoroughly by the arrival of the health officers, 
who approached the steamer in a tender and imme- 

79 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

diately furnished whatever element of absurdity 
had been previously lacking. 

Japan compels a more rigorous examination at 
her various ports of entry than any other country. 
China makes no examination whatever, perhaps 
on the principle that it is difficult to sweeten a 
bad egg. 

All holders of official positions in Japan are 
obliged to wear European dress; and the little 
Japs who boarded our steamer, looked in their long, 
green coats, elaborately ornamented, like school- 
boys in their fathers' clothes. They are very im- 
portant little people, you must know; but one of 
them came to grief in a manner as speedy as it was 
unexpected. 

The most "chesty" of the bunch, in stepping 
from the tug to the little platform that formed the 
bottom step of the ladder leading up the ship's 
side, lost his balance, and was only saved from 
immersion in the icy water by clutching at the 
bunch of chains underneath the platform, where 
he clung, with feet drawn up to his chin, appar- 
ently conscious of the danger as well as absurdity 
of his position; for the water was very rough as 
well as cold, and the waves were banging the ten- 
der against the platform in a most unpleasant man- 
ner. I had likened the little fellows, when they 
first came alongside, to the immortal "Artful 
Dodger," but this particular Dodger was having 

80 




A Wayside Shrine 



A Public School 
Sightseeing in Tokyo 



A Fair Smoker 



JAPAN 

all he could do to dodge what was coming to him 
until the sixth officer, perceiving the situation, tore 
headlong down the steps, seized him by the collar 
of his splendid green coat and hauled him up the 
ladder like a wet kitten. "0 what a fall was 
there, my countrymen!" From the grandeur of 
his gold-green garments and the weight of his offi- 
cial dignity to this! — a cold, clammy, collapsed 
kitten in the clutch of a foreign ship's officer. 
Poor little Jappy ! I wonder if he had ever writ- 
ten in his copy-book at school that o'er-true max- 
im, " Pride goeth before a fall." 

Later, assembled in the dining-saloon, the entire 
company of the ship's passengers might have been 
seen, each with a thermometer sticking in his or 
her mouth, the while the little company of health 
officers took their temperature with the utmost 
gravity and precision. The scene was uproariously 
funny. Many of the passengers laughed until they 
cried — the male portion — but one irate female pro- 
tested that the humiliation was a disgrace! the 
nervous strain was enough to send up the tempera- 
ture of — well, of an angel from Heaven! If she 
had said the other place, now — but we anticipate. 

To come back to the sacred Fujiyama, this moun- 
tain which dominates the landscape much as Table 
Rock does the eye of the traveler approaching Cape 
Town, South Africa, is worshiped by the Japanese 
people as an embodied god. It broods over the 

81 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WOBLD 

land and the wide harbor like a guardian spirit, 
rearing itself 12,365 feet in the air from a sur- 
rounding country that is almost level. An annual 
visit from thousands of pilgrims who climb its 
steep sides in the hope of gaining spiritual favor 
and protection is one of the most striking events 
in connection with this portion of the country. 
There's one good point about this old god, if he 
is one, he always keeps a cool head; he has to, for 
there is a perpetual snow-cap on it, half a mile 
thick. 

From the steamer we went ashore in a tender — 
that is, to within a hundred feet of the landing 
place, where, owing to the tide being low, we were 
put out into a sampan propelled by one long oar, 
wielded by a decorative Japanese figure in a blue 
and white cotton kimono. 

We were not long without an example of the 
hardiness of the race, for, as we turned toward the 
shore the breeze lifted the thin cotton kimono and 
showed us that our propelling power was drest 
underneath principally in a suit of beautiful blue 
tattooing. As good a garment as any — certainly a 
skin-tight fit, and warranted not to shrink. 

We landed at the Custom House, and after some 
preliminaries were driven to the Grand Hotel. 
This hostelry — dear to the hearts of tourists — has 
been an institution from time immemorial, and is 
managed by an American with a German name, 

82 



JAPAN 

who has been its proprietor for an equally remote 
period. Mr. Louis Eppinger has grown gray and 
almost blind in the service of catering to the pub- 
lic; and, owing to the infirmities of age and rheu- 
matism, is carried up- and down-stairs in a chair 
by his two Jap boys. 

I recall with pleasure the name of Captain Da- 
vies, late Commander in the English merchant ma- 
rine, whose connection with the Grand Hotel made 
our sojourn at that house most enjoyable. Captain 
Davies is now manager of the Astor House at 
Shanghai, and a more genial and hospitable gen- 
tleman never carried out the duties of that posi- 
tion. His personal kindness to me, while at Yoko- 
hama, has made me his debtor for life. Not only 
was he most painstaking in promoting the enter- 
tainments which I gave at the Grand, but the kind 
thoughtfulness that pervaded all his attentions to 
us lingers most pleasantly in our memories. 

The cuisine at the Grand reminded us most 
pleasantly of home and the famous hotels of Amer- 
ica. A daily novelty at luncheon was the serving 
of one or two Japanese dishes, notably a tiny pud- 
ding baked in a dish, the principal ingredient be- 
ing rice with chopped meat, or chicken, in the cen- 
ter, and peppers, or something else — it would be 
difficult to tell just what — with a soy dressing. 
Soy, which tastes rather like Worcestershire sauce, 
tho milder, is the Oriental groundwork for all 

83 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

strong sauces, especially Worcestershire, there be- 
ing over a million gallons exported annually for 
that purpose. I was told that soy was made chiefly 
of fermented bean-curd, the latter being the foun- 
dation of much of the diet of the country. 

At Kobe and at Tokyo we found the hotels vari- 
ously attractive, and vice versa. One at Kobe 
might have boasted with much correctness of its 
handsome, spacious rooms and most inviting beds ; 
but over its cuisine it were best to draw the veil of 
charity. One at Tokyo was an imposing build- 
ing, also with a poor cuisine, and most unequal 
heating arrangements. Grate fires made the rooms 
almost unbearable, while the halls were like unto 
the polar regions. 

"I do not like this hotel at all!" said a lady 
guest. " It is run in such a cold way ! ' ' She meant 
the management, whose frigid aloofness and lack 
of interest sent the social atmosphere down to zero. 
In fact, it put me in mind of a Southern revival 
where the colored preacher, who was boasting of 
"the powerful outpourin' of de spirit," was asked 
if he had warned his people against stealing chick- 
ens. "Dat would nebber do, boss! Yo' see it 
would trow sich a coldness on de meetin'!" 

Our first outing, to view the "sights" of Yoko- 
hama, including the environs of the city, took place 
on a beautiful bright morning, somewhere in the 
neighborhood of Hallowe'en, as we should have 

84 



JAPAN 

said, had we been in dear old America. One could 
not possibly conjure up the odor of roast apples, 
much less frost upon the window-panes, far from 
it! When I got into a jinrikisha — the little two- 
wheeled cart, drawn by a man — I had never felt 
so unbalanced in my life. I didn't know whether 
I was going to fall out onto the man, or the cart 
was going to fall back onto me; but as soon as he 
got started into a brisk jog-trot I felt better, and 
pretty soon decided that I never enjoyed a ride 
so much in my life. 

The word jin-riki-sha means literally, according 
to Professor Chamberlain of Tokyo, man-power ve- 
hicle, that is, a vehicle pulled by a man. Or, as 
some Englishman with the flash-light wit for which 
his countrymen are so justly (?) celebrated, called 
it a " pull-man-car. " I don't recall the English- 
man's name> but I think he is dead; that is, I heard 
he was — yes, I'm quite sure he's dead. He ought 
to be, anyway. 

The word jin-riki-sha, according to Professor 
Chamberlain, is variously pronounced and spelled. 
The Japanese cut off its tail, and call it jinriki; 
the English cut off its head and pronounce it uni- 
versally 'ricksha. One dictionary man (English, 
of course) gives it jenny rickshaw. I'm afraid he 
isn't dead. 

There are over 40,000 'rickshas and a third more 
than that number of 'ricksha-men in Tokyo alone; 

85 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

and the principal ports of China, India, and the 
Malay peninsula, as well as those of Japan, owe 
to the 'ricksha a fruitful source of income for their 
teeming coolie population. It is the favorite mode 
of travel for the well-to-do. These 'ricksha-men 
will run all day as fast as a pretty good horse, and 
earn about fifty cents. Only fifteen of this is theirs, 
however, as many men work for a master — ("Pa- 
rent," as the Japanese call it) — who owns perhaps 
twenty or thirty 'rickshas, and reckons with his 
men twice monthly. In large cities a man may 
earn as high as 30 yen a month by this humble oc- 
cupation, that is, more than the salary of many a 
small official of several years' standing, not to 
speak of the excitement, amusement and independ- 
ence of the occupation. No wonder, says Profes- 
sor Chamberlain, that fresh batches of lads from 
the country pour in to replace those whom con- 
sumption and heart-disease — the result of cold and 
overexertion — only too swiftly remove from the 
busy scene. 

My 'ricksha-man could speak a little English, 
so called, and had a pleasant, smiling countenance. 
He wore his number on the back of his hat, as the 
custom is, that the "fare" may have it always in 
view. I didn't ask him if his earnings were equal 
to his needs, or if he had a large family to sup- 
port, or any other little matters of that kind, for 
I was afraid my Japanese or his English wouldn't 

86 



JAPAN 

hold out; but I did want to tell him a little story, 
only I couldn 't for the same reason. 

It was about the Irishman who was looking for 
a job, and saw a sign in a bookseller's window: 
"Porter wanted.' ' "That'll suit me!" he said, 
and entered the shop, when he was confronted by 
another: "Dickens' Works — all this week — for ten 
dollars." The Irishman read off the sign, regard- 
less of stops or commas : 

"Dickens works all this week for ten dollars, 
does he? Well, be gob! let him. I'm a Union 
man!" 

But our peregrinations were not confined to the 
'ricksha mode of locomotion, thanks to the cour- 
tesy of that very hospitable gentleman Mr. Mc- 
Donald, Paymaster for the Eastern Division of the 
U. S. Navy, who sent his carriage to us every day — 
a victoria with a Jap coachman in blue linen liv- 
ery and a mushroom hat. 

Mr. McDonald was at that time stationed at Yo- 
kohama, and has the delightful ease and polish of 
manner so distinctive of all naval gentlemen. 

The country is very beautiful. In a trip to a 
famous tea-house we saw little bridges of the most 
airy and graceful design, the architecture purely 
Japanese. The arbors of wistaria blossoms are a 
sight such as can not be found outside of Japan. 
The blossoms are fully five feet long. A little 
shrine is passed on the road enclosing a tombstone 

87 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

and small altar, where fresh tea is offered every- 
day to the spirit of the departed. 

The tea-house stands in the middle of a typical 
Japanese garden, and inside we may regale our- 
selves with pale, (not ale) but pale tea, warm sake 
(rice wine), and sweetmeats. The appearance of 
these refreshments is not inviting, and would dis- 
courage anybody but a Japanese. Sake is the na- 
tional drink, and is brewed from rice ; the yeast is 
formed from koji (husked rice) and heated and 
steamed to produce fermentation. The alcoholic 
strength is about eleven per cent., and it has a 
flavor of light sherry and is sipped warm or cold. 
Some writer has recorded that its flavor is more 
like weak Madeira that has been kept in a beer- 
bottle. However that may be, most meals and all 
banquets are opened with this drink. 

Fruit, in Japan, offers few attractions to the 
foreigner. Oranges and bananas are so small as 
effectually to quell any longings one may have 
previously felt for them. In fact, most of the fruits 
have a wooden aspect, far from inviting. One vis- 
itor declared that the native peach is first cousin 
to a brickbat! 

The persimmon is their largest fruit, but its 
sickly sweet flavor did not appeal to me. At the 
famous tea-house I have referred to, we were re- 
ceived by Madam Fujita, a most charming lady, 
who presides over its hospitalities, and is said to 

88 



JAPAN 

be the most accomplished woman, lingually, in the 
world, for she can converse with every visitor in 
his own tongue, no matter what clime or country 
he may come from. 

Japan is the land of cleanliness. Everything is 
so neat and clean; it looks as if somebody had got 
up before breakfast to sweep and dust the whole 
country. And the Japanese take a just pride in 
the cleanliness of their nation. Prince Haseba, 
in an after-dinner speech at Spokane, said, "If 
you should visit a Japanese house you would be 
obliged to remove your shoes at the doorway. Jap- 
anese floors are beautifully kept. I know of some 
houses where thirty or forty servants have no other 
duty than the polishing of the floors. ' ' 

A young Japanese student, living in London, 
was so unfortunate as to be located in an apart- 
ment house where the janitor did not keep the hall 
in good condition. It offered a great contrast to 
his own spotless home in Japan and the young 
man felt it keenly. On the approach of winter 
fhe janitor put up a notice in the entrance, "Please 
wipe your feet. ' ' The young student, the first night 
he observed this notice, took out a pencil and added, 
* ' On going out. ' ' 

Japan is also the land of unrealities. The whole 
country is a toy-shop. The houses are like those 
receptacles for toothpicks we used to covet in our 
childhood to play house with. The landscape is 

89 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

an animated fan and the people walking dolls. 
Everything is small. The horses are all ponies ; the 
chickens bantams; the dogs small and shy — with 
apologetic manners — they wouldn't presume to 
bark at your heels without first asking permission ; 
the oysters are about as large as a quarter; clams 
no larger than a dime; bananas not more than 
four or five inches long, and oranges about the size 
of lady-apples. Yes, everything is small. I never 
felt so much at home in my life. 

I have said that the Japanese people are the most 
polite on earth. They are also kind, cheerful, and 
happy, and, tho their perpetual cheerfulness has 
been criticized as showing lack of character, this 
is really due to etiquette which decrees in Japan 
that a smiling face must be turned to the world, 
no matter what their inward grief may be. They 
are sincerely kind, too, and one of the first lessons 
taught a Japanese girl is never to gossip. A favor- 
ite saying among them is, "Mother says I must 
neither speak, see, nor hear evil. ' ' When repeating 
this, they place their fingers over their eyes, with 
their thumbs stopping up their ears. The mouth 
is left uncovered, perhaps because they realize that 
the tongue is the "unruly member" that can not 
be entirely controlled. 

Gentleness and courtesy are a part of every-day 
life; smiling faces prevail everywhere, and tho 
a bitter war was going on at the time of our 

90 



JAPAN 

visit, and there was scarcely a home that had not 
known a loss, there was no sign of mourning visi- 
ble. The men never swear, for there are no swear- 
words in the Japanese language. I don't know 
how they relieve their feelings when they lose a 
collar-button down their back or hit their thumb- 
nail with a hammer. 

In the cherry-blossom season much enjoyment is 
derived by this artistic little nation from sitting 
beneath the trees and looking at the beautiful pink 
blossoms. Little booths of bamboo are erected, 
where the people sit on blankets and drink tea on 
pleasant afternoons. There is no social intercourse 
between the men and the women ; they sit at oppo- 
site sides of the booth. 

The whole population turns out several times in 
the year to these charming flower-festivals. The 
plum-blossom comes the end of January, and lasts 
into March; the cherry-blossom the first half of 
April; the wistaria early in May; the lotus early 
in August ; the chrysanthemum the first three weeks 
in November ; and the maple — for they include such 
bright leaves among the flowers — all November. 

The cherry-blossom receives the highest share of 
consideration. The flowers vary in color from the 
palest pink to a warm rose. Their effect is very 
much like that of the almond-blossom of England 
and America — the double variety being ten-petaled 
— and, like it, bears no fruit. Some of the cherry- 

91 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

orchards are said to number exactly a thousand 
trees and to be 1,300 years old. The effect of this 
mass of blooms is indescribably beautiful. Many 
writers for years have devoted their most eloquent 
powers to praise of the Japanese spring-time and 
its flowering beauty. Far be it from my pen to 
compete with them. But I will nevertheless add 
my mite and also recall to my readers' memories 
the windows of various Japanese shops in New York 
and other American cities in the early part of 
April, where the owner, tho far from his native 
land, still clings to a beloved and honored custom 
of placing among his wares upright branches of 
pink paper blossoms that in some degree commem- 
orate the famous cherry-tree festival of his native 
country. 

Japanese art has had many admirers and many 
detractors. The latter have likened their china, 
sprawling with dragons and alive with grinning 
faces, to a fit of the jim-jams; their sunflowers to 
jellyfish and their chrysanthemums to cart-wheels. 

Its admirers claim that all you have to do is to 
study up its symbols, and then go ahead. But it 
strikes me that by the time youVe learned the sym- 
bols it would be time to die. For instance, when a 
Japanese artist draws a picture of an April eve- 
ning, a dyspeptic moon, a nightingale, and a couple 
of plum-trees, and asks you its meaning, 111 wager 
that if you stood first on one foot and then on the 

92 



JAPAN 

other for two mortal hours, you couldn't give the 
fellow an answer. It's dollars to doughnuts you 
couldn't tell the nightingale from a fish-hawk, and 
you couldn't tell what he was doing on the plum- 
tree, or on the moon — it don't matter which — if 
they gave you the whole business — the hawk, the 
plum-tree, the moon, and the April evening — to 
take home to your wife for a birthday present. 
For, my dear fellow man, that picture means Hap- 
piness! yes, Happiness. And, if you can't see the 
artist's meaning and — what's more to the point — 
get your wife to see it, you'd better stay right in 
the artist's studio, and 

But you won't! You'll go straight home with 
the picture under your arm, and you'll rush up to 
your wife and, in an insane endeavor to expatiate 
on the complex beauties of the thing, you'll say: 

"Look, Maria ! just see this ! A present for your 
birthday — didn't forget you, did I? Here you are 
—•great ! Look at the willowy moon, and the night- 
ingale sky, and the plum-hawk " 

And then she'll burst into tears, and cry, "I 
knew it! I knew it! I've seen it coming! Oh, I 
knew it!" 

1 ' Knew what, for heaven 's sake ? ' ' 

"That you'd begin to see things! Stopping off 
at that corner nights has done it — I knew it would 
— a plum-hawk! 0, Archibald! that you should 
come to this! O, 0!" 

93 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

And there you are! — hysterics; the telephone; 
the doctor; and, praise the Lord! a " quick cur- 
tain/' as they say at the theater. 

But all is not over. You spend what remains of 
the night in anathematizing, in tones not loud but 
deep, Japanese art in the concrete and this par- 
ticular specimen in the obsolete, till the cold gray 
dawn steals in upon you and you feel a longing — 
nay, a thirst, an unhallowed thirst— for the blood of 
that high-art apostle Bilkins, the friend of twenty 
years, who lured you into that studio and intro- 
duced you to art— "symbolic" art, made up of 
birds, beasts and fishes, the like of which never 
walked on land or swam in water. 

You prop the casus belli on your knee and thus 
apostrophize it: 

"You call yourself a moon, do you? Why, a 
half-baked soda biscuit is a queen to you! And 
you're a nightingale, are you?" Why, you splay- 
footed, wry-neck, hollow-back, shark-nose night- 
mare ! a setting-hen with the wind-cackles is a bird 
of paradise to you! What did that idiotic Bil- 
kins with his infernal 'symbols' mean, by letting 
me in twenty-five dollars for this? Yes, twenty- 
five dollars! and what's the result? Maria throw- 
ing fits, and the doctor's bill another twenty-five, 
and nothing to show for the fifty but this dum- 
basted Japanese brainstorm! 

"A symbol of Happiness, eh? Well, it hasn't 

94 



JAPAN 

brought much happiness to my home! A plum- 
tree ! Looks more like a gooseberry bush. I '11 bet 
the plums on it would sour a barrel of molasses ! 

11 ' Patriotism/ said that ass of a Bilkins, 4s 
sometimes indicated by a spray of cherry-blossoms. ' 
Well, I've seen it indicated round the 17th of 
March by a sprig of shamrock, and more times 
round the 4th of July by a red-white-and-blue ro- 
sette, but nobody needed an interpreter in either 
case to tell what they were the i symbol' of. 

1 ' Grace and quietness are indicated by the wil- 
low-tree and the swallow, eh? Very well; I admit 
the willow-tree. For gracefulness she's all to the 
good. But the swallow for quietness! Well, I've 
seen some swallows that wouldn't go in that class 
— not for nickels. One swallow doesn't make a sum- 
mer, but two will get away with a whisky-straight 
in a second and a half; and three more will make 
a man's tongue go like a mill-clapper; while three 
more will bust up all the quietness left over from 
a generation of country Sabbaths. 

"Now, that blue-and-green dragon twisting 
round the horizon! I suppose he's a dragon, but 
he looks more like a hose-pipe with an attack of ap- 
pendicitis. He's the symbol for Religion, eh? Re- 
ligion! Great snakes! he ought to be the symbol 
for the alcoholic ward in Bellevue Hospital. 

"And this little game-cock perched on a drum 
signifies good government? Well, that's a stretch 

95 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

of imagination with a vengeance ! Looks more like 
a sparrow on a pancake-griddle. Good government, 
eh? I reckon they don't need any over there, or 
they'd get something bigger than His Drumsticks 
for a symbol. His Purple Nibs hardly looks equal 
to the job. I should say scratching up worms in 
the back yard was more in his line. 

"Well, I've had an alcoholic sufficiency of Jap- 
anese art; my reputation for sobriety with my wife 
is gone to the four winds; I'm fifty out of pocket; 
and nothing — -absolutely nothing to show for it 
but you! — you brain-twisted, colicky, jaundiced 
paranoeic ! 

"It's the furnace fire for yours!" 

On the other hand, no style of art is so fasci- 
nating to Occidental minds. The daintiness of 
conception, the charm of color, the spring-time 
freshness of atmosphere that pervades each and 
every effort of the Oriental workman possesses a 
charm wholly individual and one which it is diffi- 
cult to resist. 

As I have said, the scheme must be studied, the 
symbols learned; but to the dilettante this is ever 
a well-spring of pleasure, and one that will never 
go dry. 

The system of "threes" or of "ones" once 
learned captivates the fancy — for things artistic are 
nothing if not fanciful in this Orient land — and 
holds the imagination in spite of oneself. The 

96 




At the Tea-House of the 101 Steps 

A Street Restaurant 

Nunobiki Waterfall 



JAPAN 

art-etiquette, so to speak, of a Japanese interior 
is enchanting — when one has learned it. There 
is only one bunch of flowers — sometimes only a 
single expressive blossom in a room. There is but 
one picture. But this oneness must be at just 
such a time and in just such a place. Can you not 
understand why? Love is not always responsive 
to love's demands. Solitude, at times, is sweeter 
and more to be desired. So the picture is hung, 
the flower placed. 

Every flower has a meaning. Certain flowers 
must never be seen together. Certain others must 
never be seen apart. Then, again, everything goes 
in threes — blossoms, boughs, or sprays. Even fur- 
niture has a meaning. The details of this etiquette 
are endless, and, to the Occidental mind, bewilder- 
ing, unless one "has an imagination" — or at least 
an esthetic sense to which its poetic features can 
appeal. 

In the matter of coloring alone, Japanese art 
leads the world ; the secret is their own. Their pic- 
ture-slides, etc., notably those by Kimbei, Japan's 
greatest colorist, are unsurpassed by any hereto- 
fore attempted. 

Tho Japan is the land of beautiful bric-a-brac, 
none is ever displayed. The precious vase, rich 
with gorgeous lacquer; the picture, beautiful with 
poetic symbols; the carving, that has taken years 
of patient cunning to create — these are never dis- 

97 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

played on wall or cabinet, but locked away in safe 
or storeroom to be brought out as a special honor to 
guest or visitor whose coming their host wishes to 
celebrate with the highest rites of Eastern hospi- 
tality. 

"If we had our precious treasures always before 
our eyes," they say, "they would then become too 
common, and we should tire of them ; and that must 
never be!" 



98 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

Streets Overflowing with Life and Color — Children as the 
Sands of the Sea — Baby Nurses — Street Venders and 
Eating-Stands — Continual Baking and Brewing — Shops 
Open to the Street — Domestic Life Seen Through Open 
Screens — Fire-boxes — I Try to Make Some Purchases — 
Japanese Money of an Ancient Vintage — Inroad of 
American and European Ideas — Marriage in Japan — 
Eailroad Travel — "Buffalo Bill" and the Englishman 
— Wail of the Lost Souls — No Outward Signs of War — 
Their Brass Bands — Japanese Mother and Her Three 
Sons — The Bounty- Jumper >s Glass Eye — A Nation 
of Imitators — Eeligious Aspects Amusing as Well as 
Interesting — Ancient and Primitive Methods — Every- 
thing Done in the Hardest Way — Evolution of the 
New Japan. 

THE streets in Japan are fascinating, over- 
flowing as they are with life and color. 
The children are as the sands of the sea, 
and seven times out of ten a child has a smaller 
one strapped to his or her back. There is no dis- 
tinction, boys playing nurse quite as frequently 
as girls. I contrasted their cheerfulness and evi- 
dent pleasure in performing this duty with the 
outraged dignity of an American boy of ten or 

L OF C. " 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

twelve, obliged to carry a baby about for a morn- 
ing or afternoon. 

Little tots of five or six may be seen with babies 
fully a year old strapped to their backs, and mind- 
ing it so little that they play hop-scotch, puss-in- 
the-corner, and all sorts of games, running about 
on high wooden clogs that would trip up an Amer- 
ican child at the first step. 

The children are put out of the houses early in 
the morning, when the mothers sweep, dust and 
polish everything to an immaculate cleanliness— 
and the little nomads live and play and appar- 
ently eat all their meals in the streets. Venders 
of every sort are always close at hand, those who 
carry their wares in baskets or boxes slung from a 
bamboo pole; those who have gaily painted carts 
like little houses on wheels; or those who have 
regular stands. 

At these last-named there are a continual baking 
and boiling and brewing for which there seem al- 
ways to be customers. Either a large proportion 
of the Japanese people in the cities must take their 
meals in this manner, or they have enormous appe- 
tites and eat constantly between meals. 

The shops are open to the streets, and closed at 
night with wooden shutters. At the back of every 
shop may be seen the paper-covered sliding screen 
leading into the little home. This screen is almost 
invariably open, disclosing the entire family group. 

100 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

The hair-dresser, building up the wonderful coif- 
fure rolled over tiny bolsters, and greased with 
coco-oil to a shining blackness, affected by the 
Japanese women; shampooing, sewing, writing, 
reading — every occupation is in full view of the 
passer-by. 

The shopkeepers crouch on their mats, and hover 
over a fire-box, or hibachi, as they call it. This is 
the only means of heating known in Japanese 
houses. These hibachi are of porcelain, bronze or 
brass, like a large jardiniere, filled with clay, in the 
middle of which a few sticks of charcoal smolder. 
The Jap sits on his feet, and is drest very warmly 
in silk and cotton-wadded garments, so that it is 
only his hands that get cold; and these he toasts 
continually over the fire-box. 

Speaking of shops and making oneself under- 
stood, I felt that after my experience in the Ha- 
waiian tongue, I was fully justified in letting the 
Japanese severely alone. I never got much beyond 
the two words, "O-hay-o" (good morning) and 
" Sayonara" (good-by). The "good morning' ' is 
pronounced as near like "Ohio" as they can make 
it. I suppose if they wanted to bid any one "good 
night," they would say "Philadelphia." 

But I did try to learn something about the Jap- 
anese money and its various divisions, only I had 
bad luck from the start. I got hold of the wrong 
customer or else he did. 

101 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

I started in to buy some sandals and a hat. I 
knew that one yen, at par, is worth almost exactly 
fifty cents American money, and that ten rin go to 
a sen, and one hundred sen to a yen. But the old 
man who waited on me either knew no more than 
I did or was exploiting some new and original 
methods of his own, for he held up the sandals in 
one hand and the hat in the other while he ejac- 
ulated in a low guttural, "Mon! mon!" 

"Oh, yes! I gotta da mon!" I replied, pulling 
out my purse and spreading some Japanese coins 
on my palm. 

But he shook his head and held up his forefin- 
ger saying, "Shy!" 

" Oh, I 'm shy one, am I ? Well, take this ! ' ' and 
I threw the largest coin I had into the little basket 
before him. But this seemed to excite him. He 
wagged his forefinger at me and cried ' ' Bunkyu ! ' ' 
at the top of his voice. 

1 ' Bunco me ? I guess not, my friend ! " I replied, 
"I'm from New York!" 

At this he threw down the hat and sandals and, 
shaking his hands as tho he were trying to get rid 
of soap-suds, he cried, "Shi-mon! shi-mon!" 

"Oh, I was shy one, and now I'm shy the whole 
business! Well, I don't think you and I will make 
a deal to-day!" and sweeping the coins into my 
purse I was preparing to be gone. 

Suddenly he leaned forward, thrust his face 

102 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

close to mine, and in a most indescribable manner 
hissed through his teeth, ' ' Ichi-bu ! ichi-bu ! ' ' 

Well, say! did you ever play that idiotic game 
with a six or seven months' old infant, called 
Kitch-a-boo? The baby lies in the cradle, or on 
its mother's lap, as the case may be, and you, wish- 
ing to make yourself solid with the family, lean 
over and, assuming a ghastly grin, teeter over to- 
ward the infant, and then teeter back again, and 
then teeter forward, spluttering, "Kitch-a-boo! 
Kitch-a-boo!" until it's ten to one that the kid 
either goes into fits or sets up a howl that makes 
the mother wish that murder was not a punishable 
offense. 

If you ever have indulged in that tender little 
pastime, then you can have some idea of my frame 
of mind when the old Jap performed this strange 
antic. Backing away from him I shook my head 
violently and thrust my purse into my pocket, 
when he plucked me by the sleeve and with a whine 
that would have done credit to a Hester Street old- 
clothes man said, "Kanye! Kanye!" 

"No, I can't! and I'm hanged if I ever will!" 
and with that I turned away and the negotiation 
was at an end. 

Now what do you think was the matter with the 
old fellow ? Why, he was not only a little touched 
in the upper story, but he knew nothing of the 
cash system of his country later than the vintage 

103 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOELD 

of 1868. He had been left to tend the shop for a 
few moments and, as usual, I fell a victim to the 
change of circumstances. Let it be said that, ac- 
cording to Delmar, the standard formerly was, as 
in China, the small round iron or bronze coins with 
the square hole in the center which were of three 
denominations: 1st, the mon; 2d, the bunkyu; 3d, 
the shi-mon. The shi was an oblong silver coin, 
a;nd the ichi-bu another; the latter being equal to 
four shi. Kanye means the era of coinage, but 
the era of old coins does not indicate the age of the 
coin. For example, coins made about 1860 bear the 
name of the era Kanye. 

The manufacture of all these ceased at the begin- 
ning of the present era of Meidji, that is to say, 
the 25th of January, 1868, which was the year that 
the present Emperor assumed sovereign power. 
The mon is now valued at one rin, and the bunkyu 
at one and one-half rin. The old gold coins and 
the oblong silver ones are only to be found in the 
curio shops. This according to Delmar. 

In the shops are many evidences of the inroads 
of American, and European ideas, for in almost 
every one, not devoted to food-products, may be 
seen all kinds of Yankee notions, knitted goods 
and underwear. 

The grafting of the new ideas on to the old make 
a hybrid growth, showing some funny combina- 
tions. The men take up the European dress first, 

104 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

but with very few exceptions their desire seems to 
go no farther than the mere possession of the 
clothes regardless of style or fit. 

There are no old maids in Japan. Marriages 
are arranged; and as widows are not allowed to 
marry again, that helps toward having enough 
men to go round, since each woman has only one 
chance. 

When her husband dies, even tho she may be 
young and charming, the widow's hair is cut off, 
and she is doomed for the rest of her life to sin- 
gle blessedness and a cropped head. An old-time 
custom, which is fortunately dying out, was to 
blacken a woman's teeth when she got married. 
So it was hard to tell which was most disfiguring — 
getting a husband or losing one. Every district 
has its own distinctive marriage ceremony, but the 
following is the one in general use. 

No priest officiates at the marriage ceremony. 
An elderly couple, called the "go-betweens," con- 
duct the courtship and assist the bride and groom 
to perform the rite that makes them man and wife, 
which consists of nine cups of wine tasted alter- 
nately by the bride and groom, who hand them to 
each other. This is called the " san-san-kudo, ' ' lit- 
erally "three-three-nine," and means that they 
will share the bitter and the sweet in life's cup to- 
gether. 

Between them is a low whitewood table on 

105 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

which are a few customary things: an image of a 
stork, and a tortoise, and a pine-bough— all sym- 
bolizing long life. 

Sometimes there are the images of an old man 
and woman, a couple who lived happily for a 
hundred years; also a bough of plum-blossoms, 
symbol of conjugal happiness. 

The bride wears white, the mourning color in Ja- 
pan, to signify that her old life is ended — for mar- 
riage is too often a sort of death-in-life to the Jap- 
anese woman. She is virtually the slave of her 
mother-in-law, and must live only for her husband's 
family, who exact from her the most abject sub- 
mission. She marries at sixteen and begins a life 
of drudgery that makes her an old woman at thirty 
or thirty-five, and her only gleam of hope in life 
lies in her having sons who will marry and place 
her in the envied position of mother-in-law. 

The flowing veil of the Western bride is for the 
Japanese woman a large hood, made of white wad- 
ding, that modestly shades her features. When the 
ceremony — which is never witnessed by the guests 
— is completed, she retires and changes her cos- 
tume ; for the wedding kimono once doffed is never 
worn again. 

When she is drest again, she appears at the feast 
to which guests are bidden. Very wealthy brides 
retire between each course — sometimes there are 
nine, sometimes seven or eleven, a regular game of 

106 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

craps! — and reappear in more gorgeous raiment, 
until you begin to think there's a corner in ki- 
monos. 

When the feasting is over, the "go-between" 
couple conducts the bride and groom to the bridal 
chamber and serves them a special cup, called the 
1 'bed- wine." During the marriage ceremony the 
bridal pair do not drink the nine cups of wine, 
but merely touch their lips to the cup; for the 
well-known potency of the sake would have them 
paralyzed by about the fifth cup, and they'd never 
get married at all. 

While at the Imperial Hotel, Tokyo, we were 
permitted to witness a portion of a Japanese wed- 
ding, that is, the feast and reception. Like our 
Hebrew friends in America, the Japs now hire the 
parlors of a hotel, chiefly because their little doll- 
houses are so small. It was very funny ; the women 
all like embarrassed images, done up in their best 
kimonos and not saying a word, while the men, in 
stiff, badly fitting European "store-clothes," stood 
around in little groups and talked, looking like 
animated tailors' dummies. 

One young man picked out, with one finger, a 
native air on the piano, while the children were the 
only ones who were at all happy, or didn't look as 
if they wished they hadn't come. 

We were not surprised to see children there, as 
they go everywhere in Japan, even to the theater, 

107 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

where they trot about between the acts, and even 
invade the stage. Such universal consideration is 
shown them I was reminded of a story which, 
however, does not apply to Japanese domestic life, 
but is worth the telling. 

Says Mrs. Peace to Miss Sharp, a caller, "My 
husband and I never dispute before the children. 
When a quarrel seems imminent, we always send 
them out." 

Miss Sharp: "Ah, I've often wondered why 
they're so much in the street!" 

Hateful thing, wasn't she? 

English is quite generally spoken, particularly 
among the boys. The 'ricksha-men almost all have 
a smattering and can tell the different points of in- 
terest, tho frequently one has to make some rather 
wild guesses as to what they mean. When, however, 
the fact has been grasped that "dewotomy" means 
' ' department, ' ' and ' ' sea-soldare, ' ' means l ' sea- 
soldier or marine," "Horean Agation" means 
"Austrian Legation," these with other number- 
less examples make conversation fairly plain 
sailing. 

I was brought to a standstill one day, however, 
by my smiling 'ricksha-man pointing to a house 
within the barracks and saying ' ' Quannon. ' ' After 
repeating it several times with no visible impres- 
sion on my understanding, he finally appealed to 
a passer-by who, tho his pronunciation was not 

108 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

much better, at last made me understand that 
"commandant' ' was meant. 

One sees many signs in English, but the people 
who make them have their own ideas as to arrange- 
ment. For instance, in Yokohama may be seen a 
sign over a butcher shop that reads, "Beefandhen- 
meat" — it looks like some strange foreign word, 
but after close inspection resolves itself into "Beef 
and hen meat. ' ' 

In Tokyo a jewelry store has on the window, 
"The "Watches Shop," and tacked on a fence at 
the top of a high hill I saw the following: "As 
danger is, should not throw the stones.' ' 

Travel on the railroads is very easy, for every 
sign is repeated in English below the Japanese 
characters, the porters who carry bags and direct 
passengers all speak a little English, and under- 
stand more. So do the ticket-sellers, who are all 
girls, but best of all the American system of check- 
ing baggage is in practise. The trains are divided 
into first, second and third class, the price of tick- 
ets varying accordingly. 

The trains are small and slow, and seem not to 
think it necessary ever to be on time. Smoking 
is allowed in every class, even in the sleeping- 
cars. 

For my sins I traveled one night in one of these 
Japanese sleeping-cars, and it will always stand 
out in my memory as one of the most uncomfort- 

109 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

able I ever passed. The cars are divided into com- 
partments, two long leather seats facing each other, 
running across the car. The backs of these seats 
lift up, and propt by poles make four berths 
altogether. The bedding is clean and sufficient, 
but there are no springs in the beds, absolutely no 
privacy, and one tiny window for the whole com- 
partment, public opinion being usually divided as 
to whether it shall be opened or closed. 

This reminds me of a story of my friend Colonel 
Cody ("Buffalo Bill") used to tell. He said that 
once upon a time an Englishman who had never 
been in the West before was his guest. They were 
riding through a Rocky Mountain canon one day, 
when suddenly a tremendous gust of wind came 
swooping down upon them, and actually carried 
the Englishman clear off the wagon-seat. After 
he had been picked up, he combed the sand and 
gravel out of his whiskers and said: 

"I say! I think you overdo ventilation in this 
bloomin ' country ! ' f 

My berth was over the wheels, and this, together 
with a roadbed of which a coal railroad in Penn- 
sylvania would be ashamed, produced such jolts 
and bumps that my brain felt as tho it had been 
through an egg-beater. The compartment was full, 
one occupant being a German army officer who, 
besides being in full uniform, even to enormous 
fur-lined overcoat, sword and spurs, brought in to 

110 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

choke the little available space a satchel, a large 
flat wicker hamper, and a packing-box. He had 
also a very industrious and far-reaching snore with 
him. 

The third occupant being a traveling Catholic 
priest, and, like the soldier, a man of huge propor- 
tions, I was rather interested to know which of 
these was to occupy the berth over me. For it 
seemed a flimsy sort of affair, and I took particular 
pains to see that it was well propt up. 

I was rather relieved to find it was to be the sol- 
dier, for I consoled myself with the old adage that 
the pen is mightier than the sword, and decided it 
would be a worse calamity to have the Church down 
on me than the army. Even if sleep with all these 
considerations had been possible, the frequent stops 
would have completely put it to flight. For the 
moment a train arrives at a station, no matter what 
the time of night, the sellers of lunch-boxes, hot 
milk, tea or tobacco begin to cry their wares in 
tones that are like the wailings of lost souls, and 
for penetration and volume unequaled by any- 
thing in my experience. 

The sellers of tea at the stations will give one a 
small teapot filled with hot tea, and a tiny cup, all 
for three sen, or a cent and a half in American 
money. 

In all Japan there were very few outward and 
visible signs of war. The self-restraint taught 

HI 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

these people for centuries keeps them from any 
display of enthusiasm. Occasionally the barrier is 
broken down, and considering their training even 
a slight demonstration means much. All through 
the country victory poles were erected. These are 
long bamboo poles with round netting balls at the 
top, set up at opposite sides of the street, and lean- 
ing toward each other until their points cross. At 
the railroad stations one was sure to see parties of 
wounded soldiers returning from the front or 
those who were departing for the seat of war. 
These latter were always attended by a crowd of 
men and women, who waved small Japanese flags 
and gave a shout as the train moved away. This 
shout is really more of a screech than a good, round 
cheer, such as would be heard in America, for it 
seems as if there is some physical reason why the 
Japanese can not raise their voices without pro- 
ducing the most blood-curdling sounds. The street- 
cries are all strident and unpleasant; the com- 
mands of officers to their men tinny and rasping — 
while Japanese singing, to a foreigner, is conducive 
to nervous prostration. As for the brass bands, 
their music is like unto nothing under the heavens 
or — I will safely wager — above them. And their 
fondness for American airs — Sousa's marches, and 
the like — adds to the torture. "Marching Through 
Georgia" is a prime favorite with them, but I 
would have to study over the tune, as they produced 

112 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

it, a long while before I would dare take my oath 
that I had ever heard it before. 

The Girls' Industrial School, which is the pet 
charity of the childless Empress, was the only place 
where indications that there was a war in progress 
could be found. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays the 
pupils, abandoning their paints, their embroidery 
and knitting, their cooking and sewing, devoted 
their entire day to making clothing for the soldiers. 

I have spoken somewhat of the external attitude 
of these people. Of their interior attitude of heart 
and mind much more might be said, especially in 
regard to their late war with Eussia, which was 
going on at the time of my visit. This was some- 
thing they would not talk about. Any mention of 
the subject was met with an adroit change of the 
conversation into other channels. But intense pa- 
triotism, the most supreme confidence in their ulti- 
mate success, reigned in every heart. Examples of 
the most heroic self-sacrifice were not lacking. A 
Japanese mother had given her three sons to the 
war. The first was reported slain. She smiled and 
said, "It is well. I am happy." The second lay 
dead upon the field. She smiled again and said, 
"I am still happy." The third gave up his life 
and they said to her, "At last you weep!" "Yes," 
she said, ' * but it is because I have no more sons to 
give to my beloved country!" 
Now, this is all very beautiful, but as my mis- 

113 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOELD 

sion in life is laughter instead of tears, I want to 
say that it reminds me of a little story of our coun- 
try and our war — the war of the great Eebellion. 
When, in answer to the call for troops, the blood of 
our noble volunteers had been poured out upon 
Southern fields for three long years, there arose a 
class of men called " bounty- jumpers " who, acting 
as substitutes for drafted men and taking a large 
sum of money for the job, sometimes "jumped the 
bounty" and disappeared instead of going to the 
front to serve Uncle Sam. These men were sub- 
jected to a medical examination which, in the 
hands of unscrupulous physicians (who received a 
large fee if the man "passed"), was not always as 
rigorous as it should be. A doctor who was seen 
coming out of the examining room with a very sour 
face was greeted by a friend with a "Hello, Doc! 
What's the matter? Didn't you pass your man?' 5 

"Pass nothin'!" 

"Why, he looked all right!" 

"All right! why he was sound as a nut, but the 
Colonel of the regiment suggested we stand him 
up on a high table and make him jump to the floor, 
and, by Jove! if his confounded glass eye didn't 
fall out and spoil the whole business ! ' ' 

The Japanese are not an original people ; they are 
essentially a nation of imitators. For centuries 
they have borrowed from China their civilization, 
their characters for writing, and many of their cus- 

114 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

toms and industries, notably the cultivation of silk- 
worms, the manufacture of silk and porcelain, lac- 
quer-ware and bronze, ivory-carving, painting and 
embroidery. In the transmission of many customs, 
however, was added a love of cleanliness that is 
unknown to the Chinese. 

Now Japan is borrowing the customs of Europe 
and America, and while in many cases they prevail 
entirely, such as the organization of the army, the 
street-car lines and railways, they are more fre- 
quently seen side by side with the customs of old 
Japan. There are about one hundred thousand 
Christians in Japan, about equally divided between 
Catholics and Protestants, many of them high offi- 
cials who eagerly advocate the growth of the relig- 
ion. They are a deeply logical people, and argue 
that the greatest nations of the world are all Chris- 
tian nations ; therefore it is expedient, not so much 
for their souls' good as for their country, that she 
should become a Christian nation. 

The religious aspect of the Japanese people is 
sometimes amusing, and always interesting. Our 
visit to the temple at Asakusa in Tokyo was espe- 
cially so. It is the local Coney Island. We saw 
people at the temple throwing money through slats 
into a box in front of the idols, and one old woman 
was solemnly rubbing the arm of a wooden idol, 
then her own. Perhaps this was a sort of charm 
to cure rheumatism. Finally she rubbed her hands 

115 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WOKLD 

together and prayed for a long time, and then went 
her way. 

There remains intact one ancient institution and 
one I hesitate to touch upon, yet feel that it almost 
demands mention, being, as it is, such a universal 
and accepted portion of Japanese life. 

I speak of that section of every city known as the 
Yoshiwara. The fronts of the gaily lighted houses 
are divided from the streets by wooden bars. The 
poor little soiled doves who sit in these cages ex- 
posed for sale are arrayed in the most gorgeous 
plumage. It is a pitiful sight to see the unfortu- 
nate creatures, powdered and painted, smiling and 
becking, crouching over fire-boxes warming their 
poor little hands. 

"While Japanese men are more and more adopt- 
ing European dress, the women assume it very 
slowly, the men not encouraging it, seeming to pre- 
fer their womankind in the national costume. There 
is reason certainly for this preference, for a Japan- 
ese woman is picturesque in her own costume, even 
tho she may not come up to standards of Western 
beauty, while in the borrowed plumes of other 
countries she is like the daw decked out in peacock 
feathers that neither became him nor made him 
other than he was. 

The working class still clings to the ancient cos- 
tume and methods. To-day ladders are made of 
bamboo, the rungs lashed fast with rope, as they 

116 




Three Little Maids 



A Watering-Cart 
Wrestlers 



A Japanese Mother 



SNAP SHOTS OF JAPAN 

have been made for generations. The streets are 
watered with little carts having a row of holes at 
the back, and pulled by men, who fill them slowly 
and laboriously, one bucket at a time, while the 
sidewalks are watered by two perforated buckets 
suspended from a bamboo pole laid across the 
shoulders of a man, who tro\;s in and out between 
the people, turning and twisting until the walk is 
thoroughly sprinkled. 

Everything seems to be done in the most difficult 
way, and those who work, work very hard. The few 
men who have a horse-dray never sit and drive, 
even when the dray is empty, but always walk 
ahead, dragging the patient brute along. Loads are 
more frequently carried on hand-carts, pulled by 
men, women or boys. In going up a hill three or 
four men will pull or push, intoning a sort of dro- 
ning song as they work. 

In the country districts life in its most primitive 
and ancient aspects may be seen. In the rice-fields 
men and women work side by side, their ankles 
bleeding from contact with the stubble, wielding 
tools of a pattern as old as the cultivation of the 
grain. 

The evolution of the new Japan from the chrys- 
alis of the old is an interesting study just now. All 
signs point toward the springing of a new country, 
full-fledged, ready to spread its bright wings and 
fly away from the old that has wrapt it close for 
so many centuries. But the time is not yet. 

117 



VI 

THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

A Holiday for All Japan— Streets a Mass of Color— Tiny 
Human Butterflies — A Courteous Crowd — Eight Thou- 
sand Troops in Line — Gold-lace Diplomats — The Crown 
Prince is Greeted with Shouts — Emperor with Eeverent 
Silence — His Face not His Fortune — ' ' Ole Hats ! ' ' — 
Big Wigs Swap Stories — Banquet in Imperial Palace — 
Japanese Editorial — Ambassador Griscom and His 
Charming Wife — Stars and Stripes Float over Shabbiest 
Buildings. 

THE third of November, which is the birth- 
day of the Emperor Mutsu-Hito, and a holi- 
day for all Japan, dawned bright and clear, 
and tho acceptably warmer, after severely cold 
weather, there was a briskness in the air that made 
one feel glad to be alive. The streets of Tokyo 
from early morning were thronged with people, 
all in their very best and brightest, in honor of the 
beloved monarch, who stands to them as a sort of 
deity. 

In the hotel halls a gong was sounded at six 
o'clock to arouse the guests, as those who were go- 
ing to the review of troops must not be late. 
When we left the hotel at eight o'clock the streets 

118 



THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

were a mass of color. The brilliant Japanese flag 
was displayed everywhere, together with gay paper 
lanterns and pictures. The 'ricksha-men were do- 
ing a lively business, flying about in every direc- 
tion. The people, all merry and bubbling over with 
expectancy, clattered along on their wooden clogs, 
leading or carrying on their backs human but- 
terflies, so gorgeous were the costumes of their 
children. 

The road leading to the Aoyama parade-ground, 
along which the Emperor would pass, was lined 
with a solid mass of people, not alone of Tokyo, 
but from all the outlying districts. It was essen- 
tially a good-natured crowd— every one smiling and 
willing to do all that they could for the comfort 
of their neighbors. Certainly nowhere in the world 
^an such gracious bows be seen when acquaintances 
pass on the street. 

Eight thousand troops were to be reviewed, and 
when we reached the parade-ground they were 
drawn up in solid lines, where they had been stand- 
ing for hours. People were packed about the edges 
of the field, but those to whom invitations had been 
issued were comparatively few. Tents and chairs 
were provided for their comfort, matting spread 
on the ground, and pits dug, in which charcoal fires 
smoldered. 

The foreign ministers and attaches were driven 
up in state. We saw many of their carriages on 

119 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

our way, two footmen standing behind, and a groom 
running ahead to clear the way. With few excep- 
tions the streets in Japan have no sidewalks, and it 
is necessary for drivers or 'ricksha-men to shout 
continually in order to avoid running over people. 

Civilians were requested to wear frock coats and 
high hats — and among the diplomats there was gold 
lace, buttons and plumes in sufficient quantity to 
captivate the heart of every woman present. Every 
full-dress uniform was represented, and the assem- 
bly sparkled and glittered like a jewel box. The 
Chinese minister and his suite added to the general 
color scheme, drest as they were in many-tinted 
brocades, and hats with scarlet fringe depending 
from the button on top. 

There was a religious ceremony early in the morn- 
ing in the Imperial Ancestral Sanctuary, at which 
the representatives of the Emperor and Empress 
and the Crown Prince and Princess were present. 

About nine o'clock the Crown Prince in a car- 
riage with one court gentleman came upon the field. 
As the carriage entered the gate he was greeted 
with shouts, a circumstance that struck with sur- 
prise every person at all familiar with Japanese 
customs. Such reverent respect for the ruler and 
his household is instilled into the Japanese people, 
rooted, indeed, by ages of inheritance, that any- 
thing as personal as a cheer was never attempted. 

In the days of the Shogunate, when any of the 

120 



THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

royal household went abroad, a retainer ran ahead 
of the palanquin and shouted to the people to go 
into their houses and close the shutters. Those who 
could not do so were obliged to fall upon their faces 
and not so much as peep for fear of instant exe- 
cution. 

Just before the Emperor arrived I saw a little 
encounter, showing the real and unofficial side of 
two of Japan's greatest men, Count Katsura, the 
Premier, and Marshal Count Yamagata, called the 
Bismarck of Japan, or sometimes the Grand Old 
Man. 

These two men met very near me, and after a for- 
mal salute greeted each other cordially, and then 
apparently fell to exchanging stories. The Grand 
Old Man seemed to forget his manifold affairs, and 
quite doubled up with laughter. He and the Pre- 
mier exchanged pleasantries and seemed to be try- 
ing to turn the laugh on each other, like two happy 
boys, to the great amusement of a group of officers 
who stood near them. I was just wishing they 
would let me in on the ground floor when suddenly 
the signal was given that the royal equipages were 
approaching, and instantly the laughter died out 
of Yamagata 's kind old face, he quickly mounted, 
followed by the Premier, and rode off, a stiff mili- 
tary figure, his white hair and mustache distin- 
guishing him from the others, as his mighty brain 
and ability have set him apart from his fellows. 

121 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Tho emancipated enough to break through the 
custom of ages and cheer the Prince, the Emperor 
was received in dead silence, the head of every Jap- 
anese bowed reverently and eyes lowered to the 
ground. 

The Emperor 's coach was handsome, but not par- 
ticularly ornate, and drawn by but one pair of 
horses. In time of war, and his people in sorrow 
for their loved ones, this lack of display showed a 
becoming modesty. 

All the pictures of the Emperor are excellent por- 
traits, for his face itself might be a painted mask, 
so still and cold it is, and utterly expressionless. 
It is like the face of a Buddha — as calm and 
changeless. 

It could never be said of His Imperial Majesty 
that his face was his fortune, but it did remind me 
of a little dialog I overheard at the theater con- 
cerning a well-known "leading man," as follows: 

1 6 Did you notice how wonderfully his face lights 
up?" 

"Oh, that's because he's lantern- jawed!" 

His Majesty was drest in European clothes — a 
riding costume, white doeskin breeches and black 
cutaway coat — boots and a sort of military hat. It 
did not need a field-glass to see how badly they 
fitted him. This is owing to the fact that his clothes 
are all made by guesswork, the royal person being 
too sacred for a tailor to touch. I have the same 

122 



THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

feeling about being "touched" by a tailor, not on 
account of royalty — but because I have to give up. 
It reminded me of an Irish story I used to tell. 

"Mike, it's a wonder to me you don't wear bet- 
ter clothes." 

"Well, I'll tell ye — there's not a tailor in all 
Dublin can measure me, I'm that ticklish!" 

As for the rest of us our court costume consisted 
principally of a plug hat. Everybody must wear 
that unless he is an official and possesses a uni- 
form; and the array of "old-timers" in the way of 
head-gear was something truly wonderful. Heaven 
only knows what dust-bins or moth-closets the ma- 
jority of these came from ! As I was not traveling 
with a collection of opera-hats among my baggage, 
I got the best I could, but it was a good thing I had 
large ears or I 'd have lost my head. I was sorry I 
didn't bring a can-opener in my vest-pocket, so 
that I could pry the hat off when it came time to 
salute the Mikado. 

When he alighted from his carriage he entered 
the royal tent, where he received the congratulations 
of the foreign ministers and some high Japanese 
officials, after which he mounted a black horse, and 
from his saddle reviewed the troops. It was not a 
very fine animal, but the Emperor, like the major- 
ity of his subjects, is no horseman, and being timid, 
will ride none but one of venerable age and war- 
ranted absolutely gentle. He certainly had what 

123 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD J 

he wanted on this occasion, for his horse reminded 
me of the time I got on a Fifth Avenue stage one 
day and found I had nothing less than a two-dol- 
lar bill in my pocket. I gave it to the driver, and 
he asked me which horse I wanted. 

The troops were all new recruits and when that 
is taken into consideration, they marched remark- 
ably well. The "goose-step," used now only in a 
few countries for review, was in order, and the long 
lines of men, all stepping out proudly, was an im- 
pressive sight, tho to irreverent American eyes 
rather suggestive of the march of the Toys in ' ' The 
Babes in Toyland." 

The men were not in full dress, but wore service 
uniform, as is usual in ordinary times. 

The Emperor finished his fifty-second year on the 
third of November, 1905, having had a reign of 
thirty-seven years. There is probably no monarch 
in the world beloved by his people with such a pas- 
sion of reverent adoration. He is, to them, a mirac- 
ulous personality, heaven-born, and worthy of all 
worship. Their lives belong to him, and it is es- 
teemed an honor by the Japanese people to die for 
their Emperor; their country is a secondary con- 
sideration. 

It is still believed in the country districts of Nip- 
pon, where old customs and beliefs thrive, that to 
look upon the face of the Emperor is to be smitten 
blind, so dazzling is the radiance that shines from it. 

124 



THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

The same idea is embodied in a lesser degree in 
the custom of never looking at the Emperor. His 
court gentlemen never raise their eyes to his face; 
even the high dignitary who sat opposite the Em- 
peror in the carriage had his head bowed and his 
eyes cast down. 

When the review was ended, the crowds of people 
broke across the field to the carriage of the Crown 
Prince, shouting "Banzai!" ("live ten thousand 
years!") and it was utterly impossible for the 
guards to restrain them. Such a demonstration was 
entirely without precedent, and was probably due 
to the war excitement, which, tho not apparent, was 
nevertheless seething at white heat beneath the. 
crust of self-restraint that has been taught the peo- 
ple of Japan for generations. 

After the review the usual birthday banquet in 
the Imperial Palace was given. The ministers of 
State, the high military, naval, and civil officials 
were invited, together with the foreign represent- 
atives. His Majesty personally attended the ban- 
quet, which was an unusual circumstance, as he 
seldom appears in public. He made a short speech, 
which was translated by Baron Sannomiya, Chief 
of the Board of Ceremonies. It was confidently 
expected that the news of the fall of Port Arthur 
would be announced on the Emperor's birthday. 

When we returned from the parade-ground the 
"gogai," or men who sell the news extras, were 

125 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

running about the streets with bunches of bells at- 
tached to their girdles. I bought an extra and had 
it translated. Contrary to expectation, it an- 
nounced only that Port Arthur was in a critical 
condition and liable to be taken at any moment. 

While I was having it translated people in the 
streets crowded about, eager to hear the news, but 
too poor to pay three sen for an extra. My 'rick- 
sha-man dramatically announced the news to them, 
to their great delight. 

The Japanese papers all had editorials extend- 
ing their congratulations to the Emperor. A short 
quotation here will serve to give an idea of the cer- 
emonial language of Japan and the attitude of mind 
toward the Emperor. The "Yomiuri" said: 

"His Imperial Majesty, Japan's most illustrious 
and well-beloved Emperor, the great ruler of Asia's 
great nation, this third day of November enters 
upon his fifty-third year of glorious existence. And 
we, in common with our patriotic countrymen the 
world over, would celebrate this Imperial Birthday 
with that passion of loyalty peculiarly characteris- 
tic of this nation. We are to-day engaged in an 
intensely bitter struggle with Russia. Yet in spite 
of the disparity in the numerical strength of the 
two nations, our arms, whether on sea or land have, 
from the inception of hostilities been crowned with 
victory, so that the fame of our national prowess 
has reechoed to the farthest quarter of the globe, 

126 



THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY 

as has the thunder of our cannon reverberated in 
the chilly skies of Manchuria. ' ' 

Which quotation seems to show that, notwith- 
standing the humble and lowly attitude of the Jap- 
anese people toward their Emperor, they evidently 
think very well of themselves. 

At Tokyo we met Mr. Lloyd Griscom, the most 
popular ambassador our country has ever had in 
the Far East. Mr. Griscom is a Philadelphian, his 
father being one of the millionaires of that exclu- 
sive city. His wife, a charming and gracious lady, 
and most undeniably to the manner born, was a 
noted belle in New York. 

We were compelled to note everywhere that the 
American embassies and consulates were the poorest 
and shabbiest; even little Switzerland and Hol- 
land beating us in that respect. This was very hu- 
miliating, especially as Uncle Sam can easily afford 
to house his representatives in better style. But he 
pays such stingy salaries, our ministers and ambas- 
sadors have to be millionaires to keep up at all. 

Every American who goes abroad feels the same, 
and that the beautiful stars and stripes deserve the 
handsomest building of all to float over. 



127 



VII 
VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER, TOKYO 

Theater of Old Japan Now Merely Legendary — We Set Out 
for the Theater — Tokyo a City of Magnificent Distances 
— Whirled in a 'Bicksha — Street Signs — Open Shops — 
Shrill Horn of the Candy Seller — Paper Lanterns for 
Practical Use — Soft Minor Note of the Blind Masseur — 
Perfect Stage Setting — Takata, Great Woman Imper- 
sonator — Danjiro, Most Famous Female Impersonator — 
Actors' Private Curtains — Wonderful Audience — Every- 
body Smoking — Paddy and the Trombone — Children 
Everywhere — Sata, the Great Actor — No Lack of Fine 
Acting — Must be "Letter Perfect" in Three Pays — 
Orchestra and Electric Lights — Fortunate in Seeing 
First Performance of Modern Plays. 

THE theater has always been a favorite form 
of recreation among the Japanese, and espe- 
cially beloved of the Japanese woman, for 
it is her only amusement, and the only public place 
where she may accompany her husband. 

The theater of old Japan, with its strutting leg- 
endary heroes, its ancient costumes, and actors who 
carried their own lanterns in order to light the ex- 
pressions of their faces, is practically a thing of the 
past. "While many of the old customs still survive, 
modern inventions and appliances have been 

128 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

grafted upon them with the effect of producing 
some startling contrasts. The Japs, eager to grasp 
European ideas and fashions, have made use of 
some, but left many as they have been for gener- 
ations. 

For instance, in the most progressive and up-to- 
date theater in Tokyo they have electric lights (no 
footlights, however), and a European orchestra, 
but still make the exits and entrances along a raised 
platform running back through the theater above 
the heads of the people. This platform is called 
"The Flowery Way," and has been used for gen- 
erations. A custom which may be as ancient as the 
Flowery Way, but is surely a good one for drum- 
ming up trade, is ah amusing thing they do in some 
of the theaters that are built to run through to 
another street. This is slightly to lift the curtain 
at the back of the stage, which causes a crowd to 
gather, who peep under, stealing a chance to enjoy 
the play. Just as the interest has become breath- 
less, the curtain will suddenly descend and the dis- 
appointed crowd, eager to know what has happened 
to the villain, rush around to the front and buy 
tickets— a sort of "continued in our next" idea, 
that helps business and lets a little light in as to the 
reason why the Japanese are called "the Yankees 
of the East." 

Let us make a visit to this hybrid theater where 
the ideas of old and new Japan flourish together. 

129 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

The play begins at ten o'clock in the morning, and 
lasts until four in the afternoon. Then another set 
of actors take the boards and play until eleven in 
the evening. 

We may go at any hour ; so suppose we start at 
five. Our 'rickshas, drawn by strapping Japs 
wearing white suits with short trousers, showing 
the wonderful development of thigh and calf mus- 
cles, are whirled through back streets for at least 
three miles. Tokyo is a city of magnificent dis- 
tances. 

On our way we are sure to see every characteris- 
tic of street life. The Japanese, in their eagerness 
to adopt European ways and customs, have swal- 
lowed such a large meal they are not able to di- 
gest it, and no better illustration of this can be 
found than their pretentious and truly wonderful 
street signs. As a specimen of English as she is 
Japped, the following, culled from a choice, and 
I might say startling, collection, is respectfully sub- 
mitted. The spelling and punctuation are especially 
worth noting: 

On a baker's cart: "By Cake & A Piece of. 
Bread." 

Over a ladies' tailor shop: "Draper, Millener & 
Ladies Outf atter. The ribbons, the laces, the veils, 
the feelings" (frillings?). 

Over a furniture shop: "Chair. Cochon. (couch?) 
& Matties" (Mantels?). 

130 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

On a dairy window: "Pest Milk." (Rather alarm- 
ing, but probably means best.) 

On a druggist's: "Best Perfuming Water Anti- 
Flea.' ' 

At a liquor dealer's. Labels on bottles: "Fogren 
County (Foreign country) Wines. Little Seal. St. 
Julien bottled by Bordeaux." 

Over a laundry: "We most cleanly and carefully 
wash our customers with cheap prices as under. 
Ladies eight shillings per hundred. Gentlemen 
seven shillings." 

A dentist's sign: "Noties. Our tooth is a very 
important organ for human life and countenance as 
you know ; therefore when it is attack by disease or 
injury, artificial tooth is also very useful. ' ' 

Japanese substitute for coffee: "Japan insted of 
Coffee. More men is got dropsy of the legs who us 
(use?) this coffee, which is contain nourish." 

Photographer's studio: "Photographer Exe- 
cuted." 

Over a barber's shop: "Head Cutter." 

Over a tailor's: "The European Monkey Jacket 
made for the Japanese. ■ ' 

I reserve the gems of the collection for the last: 
"Fulish. Ruttr. Craim. Milk." (Fresh Butter, 
Cream, Milk.) 

Over an egg shop: "Extract of Fowl." 

Every one lives on the street, the fronts of the 
houses are open, and all sorts of little domestic 

131 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

dramas are enacted within full view of the passer- 
by, with the most naive unconsciousness. It is get- 
ting toward dusk, and many of the shops are clo- 
sing. Those where second-hand kimonos are for 
sale are preparing for the night, for men are taking 
down the many-colored kimonos from the bamboo 
poles where they have swung in front of the shop 
all day. 

A horn, shrill but sweet, is heard playing a sort 
of short scale of a few notes, and this means that a 
vender of candy is coming along. Presently we 
see him ; a boy, pulling his gay little cart containing 
all sorts of confections in glass boxes. The Japa- 
nese are very fond of sweets, and these candy men 
may be seen in all parts of the city. A whistle, as 
of escaping steam, proclaims the vender of hot rice. 
He is much patronized by the 'ricksha-men, who 
are nomads from morning until night. 

Our 'rickshas stop, and our men light their paper 
lanterns. It seems absurd to have a paper lantern 
for practical use, but the little candles of greenish- 
gray wax burn steadily and give a clear light. We 
meet many people carrying paper lanterns, so we 
see that what has always been to us a mere thing 
for decoration only is in this toy-box of a country 
an article for practical use. The lights in the 
houses and shops disclose interesting family 
groups. 

An indescribably soft and sweet pipe is heard 

132 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

blowing three minor notes. This is the call of the 
blind masseur, either a man or a woman, not in- 
frequently a boy or a girl. The Japanese are great 
believers in massage, and employ these blind mas- 
seurs constantly. There are many blind people in 
Japan, and it is rather depressing at first to a for- 
eigner to see such numbers of them groping their 
way about, almost invariably alone. But one comes 
to realize after a while that they seem happy and 
cheerful, and a wholesome respect for their useful 
busy lives takes the place of sympathy. 

After seeing these characteristic sights repeated 
again and again on our way through the streets, 
we reach the theater, quite an imposing building 
of stone, and alighting from our 'rickshas enter the 
lobby. Quite likely the attendant will insist that 
we remove our shoes, but if we have a guide he can 
gain a concession for us. 

When we enter, the play is in progress, and we 
realize at once that Europe or America can teach 
the Japanese very little about stage setting. It is 
a night scene, a crescent moon in the sky, and black 
hills in the distance, against which the lights of 
houses show brightly. A bridge in the center leads 
back over a river, and trees and shrubs that are not 
painted, but real and growing, are disposed natu- 
rally about the stage. 

A man and a woman are on the stage, she crying, 
and he is trying to comfort her. Our guide explains 

133 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

to us that she was about to commit suicide because 
of the financial ruin of her husband. 

The part of the woman is played by Takata, one 
of the greatest impersonators of women in Japan. 
There are no actresses, all the parts being assumed 
by men. This particular actor is so conscientious 
that, in order to retain the atmosphere of his im- 
personations, while at home he dresses, talks, acts, 
and generally comports himself as a woman would. 

Danjiro, another of the most famous imperson- 
ators of women in Japan, is reported to have made 
up so perfectly as a girl of seventeen, when he was 
sixty-five years old, that when he went to his own 
house and asked to see Danjiro, his wife did not 
know him, and in a fit of jealous anger berated 
him for a shameless girl coming there to see her 
husband. 

Meantime, the play goes forward. The old man, 
who is a relative of the girl he has saved, gives her 
notes of the bank of Japan for three thousand yen. 
Her tearful gratitude and his modest depreciation 
of his generosity are as fine bits of acting as may be 
seen on any stage in the world. 

Her husband approaches and the old man runs 
off across the "Flowery Way," begging her not to 
let his charity be known. 

The husband is suspicious and asks her why she 
was talking with that man. Her promise given, 
she can not answer, and after a fiery scene he spurns 

134 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

her and the curtain is drawn to the solemn banging 
of a drum and the high-pitched mournful song of 
some one in the distance. 

Each principal actor has his own curtain with 
his name on it, usually the gift of a number of ad- 
miring friends or of some firm that wishes to gain 
the advertisement. This one belongs to an actor 
named Sata, and has been presented to him by a 
large tea company. Its name is printed on one 
side, and "Compliments to Sata" on the other in 
Japanese characters of course. 

Danjiro owns the finest curtain in Japan, pre- 
sented to him by the Geisha of Tokyo, who each 
gave a hundred yen. It is of silk, embroidered as 
only the Japanese know how, and to see it is well 
worth the price of admission. 

When the lights go up we can see the audience, 
many of the women reduced to tears by the sad 
plight of the unhappy young wife. The theater 
is the only place where custom permits any public 
exhibition of emotion. As women are generally 
supposed to enjoy nothing so much as a good cry, 
this privilege must be a great comfort to the Jap- 
anese female sex. 

The entire lower floor of the theater is divided 
into little boxes about four feet square, by parti- 
tions not more than four or five inches high. About 
five yen are paid for these boxes, and they hold four 
people, who kneel on matting rugs. 

135 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

The best seats are the boxes along the sides of the 
balcony, which also hold four people, and cost six 
yen. As a yen is worth fifty cents of American 
money, it may be seen that the prices of Japanese 
theaters, by comparison with those of Europe or 
America, are very reasonable. 

Cheaper seats are to be had back of a walkway 
on the lower floor, and the cheapest of all are in 
the back part of the balcony, which compares with 
the gallery in an American theater. 

In each box is a little stove rented from the 
theater. They are about six inches square and ten 
or twelve inches high, with a little fire of charcoal 
smoldering in them. These are to warm the hands 
by, and also for lighting pipes. Both men and 
women are smoking the Japanese pipe, which has a 
ridiculous little bowl, about as large as a fair-sized 
marrowfat pea, that is good for about three puffs 
and then has to be refilled and lighted again. Mild 
tobacco is used that smells and looks like burning 
red hair. 

At this juncture our ears are assailed by the most 
heartrending sounds that chill the blood in our 
veins. It is the European orchestra ! The smiling 
guide tells us, "European orchestra very nice- 
Japanese people like very much ! ' ' 

It is to be hoped that their ear for European 
music will develop with their appreciation, for at 
present, with the exception of the Imperial Band, 

136 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

and that belonging to one of the hotels in Yoko- 
hama, the orchestras and bands in Japan are things 
to dream about after dining on Welsh rarebit and 
mince pie. And even the two exceptions have many 
things to learn, one in particular being that rag- time 
coon-songs should not be played like funeral dirges. 
The native orchestras of samisen, drum and whis- 
tle are a positive relief in comparison. I watched 
the fellow who played the trombone, and he toiled 
so industriously at it, I was reminded of the Irish- 
man who was watching a German play a trombone. 
Presently Dutchy laid down his instrument and 
went out for a beer. Paddy investigated and 
promptly pulled the horn to pieces. Dutchy re- 
turned. 

" Who's meddled mit my drombone?" he roared. 

1 ' Oi did, ' ' said Paddy. i ' Here ye 've been for two 
hours tryin' to pull it apart an' Oi did it in wan 
minut ! ' ' 

In the audience men are hurrying about with 
large trays containing bowls of rice, fruit and tea. 
The people are eating and drinking. The children, 
who have unlimited privileges in Japan, are run- 
ning about unrebuked, even tho some of them 
climb on the stage and peep under the curtain. 

There are many women in the audience with 
babies strapped on their backs, some of them mere 
tiny bundles of flowered stuff enwrapping babies 
of not more than two or three months, and tho 

137 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOKLD 

there are numbers of these, not one is heard to cry. 
One wonders, are they hypnotized or drugged? 

Young children are drest very gaily ; the 
younger they are the brighter the colors, so that 
the babies are veritable butterflies. As they grow 
older the clothes become darker, until in old age 
they are transformed into little gray moths. 

A sharp noise, made by striking two pieces of 
hard wood together, announces that the next act is 
about to begin. The intervals between acts are usu- 
ally about ten minutes. 

As the curtain is drawn aside, the pieces of wood 
tap together faster and faster, until the stage is 
disclosed. 

This time it is a house, the front open, chrys- 
anthemums growing about the door. At intervals 
the shrill note of an insect is heard. 

Sata, the great actor, is seated on the floor; he 
is in a state of intoxication, and keeps drinking 
from a bottle in front of him. 

His father-in-law is pleading with him to grant 
a divorce to his daughter, as his constant intoxica- 
tion and ill treatment of her are hard to bear. The 
drunkard refuses, and the scene between the men 
is a powerful one, a knowledge of the language be- 
ing unnecessary in order to appreciate their really 
great acting. 

The revolving stage, used in all Japanese thea- 
ters, is seen in this act, as the entire stage turns, 

138 



VISIT TO A JAPANESE THEATER 

bringing into view a different scene, the old man's 
house. 

The play proceeds through several acts, to a 
European or American in rather a disjointed man- 
ner and without much sequence, but with no lack 
of fine acting. 

Just before the last act the ushers bring in the 
sandals and clogs that have been checked, so there 
will be no confusion and delay when the theater is 
out. 

But three days are allowed for rehearsal, and 
in that time they must be letter perfect, for a Jap- 
anese audience is a critical one. 

Approbation is announced by clapping the hands, 
but audible comments are frequent. 

When we go out our 'ricksha-men, wrapt in 
their rugs, hurry from the gallery where they have 
been enjoying the play. The orchestra and the 
electric lights are not the only innovations in this 
theater. The idea of a play of modern Japanese 
life is entirely new, and we were fortunate in see- 
ing the first performance of one of the few modern 
plays ever enacted in Japan. 



139 



VIII 

A GLANCE AT THE JAPANESE FIRE AND 
POLICE DEPARTMENTS 

The Watchman and His Clanking Sword — Primitive Fire- 
House Methods — Only Three Steam-Engines in Yoko- 
hama — Hitched Up After Alarm is Sent in — Fires Get 
Tremendous Headway — Easy Jump from Low Build- 
ings — Whole Outfit Seems Like a Toy — I Get a Permit 
and Visit a Police Station — School for Ju-jutsu — Fine 
Exhibition of Wrestling— Troupe of Traveling Ama- 
zon Wrestlers — Broadway Squad Might Benefit — Minis- 
ter of Justice Gives Me a Permit to Visit Sugamo 
Prison, Tokyo — "I am an American, and Glad of It" 
— Nat Goodwin 's Dog — Watch Five Corridors at Once — 
Chaplain Exhorts — Well Fed, Well Taken Care of, and 
Certainly Contented- — Imprisonment in Japan not the 
Worst Thing Could Befall a Man. 

ONE evening while going through a street in 
Japanese Town, Yokohama, I heard a clank- 
ing sound at regular intervals, and found 
it was made by a man who as he walked along was 
striking a sword on the ground. At the concus- 
sion two plates of bronze or brass were driven to- 
gether, making a metallic clang. I was told that 
he was a watchman, paid by contributions of a few 
sen a month from the households along the way. 

140 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

As he clangs his sword, it is a comfortable assurance 
to these people that all is well. 

This watchman is for fire purposes chiefly, as the 
houses of the Japanese town are almost all of wood, 
and a fire once started means wide-spread destruc- 
tion before it can be got under control. 

The few exceptions to wooden houses are the go- 
downs, or stone houses, with very thick walls of 
clay, roofed with heavy tiles. All houses, except 
those in the country that are thatched with straw, 
are roofed with these tiles, fluted and scalloped, 
giving the habitations a very picturesque appear- 
ance. 

At the different fire-stations men in high towers 
watch for fires, and at the first indication ring the 
large bell that hangs in the tower. 

There are about three steam fire-engines in Yoko- 
hama, which boasts one of the best fire depart- 
ments in Japan. These engines are drawn by 
horses, which have to be hitched up after the alarm 
is sent in. 

The firemen do not come into line at the fire- 
house, being always in readiness, as in the States, 
but are employed at other work, principally as 
street-cleaners. While the horses are being har- 
nessed, the engine fired, and the firemen gathered 
from different portions of the district, a con- 
flagration has ample time to get under tremendous 
headway. It is not surprising that when a fire once 

141 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

starts it becomes almost without exception a de- 
structive one. Owing to the prevalence of fires in 
Tokyo, where there are many every day, the entire 
city having been destroyed time and again, the 
familiar name for fires has come to be * * the Flower 
ofYeddo." 

The light wooden houses built of pine, with parti- 
tions of paper screens, are perfect tinder-boxes^ 
and it speaks well for the fire department, inade- 
quate as it seems, that the entire city of Yokohama 
is not swept again and again by devouring confla- 
grations. 

The fire department is not a city organization, 
but is conducted by the fire-insurance companies, 
which support it jointly for their mutual protec- 
tion. 

The police lend their aid to the fire department, 
and have at every police station a hand-cart loaded 
with hooks and extension ladders and a canvas net 
with twenty loops of rope around the edge, to be 
held by ten men. To jump from a high building 
on to this piece of canvas would hurt a person as 
badly as striking the ground, but the Japanese 
buildings are never more than a story and a half or 
two stories in height, and the ceilings are so low 
that a two-story building is no higher than one 
story, measured by Western standards. 

On this little cart are also carried two folding 
screens of asbestos, about five feet high, with which 

142 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

the men protect themselves when facing the fire. To 
any one familiar with the New York fire depart- 
ment the whole outfit seems like a toy. 

At the first alarm of fire, which is communicated 
to them by telephone, the police run to the house 
in which the little cart is kept and pull it out, 
meanwhile ringing a bell to summon the firemen, 
who may be working in the neighborhood. 

The Japanese cry of ' ' Hello ! " at the telephone is 
"Moshi-moshi!" An excited citizen communica- 
ting the news of a fire is one of the funniest things 
imaginable. 

The police department will bear much better 
comparison with those of other countries than the 
fire department. In fact, from what I saw of it, 
it imprest me as a very well-conducted service, with 
many points that could be imitated by the depart- 
ments of other countries to considerable advantage. 

When, with a permit of inspection, I visited one 
of the seven police stations in Yokohama, the su- 
perintendent, who had been advised of my coming, 
met me with profound bows, but not a word of 
English. I was beginning to feel rather discour- 
aged when an interpreter was produced, and we 
started off to inspect the station-house. 

I was told that about one hundred and twenty- 
five police belong to each station-house. Their 
names are written on little blocks of wood, in red 
on one side and black on the other. The men are 

143 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WORLD 

on duty in the station-house for two hours, and 
outside two hours, and the little blocks are turned 
as they come in or go out, the red or black showing 
the superintendent at a glance just where the men 
are. 

The prisoners may be detained here only ten 
days, and the maximum fine is one yen ten sen, or 
fifty-five cents American money. 

We were shown the cells, which were about ten 
feet square, fairly light, very airy, and immacu- 
lately clean. There were but five prisoners at the 
station-house, all detained for petty offenses — 'rick- 
sha-men overcharging, and similar arraignments. 
Their names were on little wooden tags hung out- 
side the door. These were turned inside, however, 
and upon no consideration were to be looked at ex- 
cept by the proper authority. The side that is clear 
has only the date of incarceration and length of 
sentence printed on it. 

This delicacy in screening the identity of the 
prisoner was certainly a kindly thought, unusual in 
such relations. 

The guard opened a couple of occupied cells, 
showing the prisoners, comprizing one man alone 
in one cell, while three together were in the other. 
They looked very comfortable, kneeling on straw 
mats, which are also their beds. 

While on our tour of inspection the most fright- 
ful cries came at intervals from one part of the 

144 




The Emperor's Carriage 
A Messenger Boy 



A Smiling Reception 
The Emperor of Japan 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

main building. As they continued I began to be 
assailed by a nervous apprehension that I might 
be called upon to witness some horrible torture, for 
I felt sure that nothing short of that could call 
forth such unearthly yells. 

When I was conducted into a large room, where 
about twenty men in very abbreviated white linen 
suits were squatting about, the shouts were ex- 
plained. Here was the school for the famous 
ju-jutsu, which is acknowledged to be the most 
effective and deadly form of wrestling. 

We were given seats on the edge of a platform, 
and two muscular Japs sprang on to the mats in 
the middle of the room. First they bowed, by 
squatting down, leaning their left hands on the floor 
and bowing their heads. Then standing erect, first 
one and then the othej* gave vent to one of the 
blood-curdling cries I had heard. This is the chal- 
lenge, intended to intimidate the antagonist. Sud- 
denly they clutched each other and straining and 
struggling, each strove to dislodge the other's feet 
from the floor. 

All at once one of the men made a quick move, 
which it would be impossible for me to explain, 
and his antagonist was hurled backward over his 
shoulder, landing on the mats with a terrific 
thud. 

This performance was gone through with a num- 
ber of times, with infinite variety in tactics and 

145 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

methods of bringing about the fall, the most mar- 
velous skill and training being displayed. 

In addition to the male wrestlers of Japan, there 
is one band — and one only — of women wrestlers — 
Amazons of enormous strength, who travel about 
giving exhibitions. Their physical beauty and devel- 
opment are wonderful, and they create the greatest 
enthusiasm and admiration wherever they appear. 

In the practise of ju-jutsu it needs quite as much 
skill to fall without being hurt as it does to bring 
about the fall. The ju-jutsu is an exact science, 
every move having meaning, the ultimate object 
being to disable the opponent. 

Every man on the Japanese police force is re- 
quired to become proficient in the ju-jutsu. Every 
day there is practise, with the best teachers, from 
eight A. m. until noon. About twenty at a time 
take part in this practise, wrestling with the mas- 
ters or each other, so that each man's turn in the 
school comes about once a week. 

Fencing is also a part of their education, not 
for practical use, but merely to make them quick 
and supple. They practise with long bamboo 
swords, wearing wadded hoods and gloves. 

There did not seem to be any exact skill about it, 
the men simply rushing at each other, striking and 
slashing, holding the sword in both hands, the prin- 
cipal object seeming to be which one could yell the 
loudest. 

146 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

After the regular modern ju-jutsu, two young 
men gave an exhibition for my edification of the an- 
cient form of the art. It was not so easy nor so fin- 
ished as the modern method and was performed 
with such ardor that arms and elbows were cut 
rather badly on the sharp edges of the mats. The 
principal feature of their entertainment was the 
fiendish shouts with which they began each clutch. 
This was intended as a means of intimidation, and 
the custom still survives in the modern method, to 
the extent of one short but sufficiently frightful 
scream. These sounds, however, are as nothing 
compared with the unearthly screeches of the old 
school. They are like nothing human; the only 
thing I can recollect that approached them in fierce- 
ness and volume were the pleasantries exchanged 
by two mountain-lions that I heard once upon a 
time in the Adirondacks. 

With all this splendid training in quickness, 
adroitness, and the wonderful muscular power it 
develops, a criminal has no chance at all with a 
Japanese policeman. One of my party remarked 
that he should like to see the Broadway squad try 
to do the things we were looking at. I am very 
much afraid a member of that august body would 
be like a man of straw in the hands of one of Ja- 
pan's quick cat-like little policemen. 

Becoming much interested in the police depart- 
ment, I was fortunate in securing a permit from 

147 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WOKLD 

the Minister of Justice to visit the Sugamo prison 
at Tokyo. 

The Governor was very gracious, but his lan- 
guages being restricted to Japanese and German, 
we were at a standstill until an interpreter was 
brought in. 

I was put through a rigid examination and asked 
to write down the answers to all questions. My 
name, nationality, age, business, my reason for vis- 
iting Japan, and the length of my stay, all had to 
be given. In reply to the question, "What is your 
nationality V ' I wrote, "An American, and glad of 
it." This did me a lot of good, tho no one could 
read it but the interpreter, who smiled sympa- 
thetically. 

I wanted to tell him Nat Goodwin's story about 
the Irishman's intelligent dog; but didn't dare 
just then: "That dog o' mine is that intelligent, 
he understands every word I say to him! I'm 
studyin' German now, just to throw him off!" 

There were many features about the prison that 
to an American were unusual. The corridors of 
cells were arranged like the spokes of a wheel, one 
warden sitting on a platform that was the hub. 
Labor is saved in this way, for one man can watch 
five corridors of twenty-eight cells each, making in 
all 140. There are two of these wheels built in the 
inner court of the prison, so that 280 cells are 
watched by two men, who sit on revolving stools, 

148 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

and by turning can take in at a glance the five cor- 
ridors entrusted to their vigilance. 

A head warden sits between the two wheels and 
maintains a general supervision, so that practi- 
cally the entire number of prisoners are watched by 
only three men. There is another enclosure where 
there are cells for punishment. The most severe 
form is the dark cell, where prisoners are punished 
for insubordination. They can not be confined in 
this cell for more than eleven days at a time. The 
cell for the next less severe punishment has a little 
light; so in gradation there are several cells for 
varying degrees of punishment. 

The prisoners all work in different shops at bas- 
ket-weaving, making mats, iron utensils, and all 
sorts of things for which there is a ready market. 
They work from 6.30 a. m. until eleven, when they 
have their midday meal. This is principally rice, 
and quickly eaten. Until twelve they rest, sitting 
comfortably on straw mats. 

Advantage is taken of this time for one of the 
four resident chaplains to give the prisoners a talk. 
The day I visited the prison was at the time of this 
midday rest ; the men in two large work-rooms were 
sitting quietly, listening to the chaplain, a Bud- 
dhist priest. Standing before a small altar that 
looked like a reading-desk, he was placed in a pas- 
sageway between the two rooms, thus enabling the 
men in both rooms to hear him. He was talking 

149 



SMILING 'EOUND THE WORLD 

earnestly, probably pointing out the error of their 
ways, and exhorting them to lead better lives in 
the future. 

At three-thirty the work of the prisoners was 
finished ; so it may be seen they lead a life of com- 
parative ease. It struck me as rather an induce- 
ment to crime, for they live better than, and do 
not work nearly as hard as, the average Japanese 
laborer. 

Every man is credited with a certain amount of 
wages for the work he does, and the money is given 
to him when he is discharged, so he does not leave 
the prison penniless. 

Every method seemed most humane; the prison- 
ers were treated with kindness in every way. The 
same consideration in regard to concealing their 
identity is practised here as in the police stations. 
Outside of each man's cell is a wooden sign with 
his name, age, crime and the length of his sen- 
tence printed on it. But a little extra tag comes 
down and hides his name. 

The Japanese being kind and considerate as a 
nation, their treatment of prisoners is only in ac- 
cordance with their natural inclinations. They are 
the politest people on earth, and seem to be sincere 
in it ; very careful about wounding any one 's feel- 
ings, and adore children, who have everything their 
own way. These children seem to be born with the 
grace of God in their souls, for they are always 

150 



JAPANESE FIREMEN AND POLICE 

good, and it never seems necessary to spank them. 
The little mites are cheerful, smiling and happy, 
and would be altogether lovable if they only thought 
it necessary to wipe their little noses. 

So that, owing to this general national trait of 
kindliness, the prisoners that I saw looked well fed 
and well taken care of, and certainly very con- 
tented. 

After my inspection, which I found most inter- 
esting, I came away with the idea that to be sent 
to prison in Japan was not the worst thing by any 
means that could befall a man. 



151 



IX 

FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

Harbor at Mouth of Yang-tse-Kiang — Ancient Junk — Fish- 
Net Begging — The Bund — Oriental Paris— Chinese 
Jaunting-Car — Porker Takes a Eide — Eecruits Drill 
with Sand — Bronze Statues are Sikh Policemen — Three 
Cities in One — American Consul- General Goodnow — Mr. 
George Mooser and Beautiful Wife — "I'm an Ameri- 
can, but I speak English" — Same as when Queen Bess 
Beigned — Ancient Walled City — I am Seized by Hor- 
rible Chinese Beggar — Make Way for the Man with the 
Burden — Footbinding Practised by all Classes — Anti- 
Footbinding Society — Fuchau Boad and Sing-Song 
Girls — Tiffin on the * ' Monadnock ' ' — I Entertain the 
Jackies — Street Pageants — ' ' Pidgin-English. ' ' 

AFTER an encounter with one of those mon- 
soons that seem perpetually to lurk be- 
tween Nagasaki and Shanghai, the sight of 
the outside harbor, at the mouth of the Yang-tse- 
Kiang, looked most attractive. In the early morn- 
ing air everything stood out with clear distinctness. 
A great German warship rode proudly at anchor, 
in extreme contrast to a junk of ancient pattern, 
with stern reared high out of the water, eyes 
painted at the bow to enable the boat to find her 
way in the dark, and sails spread with ribs of bam- 
boo, looking not unlike the fins of some giant fish. 

152 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

Very soon tiny sampans, propelled by a stern 
oar, came crowding about the steamer, the women 
and children holding up to the passengers nets on 
long bamboo poles and begging for money to be 
thrown into them. The face of the water was 
dotted with craft of all sorts, principally the dis- 
tinctive junk. 

After an hour and a quarter on a launch speed- 
ing up the Whang-poo river, we were landed at 
the quay on the Bund. Here the life, glitter and 
sparkle reminded one insistently of Paris. Vic- 
torias with two Chinamen on the box, drest in 
long coats of divers colors and design, were pulled 
at a headlong pace by sturdy, tough little Chinese 
ponies, that ducked down their heads and forged 
into the crowds of 'rickshas in a way to make the 
newcomer hold his breath. 

Hundreds of these 'rickshas went twinkling by, 
pulled by strapping Chinese coolies. Less in num- 
ber, but numerous for all that, were the native bar- 
rows, with one large wheel, having racks built over 
it at either side, and pushed by a sweating, toiling 
man, who strained and tottered as he was striving 
to guide and balance the clumsy vehicle. Passen- 
gers or merchandise were carried on these, the for- 
mer with their feet curled under them on the rack, 
or resting in a loop of rope strung near the ground 
for the purpose. 
Great bales of cotton, towering into the air for 

153 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

six or seven feet, were pushed along on these crazy- 
conveyances, and one day I saw a big black pig 
riding along, his feet tied, but apparently content. 

Tho the 'ricksha-men have the easier time, the 
barrow-pushers are inclined to look down on them, 
saying contemptuously, "We push like men while 
you pull allee same horses. ' ' 

In drilling recruits for the Chinese army, each 
man is required to carry sand in his knapsack. 
For the first day he carries two ounces; on each 
succeeding day he increases this amount by two 
ounces, until at last he is carrying sixteen pounds. 
These men can run at a dog-trot for ten consecutive 
hours and arrive at the end of that time in a fit 
condition for fighting. 

One of the most interesting bits of local color to 
be seen are the splendid Sikh policemen, standing 
like magnificent bronze statues at every corner, 
their huge turbans of red, yellow, or pink making 
a bright splash of color against the moving back- 
ground. 

Shanghai is one of the most cosmopolitan cities 
in the world, and in point of actual diversity of 
nationality, language, and government is absolutely 
unique. When it was made a treaty port, conces- 
sions were granted to England, France, and Amer- 
ica, and the districts involved, altho component 
parts of the city, are as distinct as if separated by 
miles of territory. Each has its own municipal 

154 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

government, its own post-office, and is under the 
jurisdiction of its own mother country. 

The American post-office here is the only one in 
existence outside of the United States and her ter- 
ritories; a letter from here to the United States 
goes for two cents, the same as one from New York 
to Boston. The Consul-General is also the post- 
master, tho he receives no extra salary for this 
added responsibility. 

At the time of our visit we were indebted to Mr. 
John Goodnow, the American Consul-General, and 
his charming wife for much kind attention. Mr. 
Goodnow 's automobile, with the novel accompani- 
ment of a Chinese chauffeur, was at our service for 
many delightful tours of sightseeing. Both Mr. 
and Mrs. Goodnow 's profound knowledge of the 
country and sympathetic understanding of its peo- 
ple were a help and an illumination on these occa- 
sions. They are both lovers of Chinese art, and 
collectors in a way. Mrs. Goodnow 's collection of 
ancient embroideries is one to induce breaking the 
tenth commandment. Mr. Goodnow devotes his 
time to antique brasses. They told us of a remark 
made by a Chinaman on an occasion when Mr. 
Goodnow was entertaining a number of high Chi- 
nese officials. As a means of entertainment he was 
showing them his collection, the pride of which was 
a small brass Buddha studded with uncut turquoises 
and garnets. As they were leaving, one of the party 

155 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

was overheard by Dr. Barehet, the official inter- 
preter of the Consulate, to say in Chinese : 

1 'I heard this man Goodnow had some pretty 
good brasses — why, he hasn't got a piece that's 
more than a thousand years old ! ' ' 

In such a venerable country as China real antiq- 
uity doesn't begin to be acknowledged under about 
four thousand years. 

At the moment of landing I found an old friend 
in the person of Mr. George Mooser, formerly a 
newspaper man in New York, who met me on the 
Bund. He is now a prominent insurance man in 
Shanghai, very popular with the Chinese wealthy 
class. He and his lovely wife entertained us de- 
lightfully in their magnificent home on the Bub- 
bling Well Eoad. Mr. Mooser was instrumental in 
securing opportunities for me to give three suc- 
cessful entertainments while in Shanghai, and in 
other ways, besides his delightful hospitality and 
devotion to my interests, I am eternally his debtor. 

With all the distinct lines of separation, and the 
innumerable nationalities found in the several cit- 
ies, it is not surprising that a young gentleman of 
three, when asked what his nationality was, an- 
swered, "I'm an American, but I speak English." 
The several separate, but united, cities cluster 
around the walls of the ancient native city, whose 
gates are shut at sundown, and where customs pre- 
vail and life is carried on to-day just as it was in 

156 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

this same little walled city when good Queen Bess 
reigned in England. 

In the walled city — a place where no foreigner 
ought to go, only you can't help it, for it is one of 
the most marvelously interesting places you can 
ever get into — I was walking with a guide, when 
a horrible old beggar — a filthy, rheumy, palsied, 
leprous old beggar, who was lying flat in the nar- 
row street — caught me by the ankle and hung on 
with the evident determination to hold fast until 
he got some money. My sensations I will not at- 
tempt to describe, but I remember the shivers of 
disgust that shook me while I gasped to the guide 
to give him some money. He said no; because if 
you gave him so much as a copper, an army of 
mendicants, equally loathsome, would surround us, 
and we would be mobbed. And he calmly kicked 
the beggar, not gently, but most thoroughly, until 
he let go his hold. 

If you have never seen a Chinese beggar, then 
you can have no idea of the depth and breadth and 
height and thoroughness of his condition of filth, 
and his general loathsomeness. 

The narrow streets, paved with stones that are 
slippery and slimy with filth, become dim because 
of the forest of swaying signs suspended overhead. 
These streets meander in and out, around abrupt 
corners, up and down steps, and through courts, in 
an utterly bewildering manner. There are no side- 

157 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

walks, the streets running from one open shop- 
front to the opposite one and are choked and 
crowded with a jostling, pushing mass of humanity. 

Sedan-chairs, carried on the shoulders of coolies, 
are frequently seen, and when two meet in the nar- 
row way much screaming, shouting and profanity 
in the vernacular are necessary before they manage 
to squeeze past each other. 

Where the people, who the moment before filled 
the street, succeed in bestowing themselves is a 
mystery, but they seem to be able to scurry into 
the shops, flatten themselves against the walls and 
in a dozen different ways efface themselves, never 
resenting anything, but always smiling, cheerful 
and good-natured. 

A man with two great bundles of straw or bas- 
kets, boxes, or pails slung from a bamboo pole laid 
across his shoulders, comes swaying along, calling 
out for the people to make way for him, which is 
cheerfully done — for it is the unwritten law of the 
Chinese thoroughfare that every one, even if it be 
the viceroy, must give way to the man with the 
burden. 

The curio-shops, clothing-shops and shops of 
every description are alive with color. The silk 
shops are interesting, for here they sell silk by 
weight. Natives buy it this way, and probably get 
it at reasonable prices, for it is the universal wear. 
A foreigner could not get it in any way but by 

158 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

the yard, and at a price no cheaper than in Amer- 
ica or England. In America more beautiful silks 
of handsomer patterns and better dye may be 
bought cheaper than in this, the land of silk. 

Dealers in jade ornaments, that stone which is 
prized next to the pearl, are always doing a lively 
trade. Women, drest in their national costume 
of long jackets and wide trousers, their hair beau- 
tifully coiled and perfumed and stuck full of fancy 
pins, crowd about the fronts of these shops, ad- 
miring, chaffering and occasionally purchasing. 
In many cases these women go swaying along on 
the absurdly deformed little lumps of feet con- 
sidered so beautiful by the Chinese. 

Tho knowing that the custom of footbinding 
prevailed in China, I am willing to confess that I 
had thought it confined to the higher classes, and 
not by any means to be seen frequently on the 
streets. But people of every class seem to practise 
it. It is a not uncommon sight to see a beggar 
woman in fluttering rags tottering along on feet 
no larger than my two middle fingers, and I have 
seen women on the tow-path, laboring with men to 
pull the river boats, whose feet were of the proper 
size to be admired by Chinamen. 

The coolie class practise this barbarous custom 
quite as much as others, at least one girl child in 
every family having her feet bound so that she may 
have the requisite attraction for making a good 

159 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

marriage and becoming a lady. Consequently 
women with little feet like those of goats are seen 
more frequently than women with pedal extremi- 
ties of the normal size. 

These women have suffered agonies of torture 
since their fourth or fifth year, when their poor 
little feet were ruthlessly deformed, the toes turned 
under, and the instep so broken and forced up- 
ward that the ball of the foot and the heel were 
brought together and bound in this position 
through years of awful pain. 

Tho the process is nominally completed by the 
time they are sixteen or seventeen, they are obliged 
to wear the bandages all their lives, and are almost 
always suffering, for Nature is perpetually striving 
to free herself from the bandage. 

Women with feet so beautifully little that they 
can not walk unassisted may be seen supported on 
either side by a servant, hobbling painfully along, 
and I was told upon good authority that there are 
women who are always carried in the streets, be- 
cause they can not walk at all, and in their own 
homes are obliged to crawl about on their knees. 

A society of opposition to this custom has been 
formed by Europeans and Americans, with branches 
in various parts of the Flowery Kingdom. It is 
known as the Anti-footbinding Society, and is, 
they claim, doing much good in winning the people 
from this ancient and barbarous custom. Many 

160 




Asleep in His Cab 
River Life Prisoners Wearing the Cangue 

The Willow Pattern Tea- House 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

enlightened Chinese are members of it, and in many 
cases the viceroys of provinces have issued procla- 
mations that, while they do not forbid the practise, 
beg the people in the name of enlightenment 
to discontinue it. 

Court circles establish an excellent precedent, 
for the Empress has natural feet, and being a 
Manchu does not tolerate footbinding. It is a 
purely Chinese custom which, let us hope, with the 
excellent example in this one instance at least of 
the Empress, and the Court, will in time be abol- 
ished. Through a ludicrous freak of fate, the hon- 
orable president and treasurer of the very estima- 
ble Anti-footbinding Society are named respect- 
ively Mrs. Little and Mrs. Cornf oot. 

At the Margaret Williamson Hospital in Shang- 
hai amputations of children's feet are not uncom- 
mon — made necessary on account of gangrene as 
a result of footbinding. 

At this hospital two American women doctors are 
employed, at a salary of $600 a year, and during 
the year forty thousand Chinese women and chil- 
dren were treated. This is one of the greatest and 
most worthy charities in the East, for a Chinese 
woman would die before she would allow a male 
physician to attend her. The Chinese doctors are 
not of much use anyway, with their prescriptions 
composed of the bodies of dried beetles, flies, and 
lizards, the blood and teeth of tigers, the bodies of 

161 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

snakes, and sundry other niceties known only to the 
Chinese chemist. 

The streets in the Chinese city outside the walls 
are quite as crowded as those in the native city, 
tho wider. Here, especially in the Fuchau Road 
between the hours of five and eight P. M., crowds 
of sing-song girls may be seen, being carried from 
one tea-house or restaurant to the other, where they 
have engagements to sing. 

They are sometimes seen in carriages or sedan- 
chairs, occasionally in 'rickshas, but generally sit- 
ting on the shoulder of a stalwart Chinaman, a 
towel flung over his head to protect the lady's 
gaudy satin coat from contact with his hair. 

These girls, in order that they should be attrac- 
tive, must have little feet, the tinier the better, so 
that it is next to impossible for most of them to 
walk at all. An amah, or maid, runs after each 
one, to arrange anything that may have become 
disordered in the journey, to see that their pearl 
head-dress is straight, or to add a little more rouge 
or powder to their already thickly painted faces, 
but principally to watch how much money the girls 
receive as presents from the rich Chinamen, who 
give them extravagant sums if they are pleased 
with their fair entertainers. 

These girls are under the control of a woman who 
gets them in various ways, by purchase from par- 
ents, or not infrequently by kidnaping. She has 

162 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

them taught the accomplishments of singing or 
playing on some musical instrument, dresses them 
in the most beautiful silks and satins, and head- 
dresses of pearls, and then rents out their services 
for entertainments. 

The girls get a certain fixt sum, all the pres- 
ents they receive going to their employer. The 
amah keeps watch in the interest of this woman 
to see that the girls faithfully turn in all that they 
receive. I am told that some specially popular girls 
receive as high as a thousand dollars a month in 
presents. 

It must be understood that these girls are in no 
way demi-nwndaines. On the contrary, they are 
modest and well bred, and must be treated with re- 
spect at all times by the men they entertain. Nat- 
urally, they are a class by themselves and looked 
down upon by Chinese ladies, merely on account 
of their occupation and their association with men, 
tho never on account of their morals. 

"While in Shanghai we were invited to tiffin — 
this meal is not the hasty " pick-up' ' luncheon of 
the "West, but a substantial repast, formally and 
handsomely set forth; in fact, when they desire to 
do honor to a friend in the Far East, they invite 
him to tiffin^ — we were invited to tiffin on the ' ' Mon- 
adnock" (over which our country's flag was fly- 
ing) at the invitation of Commander Baker. We 
went out in a launch to the harbor, which is the 

163 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

mouth of the Yang-tse-Kiang. Besides a lot of 
other notables, there were the American Consul- 
General and his wife, and the Italian commander 
of a war-ship in the harbor who was a prince and 
cousin of the King of Italy. 

After tiffin the jackies were called up; they 
formed on the deck and I gave them a little enter- 
tainment. I can truly say that I have seldom faced 
a brighter or more appreciative audience. They 
never missed a point; and the grins that chased 
each other over their tanned and good-natured 
faces were only equaled by their hearty laughs that 
were sandwiched in between. Afterward they 
manned the yards, and gave me the Admiral's sa- 
lute — thirteen guns. 

The sights about Shanghai are of kaleidoscopic 
interest. In the Soo-chow Creek and the various 
canals boats crowd and shoulder one another like 
swarms of water-bugs. 

In these tiny hulls, covered merely with a tent 
of mats, whole families are born, live and die, with 
no other habitation or environment, and apparently 
seem to thrive. The green scummy water looks un- 
healthful enough to kill them all, but as they drink 
only tea, for which the water is always boiled, there 
isn't as much harm done as one might suppose. 
Smallpox plagues and scarlet fever are generally 
rife, but no one seems to worry much about them. 
Lean, wolfish dogs are in every street; and chick- 

164 



FIEST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

ens seem to be a part of every household, living on 
terms of equality with the family. 

The country around Shanghai is flat, but so fer- 
tile that it is a joy to drive through it. The farms 
are marvels of orderly cultivation, and remind us 
forcibly of Long Island truck-farms. 

Great, smooth-skinned buffaloes with huge curv- 
ing horns lumber up and down the fields, hitched 
to rude plows or, when off duty, wallow luxuri- 
ously in the little streams. 

The fields, even the cultivated ones, are dotted 
thickly with little mounds, or small tombs, marking 
the graves of the dead, and along every road are 
stone arches erected to some charitable man or vir- 
tuous and benevolent woman. 

We saw a funeral one day while waiting for a 
boat. Men and women were drest in white with 
a white cloth binding their foreheads, while the 
coffin was carried slung by ropes from a bamboo 
pole across the shoulders of two stout coolies. 

The servants we came in contact with in China 
were marvels of ability and trustworthiness. One 
lady who had lived in China several years lamented 
that she shouldn't know what to do when she went 
home to America to live ; here she had ten perfectly 
trained servants for the price she would have to 
pay for two incompetent ones at home. 

Pidgin-English is universal and to the new- 
comer it sounds absurd beyond measure to hear 

165 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

dignified English and Americans seriously talking 
the babyish lingo. When I first arrived it was 
something of a shock to hear our honorable Consul- 
General say to the boy when sending up-stairs for 
a friend to come down to my room: "Boy, go top- 
side, look-see can ketchee Mr. M. Sposie have got, 
tellee come downside.' f To which the boy an- 
swered as seriously "Can do," and disappeared. 

A story is told here in Shanghai of a Russian 
diplomat who fell in love with a charming German 
lady. Unfortunately neither could speak the other's 
language and were at a standstill as to how they 
were going to conduct the love-making. They 
could both talk pidgin-English, however, and fell 
back on that. When any one in China makes a 
contract they say, ■ ' Can putee in book, ' ' so the Rus- 
sian, looking unutterable love at his fair lady, cooed 
softly: "My likee you — sposee you likee my, can 
putee in book?" To which she shyly answered: 
' l Can do, ' ' and they were married. 

Chen Dong, who was head boy in the dining- 
room of the Astor House, and who is quite a famous 
character in the East, known to every one, still talks 
the ridiculous pidgin-dialect, tho he can speak 
very good English. By his ingratiating and smi- 
ling civilities he accumulated a fortune of fifteen 
thousand dollars, a princely sum for one of his 
class, and tho he denied it roundly, was said to 
possess eight wives. 

166 



FIRST IMPRESSIONS OF CHINA 

One thing surprised me very much, and that was 
the sharp line drawn between natives and white 
people. No matter how high a Chinaman's rank, 
there are certain clubs and hotels where he would 
not be admitted, and I was astonished and hurt to 
find that I would not be allowed to entertain at 
tiffin in my hotel a Chinese friend of mine who was 
of high official standing, a graduate of Yale and 
a charming gentleman. It seemed an unfair regu- 
lation when at the next table to mine was a party 
of ill-bred Japanese, who gurgled their soup and 
made other unpleasant noises not usually asso- 
ciated with polite table manners. 

Tho they may not be so universally courteous, I 
prefer the Chinese in some ways to the Japs, for 
I think them more sincere. At any rate, they are 
a cheerful, happy, childlike lot of people that it is 
a pleasure to be among. 



167 



A VISIT TO A CHINESE THEATER 

I Compare the Art of Two Countries — The Chinese Suffer 
Greatly — Stage Merely Eaised Platform — Nerve-racking 
Orchestra — Kefreshments All Bound — Everybody Drinks 
Tea — Chinese Wife Smokes a Valuable Pipe — The Demi- 
Monde Get Green Cups — Actors Shriek with Falsetto 
Voices — Tell What They Are Going to Do Beforehand — 
No Scenery and Few Properties — Prances like Horse — 
Wear Painted Masks — There Are No Actresses — Attempt 
at Vaudeville — She Entertained the Bores — Preposterous 
Heroes and Characters — Nothing Funnier than Chinese 
Theater Except Practise- Drill of Chinese Soldiers. 



M 



Y interest being aroused by the very ex- 
cellent acting and staging I had seen in 
Japanese theaters, I was anxious to com- 
pare with them a Chinese playhouse. 

In Shanghai I found my opportunity and visited 
the best one there in that gay and festive thor- 
oughfare Fuchau Road. 

The tea-houses are frequent along this street. 
The shrill nasal singing of the girls and metallic 
twanging of stringed instruments may be heard 
coming from the upper rooms at all times and sea- 
sons. 

168 



A VISIT TO A CHINESE THEATER 

I found that in point of advancement in the 
drama the Chinese could not be compared for a 
moment with the Japanese. In fact, there is no 
staging or acting at all, in the sense that we under- 
stand it. 

The stage is merely a raised platform with a row 
of gaslights across the front, each little jet blinking 
forlornly at the top of a piece of pipe that sticks 
bravely up for four or five inches. Another row 
of lights extends over the stage and at the back 
two curtained doorways complete the entire stage 
arrangements. 

At the back of the stage between the doorways sits 
the orchestra, a collection of nerve-racking instru- 
ments that shriek and wheeze and bang, especially 
upon the entrance of prominent actors. 

The play begins at seven P. M., and shortly after 
that time the tables on the ground floor are fully 
occupied by Chinese sipping the tea that is an inev- 
itable part of every entertainment, social call, or 
business meeting. 

One Mexican dollar pays the entrance fee, en- 
titles one to a place at one of the tables, a program, 
and tea all the evening. Extra refreshments, such 
as fruit, nuts, sweets, and the ubiquitous melon- 
seed, are charged at the rate of twenty cents a bowl. 

The attendants who keep renewing the teacups 
do so by adding hot water, never more tea, but the 
cup seems miraculous, like the widow's cruse of 

169 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

oil, for no matter how many times hot water is 
added, the tea is always delicious and of the same 
strength. The pinch of tea-leaves in the bottom 
of each cup seems to possess wonderful powers of 
endurance. 

In the balcony that contains the best seats, for 
which extra charge is made, people sit by the rail- 
ing which is broadened out into a sort of table. 
On this they lean and place their tea and other re- 
freshments. 

The waiters walk about on a narrow platform 
outside of the balcony rail, dispensing hot water 
and eatables, occasionally passing around napkins 
scalding hot with steam, that are considered very 
refreshing for wiping the hands and face. 

Chinamen and their wives attend the theater 
together, the only public place where a man is seen 
with his wife. She is always spoken of by him as 
"my little stay-at-home" when he doesn't politely 
refer to her as "my dull thorn" or "my stupid 
one." 

I saw one Chinese lady, richly drest and thickly 
painted, sitting demurely beside her imposing-look- 
ing husband. She was smoking a beautiful gold 
water-pipe, that my Chinese friend assured me cost 
no less than three hundred dollars in gold, or nearly 
six hundred Mexican dollars. 

A strange distinction is made by serving with 
special cups women who are notorious. The at- 

170 



A VISIT TO A CHINESE THEATER 

tendants are supposed to know them all and when 
they come in attended by their Chinese gallants, 
instead of receiving their tea in the flowered cups 
that every one else has, they are served in cups of 
plain green china. 

The play is well under way when we enter, and 
painted and gorgeously robed actors are shrieking 
(apparently out of the top of their heads) in 
falsetto voices. The progress of the play is highly 
amusing to a foreigner, for there being no curtain, 
the action is never interrupted even tho the stage- 
hands are on the stage quite as much as the actors. 

Each actor, before he assumes his actual part, 
makes a sort of prolog appearance and tells just 
what he is going to do and just why he does it. 

This seems at first rather a useless performance, 
but after a while one realizes that if an actor didn't 
give some idea of who he was and what he intended 
to do, it would be difficult to pick him out and fol- 
low his performance amid the confusion and bustle 
of stage-hands arranging or removing properties 
and make-believe scenic effects. 

Tho there is no scenery there are crude attempts 
at properties, for instance, a piece of muslin laid 
down to represent a river, a curtain hung from 
two bamboo poles held by coolies is a temple gate, 
draped chairs and tables are rocks and mountains, 
and a boat is made of two chairs with a bit of cloth 
stretched between. 

171 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

When an actor is supposed to enter on horseback 
he prances in curveting handsomely. The whole 
performance is singularly reminiscent of childish 
days when " let's pretend" turned everything to 
exciting realities. 

When the actor has informed the audience what 
he is going to do, he retires, and then makes his 
proper entrance, going through all the details as 
he has promised them. As he climbs over the moun- 
tains or gets out of his boat, the stage-hands quickly 
remove them, or should he enter the temple gate, it 
immediately walks off, for its usefulness is over 
and it must give way to the next scenic represen- 
tation, which will be arranged as the need for it 
arises. 

When an actor dies or is slain in combat, he has a 
most impressive death-scene, wriggling all over the 
stage to the great delight of the audience, who do 
not seem to perceive any incongruity when he gets 
up, after he is thoroughly dead, even to the last 
little shiver, and calmly walks off. 

The actors wear masks of painted silk or 
gauze, or else paint their own faces with water- 
colors and a brush, until all semblance of a human 
face is obliterated. 

There are no actresses, men assuming every part. 
When they make up for women they wear wigs and 
put blocks of wood under their feet to counterfeit 
the proper walk of ladies swaying along on their 

172 



A VISIT TO A CHINESE THEATER 

"Golden Lilies/' as the Chinese admiringly style 
the dreadful little hoof-like feet a Chinese woman 
spends years of torture in obtaining. Vaudeville, 
composed of acrobats, magicians and imitators, 
sometimes varies the performance. Approval is not 
shown by clapping the hands, but by grunts of dif- 
ferent modulation. 

There are numerous traveling theatrical com- 
panies in China, and these generally pitch their 
tents in the temple courts, thus affording the peo- 
ple opportunity to kill two birds with one stone 
by combining amusement with religion. 

If one can endure in a Chinese theater until the 
end of the performance the deafening orchestra 
and the falsetto voices, he will find that two ushers 
come to the front of the stage and announce that 
the play is finished. Chinese plays never end in 
any culminating climax, indicating to the people 
that all is ended; so this announcement is really 
necessary. 

The plays generally abound in preposterous he- 
roes and characters, tho occasionally a scene of 
home-life is represented that gives a foreigner an 
insight into customs, absolutely unattainable in any 
other way. 

But with their faces painted out of all human 
semblance, their exaggerated and unnatural voices, 
walk and manner, together with a constant jumble 
of properties and stage-hands, and their feeble 

173 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

make-believes, we have a combination that produces 
a most amusing and absurd ensemble. 

We were not altogether sorry that we had en- 
dured unto the end, tho the boredom was beyond 
anything I can remember. We kept our seats, men- 
tally classing ourselves with the caller who, with 
a winning smile, said to the little girl who occupied 
the study while her father, an eminent literary man, 
was at dinner: 

"I suppose, my dear, that you assist your papa 
by entertaining the bores? " 

"Yes, sir,'' replied the little girl gravely; "please 
be seated.' ' 

I know of only one thing in China that is funnier., 
and that is a practise-drill of soldiers, which may 
actually be seen within two hundred miles of 
Shanghai. Here they use weapons of a pattern as 
ancient as the first crusaders, spears with triple 
points, and battle-axes on long poles. A row of 
soldiers armed with these antique curios stand be- 
hind a row squatting on their heels, and armed 
with rifles of the vintage of the American Civil 
war. In front of these a third row of men lie 
flat like sharpshooters, and are also armed with the 
same venerable firearms. 

When the word of command is given they "m^ke 
ready" and "take aim," but at the word "fire!" 
not a trigger is pulled; each man says "boom!" 
with that sublime indifference to the ridiculous and 

174 



A VISIT TO A CHINESE THEATER 

childlike faith in make-believe that distinguish the 
theaters. 

When an officer was asked why such a perform- 
ance was allowed, he said it kept the men busy 
and under discipline, and didn't waste powder. 

To see a whole company of men go through this 
absurd performance again and again as soberly and 
conscientiously as if they were really shooting is 
the most excruciatingly funny thing to be seen in 
China ; compared to it the theater is a poor second. 



175 



XI 

THE MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

Police Department Very Cosmopolitan — Mixed Court — 'Kiek- 
sha Inspection — I Visit the Court and am Introduced to 
the Mandarin Magistrate — He Wears the Little Bound 
Button — Police Eun in Prisoners by the Cue — Sen- 
tenced to Certain Number of Strokes with the Bamboo 
— "Wearing the Cangue — Attendants Sit on the Pris- 
oner While He Gets One Hundred on His Bare Legs — 
In the Ancient Walled City Terrible Cruelties are Prac- 
tised — The Ling Chee, or Hundred Cuts — Signs His Own 
Death- Warrant — Wholesale Bribery — Execution of Pi- 
rates — l ' My Just Make Little Squeeze ! ' ' — Not Even 
Above Blackmail. 

THE police department of Shanghai is a cos- 
mopolitan body, tho the organization and 
general supervision are principally English. 
The department is made up of several different 
nationalities drawn from the different concessions. 
In a drive through the city one can see English 
bobbies, French gendarmes, Chinese in blue uni- 
forms, high boots, long cues, and round turned-up 
hats ; but the most frequent are the imported Sikhs, 
splendid bronze giants from northern India, who 
wear huge red-striped turbans wound in intricate 
and towering folds above their keen faces, and pe- 

176 



MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

culiar rolled-under beards. Some of these Sikhs 
are mounted, and with their swords, leggings and 
gorgeous turbans make an imposing sight. They 
are the special dread of the Chinese malefactors, 
among whom they are known as "the red tops." 

Shanghai has twelve precinct police stations, and 
one court, known as the "Mixed Court/ ' because 
some representative of the several consulates sits 
each day with the Chinese magistrate*. Visitors 
are welcome at this court, as they are at the police 
stations. When I visited one of these latter, a curi- 
ous ceremony was taking place. The courtyard 
was filled with 'rickshas — there looked to be hun- 
dreds of them, all clean and shining. This cere- 
mony was the monthly inspection required by the 
police, and the 'rickshas were being tested by 
pretty rough usage from a hammer and the well- 
developed muscles of a big Irish sergeant, while the 
coolies — 'ricksha-men — looked anxiously on. If 
'rickshas stand this very thorough test they are 
considered safe to go another month. 

In the station were a number of prisoners, who 
were to be kept until the next day, when they 
would be sent to the Mixed Court for trial. 

The cells all opened on to a sort of balcony or ve- 
randa, enclosed in heavy iron bars. The prisoners 
spend most of their time out here in the air and 
sunshine, which is pleasanter for them than a dark 
cell — and surely more sanitary. There are special 

177 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

cells for beggars, which are generally occupied, for 
tho it is against the law, every street is infested 
with beggars, who get rounded up by the police, 
sometimes fifty at a time. 

The Mixed Court opens at ten o'clock in the 
morning, and the day I visited it, the American 
assessor, Dr. Barchet, the official interpreter, was 
sitting with the Chinese magistrate, a mandarin 
of high rank. 

I was introduced to the magistrate by -Dr. Bar- 
chet, and found him very gracious and possessing 
a fair supply of English. He was drest in full 
mandarin dress, brown satin coat, beautifully em- 
broidered, and a black velvet hat turned up about 
the edge and decorated with the button, the horse- 
tail and the peacock's feathers that indicate a man- 
darin's rank. 

We went into the court-room, where every one 
quickly took his place and the hearings began. 
All prisoners when brought before the magistrate 
must kneel during the entire proceeding. , 

Tho all the prisoners were Chinese, and the cases 
were conducted in that language, I could follow 
most of them, as the English sergeants preferred 
their charges to Dr. Barchet, who is a proficient 
Chinese scholar, and he in turn translated them to 
the magistrate. The charges were mostly petty 
ones, the sentences being light—a fine, or dismissal 
with a reprimand. 

178 



MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

Nature has given the police a great advantage 
over prisoners in China, for the cue is a handy and 
safe mode of compelling them to obey. It is rather 
distressing to a foreigner to see the way in which 
the cues are used to pull the men about with. When 
a policeman brings a man before the court, he 
drives him by his cue, and when he takes him away, 
he pulls him by it, or if there are several prisoners, 
he knots their cues together and pulls them along 
in a bunch. With such persuasion a prisoner is 
not apt to hesitate long. 

For thieving, prisoners are sentenced to a cer- 
tain number of strokes with the bamboo or to wear 
the cangue, for so many hours a day and sometimes 
both together. 

The cangue is a large square board that fits 
about the neck, and besides being very heavy and 
uncomfortable is considered a great disgrace, for 
it has the prisoner's name and crime pasted on it. 
In order to make the punishment more severe, the 
prisoner is often condemned to be taken to the place 
where the crime was committed and made to stand 
near the store or house where the nature of his 
crime, as well as his name, is plainly to be read by 
every passer-by. This is a terrible punishment, for 
the Chinese are very sensitive about being publicly 
shamed, "losing face," as they call it. 

In the afternoon I went back to the Mixed Court 
and saw some men bambooed. It was done in a 

179 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

different building from that where the trials take 
place, being at one side of an open court, where a 
desk was placed, behind which sat the assistant 
magistrate. 

The prisoners were brought out and stood at one 
side, waiting their turn. The magistrate called a 
name, Wan Hua, for instance, and a prisoner 
stept out. The magistrate gabbled off a Chinese 
jumble of words that meant, "You, Wan Hua, are 
convicted of stealing a coat and three quilts from 
Mrs. Ho Soy, and are sentenced to two hundred 
strokes with the bamboo." Then he proceeded 
with his reading and writing and paid no further 
attention. 

The prisoner threw himself on a piece of matting 
laid on the top step leading to the magistrate's 
desk; his trousers were pushed down, exposing his 
thighs, and two men in ridiculous red sugar-loaf 
hats trimmed with blue seated themselves on the 
prisoner's feet and shoulders, the latter one clutch- 
ing his cue. 

Two men with little bamboo rods about a yard 
long squatted on either side, when one delivered 
about twenty-five lashes, then rested, and the other 
took up the work, counting aloud as he beat. The 
prisoner howled and cried and begged, tears stream- 
ing from his eyes, for tho the work stroke does not 
break the skin, it is extremely painful. 

The men sitting on the prisoner joked and 

180 




Chen Dong 



A Sikh Policeman 



Two Police Sergeants 
A Shanghai Victoria 



MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

laughed, the officers standing about carrying on 
animated conversations, and as this all took place in 
a courtyard, open to the street, children ran in and 
out, playing and laughing, mothers with babies in 
their arms looked stolidly on, the babies blinking 
solemnly, while a little crowd of curious men stood 
about the entrance. 

The Mixed Court, being jointly under the juris- 
diction of foreigners, is necessarily more merciful 
and lenient than an unmixed Chinese court. In the 
native city, inside the walls and away from outside 
influences, the most brutal cruelties, for which Chi- 
nese justice has long been famous, or rather infa- 
mous, prevail. Besides the cangue, a man has to 
carry a heavy chain about his neck as well, and pris- 
oners before the court are obliged to kneel on chains. 

A gentleman told me of witnessing a court-room 
scene in the interior of China where a man who re- 
fused to confess was struck on the ankle-bone with 
a mallet until he fainted from the hideous pain — 
the bone being crushed to a jelly. 

Any one who has had an argument with a rock- 
ing-chair in the dark, and received even a slight 
blow on the ankle-bone, can appreciate what a 
fiendish imagination must have prompted such a 
torture. During this scene, a little Chinese girl in 
the court-room, laughing and prattling, looked on 
unmoved. She was the daughter of the jailer and 
presumably hardened to such things. 

181 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WOELD 

Pirates are frequently brought in from the in- 
terior, chained together by rings fastened through 
each man's collar-bone, and sometimes prisoners 
who are being carried from one place to another 
are hamstrung to prevent any possibility of their 
escaping. 

The most dreadful of all executions in China is 
the Ling Chee, or Hundred Cuts, where the con- 
demned man is given ninety-nine cuts on different 
parts of the body, contrived with such devilish cun- 
ning that death does not come until the last cut, 
reaching the heart, puts him out of his agony. 

This execution is only administered for three 
crimes: attempted assassination of the Emperor or 
Empress, the killing of father or mother, or the 
killing of a husband by a wife. The killing of a 
wife by a husband is not so serious a matter. 

Another method of execution peculiar to the Chi- 
nese is to put a man in a wicker cage that it fitted 
closely about his neck, his head appearing through 
a hole in the top. He stands on several bricks, and 
each day a brick is taken from under his feet, let- 
ting his weight be more and more suspended from 
his neck. He is given nothing to eat or drink, so 
besides perishing from hunger and thirst he is 
slowly choked to death. No man can endure this 
dreadful combination longer than three or four 
days at the outside. 

In China a man must sign his own death-war- 

182 



MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

rant by inking his thumb and making the impres- 
sion of it on the paper. Chinese law, when once it 
has a man in its clutches, is loath to give him up, 
whether he be innocent or guilty. So if he does 
not sign the warrant willingly he is tortured until 
he does it in sheer desperation. 

Political prisoners, who are sentenced to ban- 
ishment, seldom reach the place of their destination, 
for after such a sentence there is almost always an 
accident, either by the chair in which he is car- 
ried being tipped while on a bridge by one of the 
coolies stumbling and thrown into the river, where 
there is no hope of escape from the clumsy, tightly 
closed affair, or else the banished one is mysteriously 
attacked by highwaymen and murdered. All exe- 
cutions of any sort are free for any one — man, 
woman, or child — to witness. 

The effect of a universal and deadly system of 
bribery is only too apparent, a system that saps the 
strength and ability of China to become a great 
country, for from one end of the kingdom to the 
other there is no disinterested desire for advance- 
ment, only a case of the big fish eating up the little 
ones and no man so great that he can not be bought. 

If a prisoner condemned to be beheaded will pay 
the executioner a fat bribe, he may expect to be 
sent out of existence with neatness and dispatch, 
after having been heavily drugged with opium. 
But if he refuses he must suffer a clumsy execution 

183 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

that will be attended by torture and pain before 
the end finally comes. Even in the simple and less 
painful process of bambooing, a bribe will induce 
the whipper to hold the bamboo stiff, causing much 
less pain than if allowed to bend and spring. The 
captain of a British bark lying off Canton de- 
scribed the execution of twenty-nine pirates who 
had attacked a tug manned by coolies and slaugh- 
tered the greater part of them. As all executions 
are free to the public, there was a general request 
by the crew of the bark for a holiday and, per- 
mission being granted by the captain, there was a 
general exodus to the shore. 

It appeared that only those of the criminals who 
could not purchase ransom were executed. Those 
who had fifty dollars or friends that could supply 
that sum were liberated on payment of the same 
to the mandarin of the district. The luckless 
twenty-nine had apparently neither friends nor 
money. So they were marshaled out of prison 
under a strong guard of soldiers and, like the 
prisoners in our Sing Sing who, for their last meal, 
are allowed the best that the prison cuisine affords, 
these malefactors were furnished any mode of con- 
veyance at the disposal of the authorities to con- 
vey them to the place of execution. Most of them 
elected to go in state in palanquins or, what is the 
same, bamboo baskets borne between two soldiers, 
while a few walked. 

184 



MAJESTY OF THE LAW IN CHINA 

The condemned were marshaled in line, and re- 
quired to kneel on "all fours' ' before the mandarin 
and his suite. All knew the procedure, and there 
was no confusion. The headsman, armed with a 
keen, broad-bladed sword, stept out. If this gen- 
tleman should fail to sever the head of his victim 
in three blows, his own would be forfeited. But in 
this instance he did his work with both certainty 
and celerity. Approaching the first in line he 
gave a swift, swinging blow on the back of the 
neck and a decapitated head rolled on to the ground. 
The bodies were gathered up and buried in a com- 
mon grave. 

This dreadful system of bribery and "squeez- 
ing" is the canker at the heart of China. Every 
one expects it from every one else ; even the children 
are not to be trusted. A Chinese woman sends her 
child to a chow shop and weighs the food when it 
is brought home to see that her own child is not 
"squeezing" her. 

In making change the smallest boy, as salesman, 
will keep back two or three "cash." Should you 
say, "How fashion you steal my cash? You b'long 
allee same as t'ief," he will indignantly answer: 
"My no b'long t'ief, my ketchee you watch, then 
b'long t'ief, but my just make little squeeze." No 
one is ashamed of it or accounts it dishonest. 

It would seem as if all the horrible punishments 
so publicly administered would effectually prevent 

185 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

even the most reckless and hardened from commit- 
ting crime, but it doesn't seem to do so, and the 
courts go on flourishing on the bribes extorted and 
the money paid by innocent people to keep out of 
court, for it is openly averred that a Chinese court 
of justice, among other delinquencies, is not even 
above blackmail. 

It is not surprising that among the people are 
current such sayings as "Tigers and snakes are 
kinder than judges or runners," or "In life be- 
ware of courts, in death beware of hell ! ' ' 



186 



XII 

MANILA: THE OLD AND THE NEW 

Landing of Magellan — Drinking Blood Contract — Haughty 
Spaniards — Chinese Pirates — Era of Peace — The Silver 
Galleons — Greedy Dutch — Battle of Playa Honda — Jap- 
anese Ambassador — Eeligious Embassy — Jealous Portu- 
guese — Spanish Friars Put to Death — British Squad- 
ron Arrives — Bombards the City — Great Losses by the 
British — The Peace of Paris — British Embark and Sail 
for India — Islands Settle Down Under Spanish Domin- 
ion — Dewey's Guns Change the Map — My Debt to an 
Accomplished Manilian — What the U. S. A. Has Done 
for Manila — Two Centuries of Dirt Eemoved. 

IT is nearly four hundred years since the green 
and beautiful Philippines lay smiling in the 
sunshine on the day that Magellan landed with 
his little fleet upon Mindanao, one of the largest 
of the island group, and formally dedicated the 
newly found world to God and the Church. Even 
the barbaric ceremony of drawing and drinking 
blood from each other's breast was gone through 
with by the Spaniard and the Mindanao chieftain 
that the treaty of loyal friendship might be ce- 
mented in inviolable faith. 

But, alas ! the brave and brilliant Magellan sur- 
vived only a few months his landing; for he was 

187 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

mortally wounded by an arrow in the hands of a 
native during a battle between the rival tribes of 
Cebu and Magtan, and perished just as both fame 
and fortune were about to be laid at his feet. 

But a posthumous glory has not been denied him, 
and three splendid monuments — one on the spot 
where he was slain; another, an obelisk, on Cebu, 
recording his first discovery ; and the third, on the 
left bank of the Pasig at Manila — testify to the 
regard in which his memory is held. 

For successive generations the islands were har- 
assed by wars and rumors of wars. The haughty 
and bigoted Spaniard gave place to the crafty and 
bloodthirsty Chinese — pirates and outlaws, greedy 
for the wealth of the islands, and determined to 
possess them, until finally repulsed, after innumer- 
able sackings and slaughters, and driven forever 
from their shores, thus saving the Philippines to 
Spain and America. 

One can not but listen with delight to the tra- 
ditions of the period that followed, an era of peace 
and prosperity almost without parallel. Following 
the peaceful pursuits of agriculture, primitive tho 
they were; attending the services of the Church 
into which they were baptized and welcomed; ob- 
serving its festivals and joining in the graceful 
dances and music that made up so large a part of 
their pleasure and pastimes; feeling, it is true, 
the iron yoke of Spain's intolerance and bigotry, 

188 



MANILA: THE OLD AND THE NEW 

but able, at times, to throw it off with the ease and 
lightness of the true tropic temperament — these 
were the times that lulled the souls of the Filipinos 
to dreamy f orgetf ulness and repose. 

Across the seas came and went the richly 
freighted argosies — galleons laden with silver from 
Mexico; ships filled with luxuries from distant 
Spain, until the treasury was replete to overflowing, 
and the homes of the officials gorgeous with the 
hangings and paintings, the carvings and suitings 
of Spain and South America. 

Into this Arcadian paradise entered the Dutch — 
stolid, greedy, immovable, and prepared to seize 
the rich prizes and hold them for their own. Ke- 
morseless as fate, these freebooters, who never gave 
nor asked quarter, bore down upon the laden gal- 
leons and towed them away from Philippine waters, 
while the Spaniards stood upon the shore in help- 
less misery. 

Millions of dollars intended for the salaries of 
the Governor-General, his officials and the troops 
were confiscated, and yet the enemy, with charac- 
teristic Dutch pertinacity, reappeared for more. 

The bloody battle of Playa Honda finally drove 
the greedy Dutch back to their stronghold in the 
Moluccas, w T hence they sallied forth no more. 
The odds were too overwhelming — ships, flags, ar- 
tillery were seized, and merchandise plundered to 
the value of over $300,000. 

189 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

Then came the Japanese, in great dignity, pre- 
ceded by an ambassador, demanding surrender and 
acknowledgment of himself by the Spaniards as 
their liege lord. Diplomacy was the weapon of the 
wily hidalgo; and diplomacy was met by diplo- 
macy. A treaty of commerce was suggested and 
made and, in time, religious embassies, anxious to 
convert the Japanese to the Church, set sail for Ja- 
pan and were presented to the Emperor. 

Here the Portuguese stept in — traders who 
were jealous of Spanish favor — and poisoned the 
ear of the Japanese Emperor. The Embassy of 
Spanish friars, after suffering every ignominy, 
were put to death by crucifixion. Again did the 
blood of the martyrs become the seed of the Church ; 
and to-day the " Saints' days" of these martyrs are 
observed throughout the islands with great pomp 
and ceremony. 

Then came the British — last, tho not least, of the 
train of spoilers that for centuries had ravaged 
the beautiful archipelago. But they came in the 
name of war — dignified war; for Spain had de- 
clared war against England and the latter was not 
slow in seizing her prerogative. 

In September, 1762, a British squadron of thir- 
teen ships (fateful number!) under command of 
Admiral Cornish appeared in Manila Bay, de- 
manding instant surrender and submission. A 
fighting force of nearly 5,000 men — troops, sea- 

190 



MANILA: THE OLD AND THE NEW 

men and sepoys — was landed and the trouble be- 
gan. The previous capture of a Spanish galleon 
containing two millions and a half of specie in- 
flamed the greed of the British afresh, and assault, 
pillage, and rapine followed in quick succession for 
over a twelvemonth. The sufferings of the natives 
were indescribable, until they fled to the fastnesses 
of their native forests. The bombardment contin- 
ued for a month, until 20,000 cannon-balls and 
5,000 shells were thrown into the city, the English, 
notwithstanding their ultimate victory, losing 
nearly 2,000 men and many gallant officers. 

Nearly a year more was consumed in dickering 
over the indemnity of $4,000,000 demanded by 
General Draper, and by the petty jealousies and 
intrigues against British power and authority, the 
priests being the chief cause of bloodshed, as they 
taught the people that no mercy should be shown 
to the infidels. The friars laid aside the cowl for 
the helmet, and believed their cause more than 
justified, as they had lost over a quarter of a 
million dollars, while fifteen convents had ben des- 
troyed, several valuable estates despoiled, and 
many of their number killed or taken prisoner and 
exiled to India and Europe. 

The arrival of a Spanish grandee with a com- 
mission as Governor-General in his pocket, and the 
news of an armistice by which the Peace of Paris, 
February, 1763, was proclaimed, put an end to 

191 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

further hostilities; but it was not until the spring 
of 1764 that the British finally embarked for In- 
dia, after all claims had been satisfactorily settled, 
and the Islands, torn by so many centuries of rapine 
and bloodshed, were left to settle down, with what 
feelings of relief and content they could command, 
under the rule and dominion of Spain and its 
priestly hierarchy. 

The booming of Dewey's guns on that memorable 
May day of 1898 changed in a twinkling the order 
of things, from the old unto the new; even the 
face of nature followed the universal edict, which 
ordains that the higher civilization must drive out 
the lower, and became transfigured from dirt to 
cleanliness, from disease to health, and from im- 
moral ugliness to moral beauty and strength. 

I am indebted to that most accomplished Manilian, 
Mr. Eamon Lala, for much that is interesting in 
fact and history concerning the early centuries of 
his native Islands, and I feel that he will pardon 
me if I have borrowed too freely from his honeyed 
store, when I say that nowhere else was I able to 
find material so faithful and exact, and none in 
which fact and fancy were so happily blended. 

Before I went to Manila I had heard much won- 
dering as to what the United States meant to do 
with the Philippines. Since I came away I have 
often asked myself what the United States had not 
done with the Philippines. And it is the Europeans 

192 



MANILA: THE OLD AND THE NEW 

who will echo this, for the Americans do not need 
to ; I mean the Europeans who have lived for years 
in the Islands and who are enjoying Manila as it 
is and who remember Manila as it was; they will 
sound the praises of America and her good work 
in the Far East. 

These admirers of our country and its methods 
are neither sentimentalists nor sycophants. They 
are in the Philippines solely for business reasons; 
they knew a good thing when they see it, and in 
the last five years they have seen more of it than 
they ever believed could be possible in Manila. 

Keform under the Spanish regime meant to put 
thieves and do-nothings out of office, so that a new 
set of thieves and do-nothings could take their 
places. Honest Spaniards were not unknown in 
Manila, especially in positions that had no possible 
chances of graft in them; but they did little but 
hold down their respective chairs and draw their 
salaries— when they could. 

Meanwhile Manila ranked high in filthiness, which 
(Japan excepted) is the distinguishing mark of Far 
Eastern cities not under Anglo-Saxon rule. 

As a consequence, all the plagues of Biblical 
Egypt had their own sweet way with natives and 
Spaniards alike, and were piously attributed to the 
will of Heaven. Now they are regarded as specters 
that are laid, and which — thanks to the Americans 
— will rise no more. 

193 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

But they were not laid in a day, for they had 
associated causes. The streets were cleaned under 
American management and compulsion — so much 
compulsion that the natives complained bitterly. 
Besides, the removal of three centuries of accumu- 
lated filth was almost like tearing the city up by 
the roots. And, when the plague broke out about 
five years ago, causing deaths at the rate of a hun- 
dred a day, some Filipinos actually rejoiced, for 
did not this prove that clean streets were un- 
healthful? 



194 



XIII 
THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

In Seven Years the United States Government Has Per- 
formed Herculean Tasks — Great Filtering Plant — Ab- 
solutely Pure Water — Cleanest Bill of Health in the 
Universe — Civil as Well as Military Government — Ad- 
mirable Police Force — Dollar Has Lost Its Name — The 
Universal Conant — Van-Loads of New Money — I Buy a 
Panama Hat for Twenty Conant — "She Acknowledges 
to Twenty-five" — Fine Fire Department Built on New 
York Lines — Trolley Line — New City Hall and Labora- 
tory—Beautiful Luneta — Fine Harbor Works — Fiesta 
of the Virgin of Antipolo — Flourishing Candle Busi- 
ness — Popular "Mayor" Brown — His Big Heart and 
Hospitable Home — The Consumptive's Dying Wish 
Fulfilled— I Tell the Mayor a Story of Speaker Keed-— 
"I Don't Want the Horse to See You! " 

THE Manila of to-day, when she is yet in her 
adolescent stage, uncouth and unfinished 
in many ways, gives such promise of future 
beauty and strength that she fascinates and com- 
pels universal interest. 

It is barely seven years since the Americans took 
the city in hand, for tho it has been occupied by 
them for nine years, the Spooner Bill, advocating 
giving the first chance in commercial and financial 

195 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

ways to the Filipinos, tied the Americans' hands. 
The Filipinos neither recognized nor appreciated 
their opportunities and would never have done so 
had the Spooner Bill given them twenty instead 
of two years' time. 

In the seven years allowed them the Americans 
have performed Herculean tasks, sanitary meas- 
ures being the first and greatest step toward im- 
provement. The government has established a 
great filtering and sterilizing plant — every one 
now buys absolutely pure water for the nominal 
sum of four cents a gallon. The natives still use 
the city water, but the fear of God has been put 
into them, and the great majority boil the water 
before drinking it. 

Manila shows to-day one of the cleanest bills of 
health of any city in the world, and for this, more 
than to any other reason, they are indebted to the 
rigid measures of the Board of Health. 

The climate is still enervating to a newcomer, 
and always will be, but this should be offset by 
occasional trips to a cooler climate, or higher alti- 
tude, which may be found right in the province, 
or a sea-voyage may be taken, while judicious care 
in eating and drinking should always be main- 
tained. 

In the first days of the American occupation the 
government was entirely military, but now there 
is a civil government as well, controlling the police, 

196 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

fire, and municipal departments. The police are 
a splendid body of men, recruited from the army. 
They dress in khaki and make a fine appearance. 
Their pay is $95.00 (gold) a month, and on a two- 
to-one system, such as prevails there in regard to 
money, this is excellent wages. 

The dollar has lost its name in Manila. The new 
silver coinage for the Philippines is called the 
"Conant" (emphasis on the first syllable) after 
the American who devised it for the government. 
The denominations are the same as those for the 
money of the United States, but they are worth only 
half as much. The large silver coin popular 
throughout the Far Eastern seaports, including un- 
til recently Manila, is almost universally called a 
" Mexican " after the land of its origin. Most of 
us can remember about twenty years ago how the 
United States tried to unload the "trade dollar/' 
so called, in Japan, China, and other Eastern coun- 
tries, but the time-honored "Mexican" held its 
own, and the trade dollars came back home to 
plague our tradesmen and to weigh down our 
pockets; they were dubbed "those plaguey cart- 
wheels !' '—and finally were called in by the gov- 
ernment. 

In the Philippines, the Mexican has been re- 
placed by the Conant dollar only by the aid of the 
law. Since January 1st, 1905, there has been a 
minimum penalty of $2,000 for expressing the 

197 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

terms of any business transaction in Mexican dol- 
lars. At the time of our visit we saw several vans 
coming into the city loaded with the new Conant 
money for the Philippines. I thought the thing 
to do was to buy a straw hat, — that is, a Manila,— as 
I had heard they were cheaper (and just as service- 
able) than anywhere else in the East; but the shop 
fellow charged me twenty dollars. I did not pur- 
chase; but the next day when some friends told 
me that was the price in Conant dollars, which 
meant only ten gold dollars, I went back and 
bought the hat. 

At a dinner at the home of the famous "Mayor" 
Brown — of whom more anon — some ladies were 
wondering how old a certain lady (who, of course, 
was not present) was; and one of them remarked, 
"Well, she acknowledges to twenty-five." "Gold, 
or Conant?" quickly asked the witty "Mayor." 

The fire department should warm the heart of 
any American who has a pride in the splendid 
equipment of American cities, for that of Manila 
compares favorably with any of them, being mod- 
ern and complete in every way. It was planned 
and organized by Hugh Bonner, the famous fire 
chief of New York, and in all points shows evidence 
of the master hand. 

In a city where abound so many native houses, 
made of mats, bamboo and thatch, fires are par- 
ticularly destructive. A law has lately been passed 

198 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

forbidding the erection within the city limits of 
any more nipa houses. 

In the old days of Spanish rule the hand-engines 
were very inadequate, and being pulled by Fili- 
pinos it goes without saying that rapidity was not 
one of their leading characteristics. It is said that 
if, while an engine was being dragged to a fire, a 
man's cigaret went out, all the others would stop 
to give him a chance to light it again. House- 
holders contributed to the support of fire com- 
panies, and when a man's house caught fire, in- 
quiry was first made as to whether he was a con- 
tributor. If not, the firemen went away and let 
the house burn. 

One of the most interesting departments in the 
civil government is the Secret Service. In a com- 
munity where insurrections are hatched overnight, 
and battle, murder and sudden death are daily 
occurrences, this service must necessarily be well 
equipped and vigilant. 

The Secret Service system of Manila is one of 
unusual excellence, and in its rooms may be seen 
a collection of mementos of great interest. 

The pawn-shops in the city are conducted by the 
priests, and a rule of the civil government is that 
every day a list of the articles pawned the day be- 
fore must be sent to the Secret Service. In this way 
stolen goods may be quickly traced, and for many 
reasons this law is excellent. 

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SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

The city swarms with public carriages, victorias, 
and carromatas. They are drawn by the little 
native ponies, unruly and pig-headed when they 
are not dejected and somnolent. This is perhaps 
principally due to bad driving, for here, as every- 
where in the East, horses are barbarously driven, 
arousing the sympathy and indignation of all true 
horse-lovers. 

The little native carts go tilting along, at an 
angle that must be particularly uncomfortable for 
the occupants. Ponies hardly larger than good- 
sized calves pull these covered carts, holding some- 
times as many as seven or eight natives, packed 
in tightly. The driver sits on the dashboard and 
flogs the little animal at every step. It is told of 
these ponies that they will pull any number of 
natives, but will balk if two white people get in 
behind them. 

The first of the year 1906 a fine trolley system 
was put in operation, and this made a great revolu- 
tion in the modes of conveyance. Prices for the use 
of cabs dropt fifty per cent., and horseflesh will 
soon go a-begging. 

When the trolley line was first proposed the Ma- 
nila cocheros, w T ho number several thousand, 
threatened deadly things, warned the promoters 
that the tracks would be torn up, and that the 
progress of the road would be so hindered in innu- 
merable ways that it could never be completed. 

200 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

But notwithstanding these elocutionary fireworks, 
the building of the road went on steadily, Uncle 
Sam's soldiers and the civil constabulary probably 
looking too formidable a proposition to tackle. 

Some of the new public buildings are very at- 
tractive, notably the City Hall. About all of them 
the freshest and greenest of grass is kept in the 
most perfect condition. To be sure, this has been 
achieved only by dint of hard work and much wa- 
ter, but as the Spaniards always contended that 
grass could not be made to grow in Manila, the 
Americans are pardonably proud of the- results 
they have achieved. The cold-storage and distil- 
ling plant is the most imposing of the new build- 
ings, and in many ways the most important. 

The government has lately completed a new lab- 
oratory, on which a great deal of money has been 
expended. It is in the Spanish Mission style of 
architecture, and will be a great ornament to the 
town when the grounds are laid out and finished. 
It is designed to be used for testing all metals, 
minerals, and vegetation in the islands, experiment- 
ing to find the best uses for everything, and de- 
ciding what soil is most adapted to certain prod- 
ucts. It is intended as a special benefit to the na- 
tives, as many of them are agriculturists, and the 
aim of the institution is to discover and put into 
practical use all the resources of the islands. 

It is to be regretted that the natives do not ap- 

201 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

predate or understand the magnitude of the gift, 
nor the benefits to be derived from it. They are 
distrustful of the Americans, disliking them on 
general principles, as progress and hustling are 
opposed to their ideas of life. 

The Luneta, an open plaza, with a bandstand 
in the center, surrounded by drives, is the meeting- 
place of Manilians of all classes. In the evening 
from six to seven hundred carriages drive about 
or stand by the curb, their occupants listening to 
some one of the many military bands. 

It is a pretty sight, for the Luneta is directly on 
the bay, and besides the beauty of the smooth har- 
bor dotted with shipping, there is always the added 
attraction of a magnificent sunset. Manila is fa- 
mous for these splendid sunsets that turn to a 
perfect glory the whole western sky. 

The walled city remains practically the same. 
The old wall still stands as when it was put up 
three or four hundred years ago for protection 
against Chinese and Malay pirates, that is, except 
along the river front, where it interfered with 
business enterprises. Here it is being torn down 
by convict laborers, and as they work, disclosing 
the inner portions of the wall, it may be seen how 
solid and substantial was the work of the Span- 
iards. This same solidity may be seen in the 
churches, convents, and portions of old walls still 
standing. 

202 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

The gates from the walled city proved too nar- 
row when traffic became heavier, lines of vehicles 
being congested between the double gates. So two 
wide breaches have been made in the wall, afford- 
ing means of rapid ingress and egress. The moat is 
dry now and is gradually being filled in, to be 
turned into floral gardens lining the wall. 

Everything is being done to beautify the city, 
to provide fine harbor works, and an elaborate 
system of wharves, parks, and recreation grounds. 
The beginning of the Zoo, which has ambitions to 
be a fine one some day, is a large cage of monkeys, 
that seem to be a never-failing source of enter- 
tainment and amusement to the crowd of natives 
that surround the cage at all hours. 

We were fortunate in witnessing a rather im- 
portant religious ceremony, the fiesta, so dear to 
the native heart. The occasion was the visit to 
Manila of the Virgin of Antipolo, a very distin- 
guished lady in many respects. Her history is in- 
teresting and varied, and it is wonderful to see 
the veneration in which she is held. 

Her early history is rather shrouded in mys- 
tery, and dates back between four and five hun- 
dred years. She made her first appearance in Mex- 
ico, some say by falling from heaven, and landing 
in the top of a tree, where she was discovered by 
some padres and taken into their church to become 
the patron of safe and pleasant voyages. 

203 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

In those days fleets of treasure-ships sailed from 
Mexico, bringing silver bullion and money to the 
Philippines. Many of these precious ships were lost, 
encountering storms or becoming the prey of the 
pirates that infested the southern seas. 

Being imprest by the fame which had become 
wide-spread of the Virgin of safe and pleasant 
voyages, the admiral of the treasure-fleet conceived 
a bold plan. On the eve of departure for one of 
these perilous trips, he stole the sacred image and 
carried her away on his flagship. It is on record 
that that voyage was a perfect one, no storms or 
pirates being encountered, and not a single piece- 
of -eight being missed. 

For many voyages the Virgin was carried back 
and forth, insuring safe passage every time, un- 
til finally she was installed with much honor 
in the church at Antipolo, a few miles from 
Manila. 

Here she remained, worshiped and honored, the 
richest gifts being bestowed upon her, until now 
she is the possessor of more than two hundred and 
fifty thousand dollars' worth of jewels, and a trunk 
full of the most splendid apparel. 

For the first time in a hundred and fifty-six 
years she was brought from her church at Antipolo 
and visited Manila, where she was installed in the 
Cathedral. 

It is said that about fifty years ago preparations 

204 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

were made to receive her at Manila, arches and 
decorations put up and a feast-day appointed, but 
when they went to lift her from her pedestal she 
shook her head, so that they did not dare to take 
her down, and she remained until another feast 
was set. 

This happened while we were in Manila, and tho 
the procession did not take place owing to a severe 
shower, something very unusual for the season, we 
saw the crowds, the decorations, and the Virgin. 
She is about four feet high, indifferently carved in 
wood, her complexion looking as if her many voy- 
ages on the Spanish Main had tanned her pretty 
badly. Her hair is long and thick and exceedingly 
black for a lady of such advanced age. She was 
drest in a flowing robe of sky-blue, thickly em- 
broidered, and crusted with gems. A coronet of 
precious stones was on her head, and necklaces of 
pearls, gold and jewels were hung about her neck. 

The church was packed with worshipers in ecsta- 
sies of devotion, the women with thin black veils 
thrown over their heads and faces, the proper attire 
for church attendance. 

Outside the wide terrace about the church was 
an animated picture. Marketmen and v/omen 
crowded the space with baskets and mats holding 
fruit, nuts, cakes, candies, toys and trinkets of all 
kinds. This open market at the church door is 
allowed only on special occasions, and in and out 

205 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

among the buyers and sellers went the health offi- 
cers, fumigating and disinfecting everything and 
everybody. 

A feature of all the churches at any time are the 
sellers of candles, women and girls, who waylay the 
entering worshipers and beg them to buy a candle 
to burn to their patron saint. The candle business 
is conducted by padres, from whom the candle-sell- 
ers buy them, for they must first be blest before 
being offered for sale. 

An irreverent young American told me that these 
candles are blown out as soon as service is over and 
being only half consumed are melted again to help 
make more candles for the next day. This process 
is repeated over and over again so that the padre's 
profit doubles continually. 

The most striking personality in Manila, and 
certainly the most popular, is William Walton 
Brown, familiarly known to every man, woman and 
child in the municipality as " Mayor Brown." 
When military titles and honors were being scat- 
tered about lavishly, upon the occupation by the 
United States army, Admiral Dewey remarked 
jocosely at a banquet given in honor of his being 
promoted from Commander to Admiral, "What's 
the matter with our friend Brown having a title, 
too? I propose that he become the Mayor of Ma- 
nila. Gentlemen, here's to the new Mayor!" 

The name "stuck," and to this day Mr. Brown 

206 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

is known by no other name than that of "Mayor" 
Brown. Physically he is a man of most generous, 
not to say lavish, proportions. In weight he equals 
Secretary Taft; in height he is something over six 
feet; and his "inner man" — I have special refer- 
ence to his heart — must be, at least, seven feet one 
way and twelve the other. No one, it is safe to say, 
ever came to him in trouble — pecuniary or other- 
wise — and went away uncomforted or unassisted. 
I could mention a dozen instances, but will specify 
but one : 

A young man, a victim of consumption, whose 
days were numbered, and who desired to return to 
his native land to die, came to Mr. Brown and 
asked if he could get him accommodations on a 
transport that would shortly leave for America. 
The kind-hearted "Mayor" replied that he would 
do his best, but feared it would be impossible, as 
the troops were to be packed in like sardines. "If 
you can't manage it, Mayor Brown, then nobody 
can; but I must go home to die," said the con- 
sumptive. 

Mr. Brown went to the proper authorities and, 
as he feared, found there were no accommodations 
— "not even for a fly, Mayor!" said the booking 
clerk. "He'll have to wait for the next transport — 
only a matter of a few months." 

"A few months!" cried the "Mayor." "That 
will mean a grave for him in the Philippines. 

207 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Here!" and he dived down into his pocket and 
brought up the price of a first-class passage on the 
next steamship sailing within a fortnight and sent 
it to the invalid, who reached America in time to 
breathe his last amid family and friends, as he had 
longed to do. 

"Mayor" Brown is a native of New York, where 
he has substantial interests, and went to the Orient 
over a decade ago, being connected with a firm in 
Yokohama. He was Admiral Dewey's guest on the 
flagship of the squadron that sailed from Hong 
Kong to Manila on the famous expedition that sank 
the Spanish fleet and changed the face of the map 
for the American nation. He was on the firing 
line with our troops during the battle, and was one 
of the first Americans to enter the city. In the in- 
terests of the American Commercial Co., and in 
other pursuits, Mr. Brown has added to his already 
handsome fortune, the most of which goes to make 
his fellow men — especially Americans— happier and 
better. He attends the meetings of the Municipal 
Board of Manila and does not hesitate to stand up 
for what he considers the rights of his fellow citi- 
zens — especially Americans. 

His beautiful home at Ermita is headquarters for 
numberless congenial spirits, and the Sunday tiffins 
of the Neversleep Club — oh, but they are wide- 
awake fellows — are functions which, like the "May- 
or's" cuisine, can not be excelled. Many handsome 

208 




Ancient Fire Department 

Modern Fire Department 



Nipa House 



THE MANILA OF TO-DAY 

tokens — notably a chased silver loving-cup — have 
been presented to him by those who have enjoyed 
his hospitality. 

His carriage — an open victoria, with servants in 
natty livery of white linen, top-boots and belts of 
black patent leather, high hats, with cockade on 
the side, and white gloves — is as well known in 
Manila as the face of its genial owner. This equi- 
page was ours to command during our entire stay 
in Manila, and was sent to our hotel every day. 
We had many charming outings, especially the six 
o'clock drive around the beautiful Luneta, over- 
looking the harbor and its famous sunsets, in com- 
pany with its owner, who was only too delighted 
to point out each and every spot of interest. We 
were indebted to him for our interesting visit to 
Bilibid Prison on the very day of the insurrection, 
for the doors were closed against all comers except 
the popular " Mayor of Manila.' ' 

I have said that Mr. Brown is a large man. The 
first day I had the pleasure of riding with him 
I told him a story of ex-Speaker Reed, another 
stout American. When the Speaker was in Lon- 
don he was about to enter a cab when the driver 
said "St! go in quietly, will you? I don't want 
the horse to see you ! ' ' 

I echo the sentiment of the leading journal of 
Manila, which, in a graceful and commendatory 
article on the genial "Mayor," said: "Few people 

209 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

in the Philippines are more popular or have 
stancher friends than Mr. Brown, and when the 
time comes that his tour of duty in these islands is 
completed, it will be with heavy hearts that those 
hosts of friends will see him off." 



210 



XIV 

NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

Costumes Unchanged — Beautiful Textures — Woven From 
Pineapple Leaf — Put Cigar in Baby's Mouth for Safe- 
Keeping — Men's Shirts a Mere Thought — Chinese 
Marry Filipino Women and Become Good Catholics — 
Water in Standard Oil Cans — Cock-fighting the National 
Amusement — Booster the Most Important Member of 
the Family — Housekeeping Hard for Americans — In- 
competent Servants — Spaniards Used to Whip Them — 
Domestic Life Among the Planter and Merchant Classes 
— Charming Homes and Happy Hearts — Graceful Hos- 
pitality — Their Pleasures and Amusements — Miracle 
Play — Fireworks and Home to Bed — Emilio Aguinaldo 
— His Wings Clipt and He Will Soar no More. 

NATIVE life in Manila remains practically 
the same as at the time of the American 
occupation. The native costume remains 
unchanged, especially among the women. They 
still wear gay skirts, with a separate piece of dark 
goods folded over them like panniers, or a long, 
wide apron of satin, richly embroidered. They 
have transparent waists with loose, full sleeves of 
jussi (pronounced hoo-see) or pifia, woven from 
pure pineapple-leaf fiber (an almost priceless fab- 
ric, a small pifia handkerchief being worth $50), 

211 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

with the stiff handkerchief around their necks that 
makes them all look hunchbacked; and they still 
clatter along on heelless slippers with wooden soles, 
scorning stockings. Their heavy striped or satin 
skirts are held high, displaying an elaborately em- 
broidered white petticoat and bare ankles. At 
first I thought the wide-striped skirts were worn in 
imitation of the American flag until told that this 
fashion had prevailed for many years. 

The women of the poorer class go barefoot, and 
their skirts are abbreviated in every way, their 
waists generally slipping from one shoulder, and 
their hair untidy when it is not hanging altogether 
loose, in thick, black masses. The women of all 
classes are constantly smoking cigars or cigarets. 
They carry the children astride of one hip, in- 
stead of on the back as in Japan and some parts of 
China. 

One of the funniest sights I ever saw was a scant- 
ily clothed Filipino woman carrying a boy about 
three years old astride of her hip. He wore a tiny 
green shirt, his only garment; on his head an old 
derby hat was jammed down to his ears ; and, to 
complete the picture, his mother took a cigar about 
eight inches long from her mouth, while she chaf- 
fered with a shopman, and put it in the boy's mouth 
for safe-keeping. 

The men are taking to foreign customs more rap- 
idly, and numbers of them wear regular shoes, and 

212 



NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

put a gauze undershirt beneath their outside airy- 
one of jussi. Some of these exquisite jussi shirts 
are so fine they are a mere thought, and must cer- 
tainly be worn for ornament only, for they serve 
neither as a protection nor covering. So delicate 
is the thread that, in weaving, it is protected by 
gauze from the gentlest breeze. 

The Chinese are the only industrious portion of 
the population and practically control the retail 
trade among the natives. Many of them are mar- 
ried to Filipino women, who make them good Cath- 
olics before they consent to marry them. A native 
woman who gets a Chinese husband is very lucky, 
for she will then be assured of a living, as he will 
work for her and his children, something a Fili- 
pino can not always be depended upon to do. They 
will also carry water for their wives to wash with, 
something a Filipino husband will not do. There- 
fore, the Chinese are rather in demand as husbands 
among the native women. 

Water-carriers are constantly going about the 
streets, and the most of them carry water in the 
ubiquitous Standard Oil cans, slung from a bamboo 
yoke laid across the shoulders. In every part of the 
Orient, beginning at Honolulu, through Japan, in 
far Cathay, not stopping at India's coral strand, 
but all the way around to Egypt — the traveler will 
find the Standard Oil can used for every conceiv- 
able purpose. The Kanaka boys in Honolulu bail 

213 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WORLD 

out their canoes with them ; they are used as water- 
cans everywhere; lanterns are made from them in 
Japan, and other utensils in China ; elsewhere they 
are cut up for ornaments, and in Egypt they are 
used to pack dates in! Hundreds of thousands of 
these cans are sent East — filled with oil, which is 
truly the Light of Asia ! 

Filipino men incline toward the bootblack trade, 
there being more stands than there is seemingly any 
demand for. The opportunities between customers 
for rest in the chairs is probably the attraction that 
commends this trade to the ease-loving Filipinos. 

Their greatest pleasure in life is cock-fighting. 
There is no little shack without its petted and pam- 
pered rooster, tied by the leg, and tenderly watched 
and cared for. If the family goes out for a little 
jaunt or an hour's recreation, the woman may look 
after the children the best she can, while the man 
goes along, tenderly nursing the precious fowl in 
his arms. 

If the house catches fire, a native will first save 
his rooster before he even thinks of his family. On 
every harbor boat, where families live, the rooster, 
the most important member of the family, may be 
seen tied to the mast; at sunrise Manila is a very 
pandemonium of crowing cocks. Every one gets 
up early, for sleep is impossible. 

Another pastime of the people is music. They 
are passionately fond of it, and their ear is mar- 

214 



NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

velously true. There are a hundred and fifty na- 
tive bands in Manila, not more than a half-dozen 
members out of the whole number being able to 
read a note of music. They play by ear entirely, 
like our negroes of the Southern States, but their 
instruments are always in perfect tune, and their 
playing is harmonious and beautiful. 

We had been told such alarming things about 
Manila, and warned so earnestly against indulging 
in certain edibles, that we entered the city in fear 
and trembling, but we found the drinking-water 
delicious, the little hotel comfortable, and the table 
quite good, considering its limitations. At least 
there were good butter and excellent bread, two 
things that are not always found in places more 
pretentious. 

Mosquitoes were troublesome at night, but cano- 
pies over the beds gave ample protection, while the 
trade-winds, constant the year around, proved the 
assertion of the Manilians that nowhere do people 
enjoy more sound or refreshing sleep. 

In the houses which have sliding screens instead 
of windows, little lizards take up their homes, flit- 
ting along the walls and calling to each other with 
a peculiar chuckling cry. They are harmless lit- 
tle creatures and no one seems to mind them in the 
least. 

Housekeeping is rather difficult for Americans, 
servants being both incompetent and lazy. Mar- 

215 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

keting has to be done by the head of the household 
and everything has to be taken home, for nothing 
is delivered. This, together with the strain of be- 
ing constantly on the watch against thieving, is try- 
ing to the nerves of the newcomer. 

The Spaniards used soundly to whip their Fili- 
pino servants, engendering in them, as they be- 
lieved, a wholesome fear and respect. As they have 
no fear of corporal reproof from Americans, they 
are lazy, saucy and worthless to the last degree. 

An American with fairly good servants, whom 
he had had from four to seven years, was asked 
how he managed matters. He said he resorted to 
the old custom of whipping with the result that, in- 
stead of the contempt most servants have for their 
indulgent American employers, he had gained their 
respect and affection, and nothing could drive them 
from his employ. Some reformers might throw up 
their hands and indulge in protest against this, 
but the Filipino mind seems to work on those 
lines. 

Native life in the suburbs of Manila is the most 
unreal and fantastic I have ever seen. It looks as 
if everything had been arranged for an exhibition, 
and that nothing was real or permanent. The lit- 
tle nipa houses, smothered in groves of banana-trees, 
seem merely temporary ornaments. The women 
leaning from their windows, cigaret in mouth, 
look as if posing for pictures, and all the sights and 

216 



NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

sounds are so theatrical and brilliant that it seems 
as if there should be a sign reading "For this occa- 
sion only ! ' ' 

Mr. Ramon Lala has given some charming and 
interesting details of domestic life among the Ma- 
nilians. The residences of the well-to-do native 
planters are picturesque buildings, the body of the 
house being raised about six feet from the ground 
and mounted on thick pieces of stone. This per- 
mits of a free circulation of air and prevents the 
entrance of snakes and insects. A wide stairway 
connects the house with the street and leads to a 
broad open piazza, called a cahida, which is en- 
closed by sliding windows composed of small, square 
panes of mother-of-pearl, which keep out the heat 
but admit rays of light. Here are assembled the 
family — the father, kind and considerate, the moth- 
er, sweet and sympathetic, the children, quiet and 
obedient. The visitor to this scene of domestic 
happiness is welcomed with graceful hospitality and 
offered sugared dainties and cigarets. 

Beyond is a large room — the "living-room" of 
the West — with window, walls and sliding doors. 
Some chairs and a table — the latter covered with 
a beautifully embroidered cloth — are set about; 
upon the walls, which are covered with cloth in- 
stead of plaster, are bric-a-brac and ornaments, 
while engravings and family portraits hang be- 
tween. A crystal chandelier, with globes of colored 

217 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

glass, hangs from the ceiling. A small oratory 
stands in a corner. The broad floor-planks, scrubbed 
daily and polished with plantain-leaves, are smooth 
and clean as a mirror. 

Bedrooms open from the main room. The kitchen 
and bathroom are in a separate building. Every- 
where are cleanliness and coolness — the essentials of 
comfort in a tropic climate. 

The roof is thatched with nipa-palm, and the out- 
side walls of bamboo, painted white, and striped 
with green and blue, are covered with grotesque 
carvings. This, with the broad eaves and wide 
balconies, gives the house a most picturesque 
appearance. 

The home of a well-to-do merchant is a more 
solid and substantial building, with huge stone pil- 
lars and grated gateways at the entrance, through 
which may be seen emerging a handsome carriage, 
with liveried servants on the box and flashing sil- 
ver harness en the high-stepping horses. Beautiful 
trees of every color and blossom, together with num- 
bers of waving, feathery palms, encompass the 
house on every side. White-garbed coolies go in 
and out, noiselessly brushing, cleaning or serving 
as the case may be. 

The afternoon, following the appetizing tiffin of 
fruits and other dainty dishes, is for sleep — the 
siesta being universally observed. Then comes a 
five o'clock drive or a promenade on the Luneta, to 

218 



NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

listen to the music of the fine regimental bands — or, 
as some of the male species prefer, a visit to a cock- 
pit, where heavy gambling is going on. Then peo- 
ple go home for supper, which is a generous meal 
of roast pig, chicken, salads, and many native fruits 
and rice. Cigarets and coffee are passed round, 
the women smoking incessantly as do the men. Per- 
haps a hundred guests — friends and neighbors, in- 
vited and uninvited — pass in and out. All are 
equally welcome. Then follow singing, playing 
upon native instruments, and dancing by beautiful 
young girls and handsome youths, who portray by 
a thousand graceful movements the impassioned 
love-romances of their native isles. 

Then the people go home or to the village green, 
where is given a moro-moro play — a sort of miracle 
play, in which kings and queens, soldiers and vari- 
ous Biblical personages contend together. It is a 
tumultuous tragedy, in which is sometimes gross 
humor, but no coarseness or suggestion of it. Then 
come fireworks — very brilliant and beautiful — and 
afterward home with the mosquito canopies, and 
sleep. 

One of the most interesting figures of Filipino 
life I failed to see. I refer to Emilio Aguinaldo. 
This famous character has emulated Cincinnatus, 
beaten his sword into a plowshare, and retired to 
farm life at Cavite. Much criticism has been rife 
in the States as to Aguinaldo 's treatment by the 

219 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

government. The opinion was almost universal 
that a man who had cost the United States so much 
in lives and money should have been executed, or 
at least punished severely. 

When one sees the Filipino people and hears the 
opinion of wise old residents, it is apparent that 
the government could have done no better than it 
did and that it handled the matter with far-sighted 
diplomacy. Had they executed him, in accordance 
with the cry of numerous hot-headed stay-at-homes 
who demanded it, he would have immediately as- 
sumed the proportions of a martyr in the eyes of 
the people; his blood would have been like dragons' 
teeth, from which would have sprung arms and 
war, and a struggle indefinitely prolonged. An 
emotional, irrational people would have gone crazy 
with patriotic zeal, their blood fired by the heroic 
death of a martyr, and the consequences would have 
been too far-reaching to be counted. 

The commonplace, humdrum farmer at Cavite 
does not at all appeal to the natives, for very little 
of a hero, according to their ideas, can be made of 
a man who ends his theatrical career so inglori- 
ously. The special requisites for a hero to these 
people are a pair of red trousers, a sword, and 
much bombastic elocution. Shorn of all attraction 
Aguinaldo is gradually losing his admirers, if he 
has not already done so. The whole matter seems 
quietly dying out. 

220 



NATIVE LIFE IN MANILA 

The policy of the government was most wise, and 
tho closely watched, there need be no fear, for 
Aguinaldo's wings are dipt, and he will soar no 
more as a hero in the eyes of the people of the Phil- 
ippines. 



221 



XV 

BILIBID PEISON 

Tragedy Enacted in the Old Spanish Prison — Insurrection 
of Prisoners — Escape of Sixty at Malahi Island — Win- 
chester Eifles from the Towers Quash Eevolt — Gatling 
Gun also Takes a Hand — Over in Five Minutes — I Visit 
the Prison Shortly After — Fifteen Killed and Many 
Wounded — Warden Wolf and His Assistant Mr. Stew- 
art Show Me Over the Ancient Prison and Tell Me Its 
History — Houses Largest Number in the World — Forty- 
seven Hundred, and Only One Hundred and Fifty Are 
White — Gangs Sent Out Daily to Work on Roads — Good 
Prison Fare Famous — Natives Would Like Prison Lodg- 
ing if Hard Work Did Not Go Along with It — American 
Indifference — Present Condition of Filipinos Thousand- 
fold Better than in Four Centuries — Future Full of 
Splendid Possibilities — The True Story of a Duck. 

ON the seventh of December, 1904, at the 
historic Bilibid prison, a tragedy was en- 
acted such as had threatened to occur 
many times before. Two hundred convicts at- 
tempted to escape by "rushing" the guard and sca- 
ling the walls, but were prevented by the prompt 
action of the guards, and surrendered peaceably 
after thirteen of their number had been killed and 
forty-one wounded. 

The attempt was probably prompted by the suc- 

222 



BILIBID PRISON 

cessful escape of sixty prisoners at Malahi Island 
a short time before, who were working on a gov- 
ernment contract, guarded by soldiers. One eve- 
ning, when returning from their work in a launch 
to the mainland, at a signal the sixty prisoners 
sprang at the guards, overpowered them by force 
of numbers, and after killing them with their own 
muskets, threw their bodies overboard. Then by 
managing the launch themselves, they made for the 
mainland, and thence escaped to the hills. All but 
sixteen were captured afterward, and these have 
doubtless been "rounded up" long since. 

In this Bilibid prison affair the men who at- 
tempted to escape had all been detention prison- 
ers, mostly murderers, whose cases had been ap- 
pealed, and who were waiting the action of the 
Grand Jury. All were desperate men, with noth- 
ing to lose, who faced the chances of some of their 
number being killed when they rushed to scale the 
walls. 

At two o'clock, after their midday meal and at 
the end of the siesta, when a guard had opened the 
door of the detention ward to get the dinner uten- 
sils, he was struck on the head and fell senseless. 
Immediately two hundred prisoners rushed out of 
the door and across to the blacksmith shop, where 
they intended to arm themselves with pickaxes and 
sledge-hammers, and then, sheltered by the shop, 
climb the wall at the rear. But as they rushed to- 

223 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

ward the shop, the guard on the corner of the wall 
fired his rifle ; the two other guards on that side of 
the wall did the same, and the guard from the cen- 
tral conning- tower was hardly a second behind them. 
These men were all armed with Winchester riot 
rifles, loaded with cartridges containing twelve 
buckshot that scatter over an area of fifteen feet 
at a distance of one hundred and twenty. The 
prison is further fortified against revolt by a Gat- 
ling gun perched in a tower on the main building 
and commanding a sweep of the entire prison en- 
closure. 

Almost simultaneously with the first report from 
the riot rifles, the Gatling spoke, and the shrill 
"zippity-zip-zip' ? of its bullets sang the death-song 
of the Bilibid rebellion. The men were mowed 
down like grain before the scythe; and a flag of 
truce quickly raised fluttered the signal of submis- 
sion. The whole affair, from the bolt out of the 
door to the raising of the flag of truce, consumed 
barely five minutes. 

I arrived shortly afterward at the prison, to pay 
a friendly visit to the warden, and was entirely 
ignorant of the catastrophe. Everything was then 
quiet; the only evidences of the tragedy were thir- 
teen naked Filipinos lying in a row, with arms 
outspread, awaiting identification. While I was 
there this work was being carried on by a guarded 
band from the detention ward. As each man was 

224 



BILIBID PEISON 

identified, he was put into a pine coffin and taken 
away to be buried in the prison cemetery. The 
wounded were placed in the hospital, and assistance 
from outside surgeons had to be asked. The re- 
maining one hundred and forty-six were chained 
and placed in close confinement. 

Through the courtesy of the warden, Mr. Wolf, 
and the assistant, Mr. Stewart, I was shown through 
the prison and told something of its history. Bil- 
ibid was the prison used for the whole province in 
Spanish times, and under that rule was the scene 
of many tortures of prisoners, and of much cor- 
ruption among officials. Prisoners frequently es- 
caped by scaling the walls, but more frequently by 
bribing the officials. It was said that any man 
could escape if he had the price, no matter what 
his crime. Prisoners were not compelled to wear 
uniforms, so that escape was rendered much easier. 

These non-uniformed prisoners were taken out 
to work on the road, where, as there was no distin- 
guishing feature about them, they very often 
slipt the guard. If the guard had taken out a 
hundred men in the morning, he was supposed to 
return at night with the same number, but if any 
were missing he would round up some other citi- 
zens, who, after spending a night in a cell, had a 
chance to escape on the morrow. 

When the city was captured by the Americans in 
August, 1898, Bilibid prison was taken over just as 

225 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

it was, inmates and all. Many were there against 
whom there was no record of any crime, and a for- 
mer Spanish custom is said to have been that if a 
man had an enemy or wished to wreak vengeance 
on any one, he would buy that man's entrance into 
Bilibid on some trumped-up charge, or on none 
at all. 

The American government has done wonders in 
reorganizing and improving the prison and to-day 
Bilibid houses the largest number of prisoners in 
the world confined in one enclosure. There are 
about forty-seven hundred, of whom only one hun- 
dred and fifty are white. 

Gangs are sent out daily to work at all sorts of 
labor on the streets or in grading land. So many 
changes and improvements are going on constantly 
that they have plenty of work. The midday meal 
is brought to them wherever they are working. 
They have an hour to rest. At four they are 
returned to the prison, and here a curious cere- 
mony takes place. All the convicts are marched 
into the central enclosure, those who have been 
out being thoroughly searched. At the command of 
the bugle they form into companies and the band 
plays "The Star Spangled Banner.' ' All the con- 
victs uncover and salute Old Glory as it comes down 
from the staff where it has fluttered all day. 

Then they form in line and receive their supper, 
each man getting his share in a tin plate. They 

226 



BILIBID PRISON 

inarch past stations where it is served, several sta- 
tions being active at the same time, and with such 
regularity that the entire forty-seven hundred in- 
mates receive their meal inside of fourteen min- 
utes. The supper consisted of an excellent stew 
made from Australian frozen beef, potatoes and 
onions, together with a large piece of good wheat 
bread. They are marched into quarters to eat. 

The good fare at the prison is famous among the 
natives, and might be an inducement to crime, if 
the antidote of hard work did not go with it. For 
hard work is something that a Filipino wishes to 
have nothing to do with. On the day of my visit 
the flag ceremony was omitted because the prison 
band had been almost put out of commission on ac- 
count of about thirty of the members having been 
" among those present" in the shooting affair ear- 
lier in the day. 

I had been quite imprest with the whole affair, 
and was surprised at the indifference with which 
Americans who were old residents of Manila treated 
it. I was speaking of it in the evening to an Amer- 
ican lady who had lived there five years, and she 
asked me how many had been killed. I told her 
thirteen, but more might die from their wounds. 
"Is that all?" she exclaimed. "What a pity!" 

This seemed to be the general sentiment, and 
when seeking an explanation I learned that Amer- 
icans have become so accustomed to sudden out- 

227 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOKLD 

breaks of Filipinos, to their foolishness in following 
any leader who sets himself up, and to their gen- 
eral unreliability, that they have become weary and 
impatient of the whole problem. To one who lives 
there the idea of self-government seems a hopeless 
chimera. Certainly their present condition is a 
thousandfold better than in the four centuries pre- 
ceding American occupation, while their future 
holds out possibilities of prosperity and happiness 
heretofore undreamed of. 

When we took the steamer from Manila to Hong 
Kong, we were reminded of an anecdote told by my 
dear friend Colonel Theodore C. Marceau, who is 
a famous raconteur of amusing experiences encoun- 
tered during his travels in every part of the world. 

Several years ago, when Colonel Marceau was in 
Manila, then under Spanish rule, the most popular 
restaurant was kept by a Malay, with manners of 
ingratiating and oily politeness. The restaurant 
was on the roof of a flat building, and a really 
delightful place to dine in the cool and bracing 
evening which follows a day of heat in Manila. 

A constant attendant in this restaurant was one 
of the Malay's pets, a big white Peking duck, almost 
the size of a goose, which wandered among the 
tables begging for bits of food. He was a welcome 
guest at every table, his beseeching little " quack, 
quacks" being always met with donations of bread 
or meat. 

228 




Two Old Roosters 



A Rope- Walk 



A Filipino Mother 
"Mayer" Brown's Residence and Carriage 



BILIBID PRISON 

Within a very few days after the dashing 
Colonel's arrival, every one noticed that the duck 
paid attention to no one else, but camped out per- 
manently beside the Marceau table. This was due 
to surreptitious feedings of candy and champagne, 
which produced an affection of such fervor on the 
part of the duck that his Malay owner presented 
him to the Colonel with a grand flourish, and as 
a farewell token of his esteem. 

The presentation was made on board the steamer 
immediately prior to her departure for Hong Kong, 
so there was nothing to do but accept the bird, and 
let chance decide what might be done with him 
later. 

The Captain decided that to make a feast of him 
would be best, for surely a duck fattened on candy 
and champagne must be dainty eating. But Jim, 
as the bird had been christened, took possession of 
the deck with such sang-froid and made such 
good friends with all, following them about like 
a dog, or laying his head on their knees with soft, 
friendly little " quack, quacks" that there was no 
one on the boat who would hear of sacrificing Jim. 

So throughout the trip he paced the decks like 
an admiral, the favorite alike of passengers and 
crew. 

Arriving at Hong Kong, there arose the important 
question of what was to be done with Jim. It was 
finally decided to return him to Manila to his 

229 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WOELD 

former owner, where he might lead the life of a 
Sybarite, living on the fat of the land. 

Colonel Marceau found that another steamer was 
sailing almost immediately for Manila, and inter- 
viewed the Captain about taking Jim with him. 
The Captain declared he had no license to carry 
live stock and the only way he could go would be 
as a passenger. The Colonel did not wish Jim to 
fall into the hands of Chinamen, who are particu- 
larly fond of smoked duck, so he booked a passage 
for the bird, beyond question the first time on 
record that a duck has traveled as a first-class 
passenger. 

On the list he was booked as Jim Pagensis, the 
name being purely an airy flight of imagination 
on the part of the Colonel, who, as he watched the 
steamer carrying his former pet back to Manila, 
wished him ' ' sunny skies ! ' ' 



230 



XVI 
A PARTING GLIMPSE OF CHINA 

Harbor of Hong Kong — A Beautiful Sight — Terraced Hill- 
sides — Busy Wharves and Female Coolie Laborers — A 
Wonderful City — Handsome Eesidences at the Peak — 
Beautiful View — Grabbing Real Estate — The Boy, the 
Apple, the Sixpence, and the Bible — ' ' I '11 Make a Poli- 
tician of Him ! ' f — i * You 're a Hog, and You '11 Never 
Get Over It ! ' ' — Americans Unwelcome — They Are Fair 
Game for Extortion and Robbery — We Are Invited to 
Dine with Mr. Wei Yuk — Are Carried Up the Peak 
by Coolie Bearers — A Palatial Residence and a Princely 
Repast — Charming and Cultivated Hosts — How a Chi- 
nese Lady of High Rank Dresses — Splendid Jewels. 

FROM the enervating heat of Manila to the 
cool and comparatively bracing climate of 
the hilly island of Hong Kong was a grate- 
ful change. The harbor, hemmed in by rugged 
hills up the sides of which are terraces with hand- 
some buildings and residences, one above the other, 
is a beautiful sight. The face of the water is dotted 
with every imaginable craft, from the little sampan 
and the clumsy junk to the great English war-ship 
sitting grim and gray on the water like a sort of 
aquatic bulldog. 

It is a busy scene at the landing, for ships, junks 

231 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

and river steamers are being loaded and unloaded, 
and hundreds of coolies are hurrying between the 
wharves and the go-downs on the opposite side of 
the street, all the work being attended by the shout- 
ing, pushing and wild excitement that seem to be 
inseparable from the performance of any labor in 
China. Many of these coolies are women, who are 
a class by themselves and follow the trade from 
mother to daughter. 

At first it is difficult to distinguish them from 
the men, but they can be recognized generally from 
their broad-peaked hats and the superior neatness 
and completeness of their dress. The fact that 
many of them wear a bracelet on one arm is not 
much help in distinguishing the sexes, for many of 
the men wear the same, and earrings, too. 

Hong Kong is a wonderful city, constructed as 
it is on a hillside, with a fine series of walks wind- 
ing in and out about the hill along the sides and 
at the foot of which Hong Kong proper is built. 
When Great Britain grabs a piece of real estate 
she generally displays good taste. Hong Kong is 
as handsome a piece as could be found anywhere 
for the purpose of showing off a city. 

In a suburban tram-car in London that I once 
got into, the seats were all full except one — a 
vacant place. A man, very drunk, hanging to a 
strap tried to sit down. Another man, not relishing 
a beery companion, spread himself all over the 

232 



A PARTING GLIMPSE OF CHINA 

seat The "jag" steadied himself, pulled himself 
together and asked the man to "move up." He re- 
fused. "You're drunk! "said he. "That's right!" 
replied the "jag," with some difficulty, "I'm-— hie 
— drunk, but I'll get over it. You're a — hie — hog, 
but you'll never get over it." 

The view from Hong Kong is extended and un- 
usually beautiful, but I was glad I did not live up 
there and have to use the cable-tram every day, 
for it is a rather harrowing experience, the grade 
is so steep, and an unpleasant buzzing like the 
pressure of water is left in one's ears for a long 
time afterward. 

The houses and buildings on the peak were all 
built from material that was carried up by coolies, 
a great number of them women. They received 
pitiful wages, and it was cheaper to have them carry 
the material up than to send it up by the tram. Be- 
ing an English possession, Hong Kong is essentially 
an English city. Some years ago, when Great Britain 
and China fell to fighting over the opium trade, 
China got the worst of it, and the English got 
Hong Kong. They immediately proceeded to re- 
construct it according to approved English meth- 
ods. They even gave it an English name, Victoria, 
by which it is called and known in government 
circles, but the good old Chinese name is preferred 
by the masses, even English ship-captains who 
abound in the port giving the royal name the go- 

233 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

by. In methods, customs and sentiment Hong 
Kong is thoroughly English, altho there are enough 
resident Germans to support a fine club. 

Americans are greatly in the minority in Hong 
Kong and inclined to keep to themselves for many 
reasons. To American people who contemplate a 
visit to the Far East a word of warning in regard 
to Hong Kong will not be amiss, for while it may 
not help matters, they would at least in some meas- 
ure be prepared for the hold-up they will encoun- 
ter there. 

In the first place, no more unwelcome visitor can 
go to Hong Kong than an American, and he is 
looked upon as fair game. The hotel is, without 
exception, the worst in the East and charges the 
most exorbitant prices. The only thing lacking in 
the make-up of these prices is a black mask and 
a pistol. 

The manager, recently a steward on one of the 
P. & 0. steamers, acknowledges that the hotel was a 
failure with stock selling at about eight dollars a 
share, until about four years ago, when the opening 
of the Philippines gave a boom to business to the ex- 
tent that there has not been a vacant room since, 
and the stock, if it can be bought at all, has ad- 
vanced to par. Yet in spite of this, Americans are 
unwelcome and treated with scant courtesy. 

A feature of the town are the sedan-chairs. There 
are no horses, with the exception of polo ponies, 

234 



A PARTING GLIMPSE OF CHINA 

but they are never driven, driving being impossi- 
ble up and down the dizzy slopes. It is just as 
much out of the question for 'rickshas, which are 
only used in the level part of the city along the 
water-front. There is also an electric trolley that 
runs through this part of the town. Chairs, how- 
ever, reign supreme on the mountain. They are 
very comfortable, being for the most part like rat- 
tan armchairs, with carrying poles laid on the 
shoulders of two, or four, stout coolies. It is really 
very pleasant to go swaying along up and down 
steps as easily as on the sloping path. 

We were so fortunate as to see something of the 
inner social life of the Chinese through the cour- 
tesy of Mr. Thomas McAran of Hong Kong, who 
introduced me to Mr. Wei Yuk, a prominent banker 
and one of the two Chinese members of the English 
Board of Governors of Hong Kong. Mr. McAran 
very kindly took me to call on the banker, and that 
evening a coolie brought a beautifully engraved 
invitation from Mr. and Mrs. Wei Yuk requesting 
the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. M. P. W. 's company 
at dinner the next evening. 

Of course we accepted, as it was a rare opportu- 
nity to see the real thing in Chinese swelldom. 
The occasion was a beautiful affair. I look upon 
it as one of the most interesting episodes I have 
the pleasure of remembering. Of course, we put 
on our best bib and tucker, and were carried up 

235 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOKLD 

the steep peak in chairs on coolies' shoulders to the 
fashionable residential part of the city to Mr. Wei 
Yuk's handsome marble residence (to say palace 
would be no misnomer), which is called Braeside. 
The explanation for this name is that Mr. Wei 
Yuk learned his English (which he speaks exqui- 
sitely) in Edinburgh, from whose university he was 
graduated, having been the first Chinese child ever 
sent out of China to be educated. His house is very 
English in its appointments, and there are apart- 
ments truly Chinese, but we saw only the drawing- 
and dining-room, which were very English indeed. 
There were present besides the host and hostess 
their two daughters, two sons, a niece, Mrs. Wei 
Yuk's brother and brother-in-law, and a few Eng- 
lish and Americans. Mrs. Wei Yuk spoke no Eng- 
lish, but was very gracious and charming and en- 
tirely without the reserve I had expected to find 
in a native Chinese. 

Mr. McAran told me our hostess was an example 
of the highest type of Chinese lady. She was a 
large woman, tall and stout, and her feet, about 
four inches long and two wide, were encased in 
little satin shoes of a color that ladies would call 
cerise, and embroidered and sewed with seed-pearls. 
I will endeavor to make my description of the rest 
of her costume intelligible to my lady readers. 

She wore as a principal garment a long jacket 
of plum-colored brocade, beautifully embroidered 

236 




Residence of a Chinese Gentleman 

Chinese Junks and a Pagoda 
On a Native Barrow A Street in Canton 



A PARTING GLIMPSE OF CHINA 

about the edges, over wide trousers of black satin, 
with an embroidered blue band at the hem. Her 
jacket was fastened with buttons of carved pink 
coral that would have made an American girl jump 
out of her shoes to possess. Her head-dress was the 
usual black satin cap worn by Chinese married 
women of every class, Marie Stuart in shape, with- 
out a crown, just a band, curving to fit the head, 
her beautiful hair neatly coiled round and round. 
This cap is generally ornamented according to the 
means of the wearer with jade and pearls. Our 
hostess had the usual ornaments, but beautifully 
carved and set with whole pearls. Besides these 
there was pinned in front a diamond sunburst much 
bigger than the lady's little fist, and atop of the 
rising sun an enormous emerald larger than a 
nickel, surrounded by diamonds. Her earrings, 
were diamond solitaires as big as marrowfat peas, 
with long pendants of jade. Her hands were cov- 
ered with rings — circles of pearls and diamonds. 
In short, the lady was what one might call an Ori- 
ental flashlight. 

Her married daughter and little daughter, eleven 
years old, were both in pink brocade with gorgeous 
pearl ornaments and earrings. Her niece was in 
white brocade, with ornaments of diamonds and 
jade. Her brother-in-law is one of the few million- 
aires in China, and made his fortune in flour mills. 
Her brother, a very much Buropeanized Chinaman, 

237 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

being a graduate of Oxford, had just returned from 
England, where he had been living since a child. 
He was truly British in clothes, accent, and all, 
even his cue having been cut off. He carried on 
the conversation between us and our hostess, inter- 
preting for the trio. 

The table was beautifully decorated. Instead of 
a centerpiece there were two dozen or more small 
silver vases scattered over the table, filled with flow- 
ers. The service was certainly all that could be de- 
sired, a Chinese servant in blue linen gown stand- 
ing behind each chair. 

The dinner was modified Chinese and very good. 
With very few exceptions the dishes were most pal- 
atable to Western taste — and several, such as roast 
beef and fruit salad, were distinctly European. It 
was altogether a novel and interesting affair. 



238 



XVII 

CANTON, AND TRIP FROM HONG KONG 
TO CEYLON 

Medieval City of Canton — Chinese Pagodas of A. D. 1400— 
Civil Service Examinations — Education the Only Patent 
of Nobility — General Grant Most Honored American — 
Actors Outcasts and Pariahs — City of the Dead — Sha- 
meen — Macao — Grotto of Camoens — Eastern Monte 
Carlo — Missionaries Unpopular — Americans Not — The 
Future Alone Can Tell! — Christmas Dinner on Board 
the "Prinz Eitel Friedrieh M — Pooling for Presents — 
Brilliant and Beautiful Table Decorations — Dinner 
Served in Processions — The Very Swell Gravy-Bearer — • 
Songs of All Nations — The Towering Christmas Tree 
and Its Presents — Christmas Day at Singapore — A Hot 
Old Time, if Nothing Else. 

FROM Hong Kong a fine river steamer, with 
every accommodation that even the most fas- 
tidious could desire, takes you to Canton, one 
of the oldest and the most characteristically Chi- 
nese cities within reasonable distance of the coast. 
It lies about a hundred miles up the Pearl River, 
and the trip is most interesting. "When one sees 
this old medieval city where every custom in dress, 
manners, trade, and every phase of life dates from 
the middle ages; where the six- feet- wide streets 

239 



SMILING 'EOUND THE WORLD 

swarm and swelter with three million inhabitants, 
one feels that here the heart of China beats. 

Canton, in spite of its dirt, in spite of its myriad 
and insistent smells, is fascinating. The ordinary 
sights of street-life are like a kaleidoscope for 
change and color. A tall and stately pagoda to be 
seen is the "flow-ly" pagoda, as your guide will 
tell you. Another, known as the five-story pagoda, 
was built in the year 1400, and stands at the point 
of the citadel, the culminating point of the city 
wall, the ramparts of which are decorated with 
grotesque little cannon of a bygone age, resting in 
worm-eaten and rotting wooden gun-carriages. 

Another sight is Examination Hall, an institution 
peculiarly Chinese. Here are 7,500 cells in rows, 
the fronts open to the air. They are only four feet 
by three, and their sole furniture is a couple of 
boards, laid crosswise, one for a seat and the other 
for a writing-desk. Civil Service examinations here 
take place for the whole province. Students who 
wish to compete enter a cell, where they remain for 
three days and nights, absolutely alone, guarded by 
soldiers, who see that they have no communication 
with each other or with any one outside. 

The examination lasts nine days altogether, in 
groups of three, with intervals of three days in 
between, when the students may go outside. The 
experience is exceedingly arduous, for there is no 
opportunity for comfortable sleep, and the tests are 

240 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

very severe. It is the ambition of every man to pass 
this examination if he can. Some students have been 
known to go there every three years for thirty years 
without passing. Out of perhaps six or seven thou- 
sand never more than three hundred pass, and gen- 
erally a much smaller number. 

A man who passes is eligible for any magisterial 
office in the provincial government. If he is still 
more ambitious, and can pass the examination at 
Peking, he is eligible for metropolitan offices. In 
China education is the only patent of nobility. In 
this respect it is one of the most democratic coun- 
tries in the world, for a man may rise from the low- 
est rank to a high position. 

In some little village where there is found a boy 
of exceptional promise, every person in the village 
will deny himself to contribute toward his educa- 
tion. Chinese villages are generally composed of 
people who all have the same surname, and are 
therefore claimed as of one family. All are de- 
voted unselfishly, heart and soul, to the advance- 
ment of one of their members. If the boy passes the 
local examination, he is then prepared for the 
higher one in the head city of his province. Should 
he pass this, and then the highest one in Peking, 
he is endowed with the right to hold any high office 
— a right such as birth could never give him. He is 
never looked down upon for his humble birth, but 
rather lauded for ability to rise above it. General 

241 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Grant is the American whom the Chinese have 
elected to honor and admire most, and their par- 
ticular reason for commendation is the fact that he 
rose from the people. 

Only three castes are excluded from competing 
in the examinations — barbers, actors and chiropo- 
dists, who are prohibited from most things, as well 
as their descendants, for three generations. There 
is thus a vast difference between the English and 
American actors and the Chinese Thespian, who is 
an outcast and pariah forever. 

The civil rank, for which the examination fits a 
man, is the highest in China, the army and navy 
next, and the merchant the lowest of all. But first 
and foremost among them all is the farmer, for in 
Chinese estimation who so worthy of commendation 
as the man who produces food ? 

In Canton there is a building, or collection of 
buildings, known as the City of the Dead. It is a 
succession of courts, one leading into the other, and 
lined with rooms, the fronts being entirely open. 
The Chinese seldom bury their dead, having a pref- 
erence for building little tombs over the coffins 
above the ground. 

This building in Canton expresses the same idea 
on a larger scale, for each room is practically a 
tomb. The coffin is laid on a pair of trestles at the 
back of the room, and usually shaded by a curtain. 
In front of this is a chair, on which a tablet com- 

242 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

memorating the dead person is placed. In front of 
the chair is a table with three large candlesticks, 
flower-vases, offerings to the spirit of the departed, 
consisting of flowers and fruit in little dishes, and 
a cup of tea which is placed there fresh every day 
by devoted relatives and descendants. 

These rooms and their appointments vary in rich- 
ness according to the rank of the dead. In one 
small and mean room we saw a magnificent lacquer 
coffin that had cost originally three thousand dol- 
lars and in which rested the wife of a former vice- 
roy, whose descendants had become too poor to pay 
the room-rent. The keepers had therefore put the 
coffin into a small room, in order to rent for a good 
price the large and ornate one it had formerly occu- 
pied, but they could not put the coffin out of the 
building on account of the exalted rank its occu- 
pant had once held. 

On the walls of some of the rooms were long 
pieces of rice-paper with printed tributes to the 
virtues and high qualities of the occupants, hung 
there by admiring and sorrowing friends. In one 
room these testimonials were further augmented by 
a gorgeous testimonial painted on the wall. Here 
the tenant, having attained the venerable age of one 
hundred and four years, was worthy of every act 
of veneration and worship, not only from her own 
descendants^ but from any chance passer-by. The 
only room that was locked was one in which with 

243 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

the tenant was her splendid and costly wardrobe 
preserved in a chest under the coffin. 

The courts within the building were beautifully 
clean, a notable exception in Canton, and were 
decorated with bright pots of growing chrysanthe- 
mums in full bloom. It was not at all a gloomy or 
depressing place to visit. The sun was allowed to 
enter, and the close and personal association seem- 
ing to exist between the dead and their relatives 
took away that feeling of remoteness and separation 
that generally accompanies death. 

The foreign quarter in Canton, known as the 
Shameen, is a pretty little island, separated from 
the native city by a thirty-foot canal, and kept as 
neat and bright with flowers and well-swept walks 
as a private park. The consulates are all here, as 
well as resident foreigners who have business in- 
terests in Canton. 

Another interesting trip from Hong Kong is to 
the old Portuguese settlement of Macao. Fine boats 
make the trip in three hours. It is a little old- 
world city, with a native Chinese city at its feet. 
It has pretty walks along the sea, and plenty of 
churches and priests, for it is essentially a mission 
settlement. At a high point stands the imposing 
ruin of St. Paul's Church, which was destroyed by 
a typhoon in 1674, and has never since been rebuilt. 

One of the principal places of interest is the gar- 
den and grotto of Camoens, the great Portuguese 

244 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

poet, who wrote one of his poems in this little rocky- 
grotto while on a visit to Macao. 

Gambling prevails everywhere, for it is not pro- 
hibited, as in Hong Kong. One gambling-house 
after another is ranged along the streets with 
crowds of Chinamen clustered about tables where 
the game of fan-tan is in progress. Those who 
can not get near the table lean from a balcony over- 
head and let down their money in little baskets on 
the end of strings. 

A lottery is also in operation at Macao, and ap- 
parently it is a lucrative enterprise. About eighty 
per cent, of the government revenues are derived 
from gambling monopolies and the lottery. These 
enormous returns not only support Macao, but re- 
vert in part to the home government at Lisbon. In 
Portugal and her colonies the Church is on the 
government pay-roll, so that in Macao the Church 
and missions are supported by the lottery and 
gambling-houses. 

These Catholic missions from Portugal, as well as 
those from France and Germany, seem to be suc- 
cessful in converting the Chinese. It is only a 
short step from the Buddhist to the Catholic Church 
in the matter of ceremony and altar decorations, for 
these are about all that appeals in either Church to 
the average Chinese. There are many other points 
of similarity. For instance, both Churches have 
priests with gowns and shaven heads. Both have 

245 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

candles burning on the altar and incense. In the 
Buddhist temple are images of Buddha and the 
Goddess of Mercy, corresponding to Christ and the 
Madonna, and Buddhists recite their prayers with 
rosaries. 

It is hard to convert a believer in Confucius, 
especially if he be an educated man, for he not only 
knows his own religion, but very likely more about 
Christianity than the one who is trying to convert 
him. He will point out weak places and inconsist- 
encies with an unerring finger. 

Missionaries in China are not popular, as is gen- 
erally known. The reason for this is not clearly 
understood and possibly never could be explained 
satisfactorily. The Chinese reasoning is many-sided 
and complex, but probably the heart of the difficulty 
lies in the fact that the Chinese are conservative, 
they glory in knowing that they are the oldest liv- 
ing nation, save Egypt, and resent innovations of 
any kind. 

Too many of the missionaries approach the peo- 
ple in a way that antagonizes them, preaching doc- 
trine rather than simple ethics, such as they can 
understand. Then, too, many of them take refuge 
under their flag, whatever it may be, and after 
fomenting some doctrinal war between two fac- 
tions appeal to justice in the name of their country. 
Reparation is made in grants of land, when they 
are calmed and placated; but to the Chinese this 

246 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

is only one more cause of resentment against them. 
Not all are guilty of enmity, but the most are not 
discriminating and class all missionaries together. 

The Americans are probably better liked in China 
than any other people. It is well to know that the 
strongest reason for this is because they show no 
disposition to preempt Chinese territory, a com- 
plaint the Chinese have against almost every other 
nation. It was rather a blow to them when Amer- 
ica took the Philippines, for these islands are un- 
comfortably near their country ; but when they real- 
ized that the Americans seemed quite satisfied and 
not inclined to widen their possessions, moreover the 
Philippines being more like a foundling left on their 
door-step than a desired territory, they recovered 
their old trust and friendliness. 

Another strong bond between China and Amer- 
ica is the fact that there is a treaty to the effect 
that it shall be unlawful for any American to traf- 
fic in opium, for the Chinese resent the importation 
of the drug, tho they are powerless to prevent the 
English from doing so. They tried to prevent it 
some time ago, with the result that they lost Hong 
Kong and the English lion put a paw on one corner 
of the Flowery Kingdom. 

The Chinese love their country, and tho not a 
warlike nation, they nevertheless resent foreign 
encroachments with bitterness. The American idea 
of staying at home and minding one 's own business 

247 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

in regard to territory appeals strongly to the 
Celestial. 

They are perhaps the least understood people in 
the world, for they are very subtle, and seldom let 
their real thoughts and feelings be known. But 
they do appreciate and acknowledge the fact that 
America has let them alone, and has some regard 
for them in connection with the opium question. 
The friendly relations between the two nations have 
existed longer probably than most people know. An 
American consulate was established at Canton in 
1798. 

If the missionaries, among whom some, with more 
religious zeal than tact, are always fomenting dif- 
ficulties, had not the privilege of appealing to "the 
flag" and making their little troubles international, 
there would be no reason for anything but the most 
friendly relations between America and China. But 
the future alone can tell what may come. 

The good ship "Prinz Eitel Friedrich" bore us 
bravely from Hong Kong on our way to India's 
coral strand, and also furnished an experience the 
like of which we have known neither before nor 
since. I refer to the Christmas dinner, which we 
ate amid surroundings so truly novel as to seem 
now almost as the passing of a dream. 

The "Eitel Friedrich" was not merely a good, 
stanch ship, she was a magnificently appointed 
steamer ; in short, a floating palace s and the dinner 

248 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

which we ate, each smallest component part thereof, 
from soup to coffee, was laid in at Bremen before 
the steamer sailed. The splendid tree, a big green 
fir, had been cut in Japan and lay strapped to the 
lower deck, lest some sudden cataclysm of the ele- 
ments might roll it overboard and cheat us of what 
proved to be the most enjoyable part of our Christ- 
mas feast. 

It was understood before leaving Hong Kong that 
the most important part of the festivities, i. e., the 
presents, should be purchased there. So a pool was 
formed and the presents, selected and purchased by 
a person who was detailed for the purpose, were 
handed up the ship's side in packages on the end 
of sticks or dangling from strings, or in small, 
butterfly nets, so that a lottery effect was main- 
tained, and no one could know what his neighbor 
held. This mode of procedure provoked hearty 
laughter and much curiosity as to the ultimate fate 
of the gifts, each one being securely wrapped until 
the eventful day should arrive. 

The 24th of December dawned — not, as we should 
say in America, clear and cold — but muggy and hot. 
Clothing, even of the thinnest sort, seemed super- 
fluous ; exertion, even the mildest, sent little streams 
of moisture trickling down toward one's shirt-collar. 
But, never mind, it was Christmas — dear, old 
Christmas Eve, and if we were 6,000 miles, more or 
less, away from home, we were not going to have 

249 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

any the less pleasure and happiness. So we donned 
our bravest attire and, summoned by the bugle, 
made our way with the rest of the passengers, also 
in full dress, to the dining-saloon. 

Here a scene of marvelous beauty burst upon our 
eyes. But don't ask me to describe those tables. The 
whole length of the saloon was decorated and twined 
and blazoned with potted plants and vines, garlands 
and flags, the whole being set off by a most in- 
genious and beautiful arrangement of electric 
lights, that peeped out from every leaf and fold and 
dish, as tho some fairy wand had touched them into 
glittering wonder. Little Swiss chalets, set amid 
snows of cotton and spangled ice-fields, gleamed 
with lights in every tiny window; cascades ran 
down through little ice-gorges lit up with firefly 
gleams; the hearts of Christmas roses sent out 
flashes of beauty; while at the head of the table 
was a snow man of lifelike size and proportion, 
whose smile was as broad as his ample form. Truly, 
it was a wonderful sight. 

And the dinner — well, I have eaten many din- 
ners and many Christmas dinners, but this was ab- 
solutely unique. The cuisine of the German steam- 
ers is world-famed, and justly so. Another cele- 
brated line almost starves you to death in highly 
genteel manner. The insular exclusiveness of this 
ancient line, like that of another much overrated 
one, has wrung the stomach and bled the pocket of 

250 



CANTON— HONG KONG TO CEYLON 

the wayfarer for nearly half a century; while the 
chilly hauteur of its officers has sent many a pas- 
senger to his berth with a frigid heart. Rudyard 
Kipling says that if you want a favor of one of 
these magnates, you must stand on your head be- 
fore the chief officer and wave your feet suppli- 
catingly in the air. 

The serving of the Christmas dinner was truly 
fine. The procession of waiters reached from the 
dining-table to the kitchen, and each course was 
brought in with as much pomp as tho it were a ban- 
quet to Old King Cole as we see it pictured in chil- 
dren's holiday books. 

The oysters, soup, and fish, each had a separate 
procession, and the turkey — ah ! that turkey ! borne 
aloft on a platter, accompanied by all the " trim- 
mings/ ' each with a separate bearer; while the 
gravy ! — here words fail me. How shall I describe 
the gravy-bearer ! A youth with solemn brow and 
stately step, who bore aloft upon one hand the dish 
of gravy as tho it were an offering to royalty. In 
the matter of style, he certainly was everything to 
the gravy! 

With the dessert and coffee, song and merriment 
burst forth. Every conceivable Christmas glee and 
carol— not omitting the good old "Tannenbaum" 
of the Vaterland which these German officers rolled 
forth with a volume that made the dishes dance — 
was sung. And then, the tree ! 

251 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

This gorgeous piece of work reached from the 
floor up into the ship's lantern, which is the nau- 
tical name for the open dome that rises far up al- 
most out of sight. Every year the decorations are 
brought out from their storing-place and hung upon 
the tree, and most gorgeous are they to behold, glit- 
tering with electric lights and swaying to and fro 
with every motion of the vessel. 

The distribution of presents gave a jolly ending 
to the evening's festivity. Some people got the very 
presents they had bought in contributing to the 
pool, but they enjoyed them just as much. One of 
ours was a handsome silver spoon engraved with 
Chinese characters similar to those on the cane 
which was presented to me by Mr. Wei Yuk in 
Hong Kong, and which mean "long life and happi- 
ness," or something to that effect. 

The next day we arrived at Singapore, and it 
was with indescribable feelings that I stept ashore 
in a glare of tropic sunlight, saying to myself, 
' ' Christmas Day ! it is impossible— I can not be- 
lieve it ! " But it was ; and I smiled as I said to a 
friend, "Well, we're certainly in for a hot old time, 
all right, if nothing else ! ' ' 



x 



252 



XVIII 

SINGAPORE 

The White Man's Grave — Innovations and Improvements — 
Stigma Kemoved — Picturesque Crowd on Wharf — Na- 
tives of Madras Coast — Malays Dislike Work — The 
Sarong and Fez — We Drive Up to the Town in a Ghar- 
ry — Ponies Are Like Dogs — Eubbed Down with a Rag — 
Shrieking for Two Dollars an Hour — Raffles Hotel and 
Raffles Square — Sir Stanford Raffles, Who Secured Sin- 
gapore for England — An Enthusiastic Collector of Native 
Flora and Fauna — The Blow that Deprived Him of 
Wife and Children as Well as His Marvelous Collection 
— Botanical Garden — Chinamen Outnumber Entire Cos- 
mopolitan Population — Fill the Offices and Become 
Thoroughly English — Gorgeous 'Rickshas — Paid in Rice 
— Opium Trade Flourishes — Secret Societies — Penang. 

SINGAPOEE has been called "the white man's 
grave" by conservative foreigners (espe- 
cially of British extraction) who seldom, if 
ever, leave their native shores. But time's lapses 
and the constant innovations and improvements by 
outside encroachment have in great measure re- 
moved this stigma or caused it to be forgotten — at 
least by men of the present generation. 

The city, as we approached it, bore no evidence 
of deadly climatic influences. On the contrary, a 

253 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

picturesque crowd loomed up on the wharf, com- 
posed chiefly of tall, thin Indians, natives, for the 
most part, of the Madras coast, dark of skin and 
clothed in the most motley collection of rags to be 
found outside of a paper factory. These were 
wrapped round them as skirts, or twisted about 
their heads as turbans. The native Malays are there, 
also, but in lesser numbers, for the majority on the 
wharf are stevedores, and the Malay has an espe- 
cial aversion to work. 

The Malay is clothed in a sarong, or skirt, of flow- 
ered muslin, made in Java, and may be further 
distinguished from the Indians by wearing a fez or 
small cap in place of the turban. This is because 
they are all Mohammedans, and a law of their faith 
forbids the wearing of any head-gear that prevents 
their touching the ground with their foreheads. 

From the wharf it is a long drive up to the town, 
a trip taken in a vehicle called a gharry, a square- 
bodied little affair, with room inside for four pas- 
sengers, and enclosed with blinds and gorgeous red- 
and-blue glass windows. 

The driver, usually an Indian in gay rags and a 
turban, crouches on a tiny seat, like a four-legged 
stool, perched somewhere between the dashboard 
and the whiffletree. These rattling conveyances are 
drawn by tiny ponies hardly larger than dogs, that 
are either dejected and tortoise-like, or opinionated 
and obstinate. On the whole, the drivers are rather 

254 



SINGAPORE 

kind to them. When they stop they rub them down 
with bits of rag, and give them a handful of grass 
from a bag tied at the back of the gharry. The 
drivers are never satisfied with their fare and, no 
matter what is given them, always shriek for more. 
They are perfectly brazen in this, and while thrust- 
ing their list of authorized fares under your nose, 
that plainly calls for forty cents an hour, they will 
demand two dollars for an hour and three-quarters, 
calling on heaven to witness that they have been 
twenty miles, are poor, and must have two dollars. 

The principal interest in landing passengers 
seems to center about the Raffles Hotel. We had 
wondered why it bore that name, and after lunch 
decided that it was because in going there one 
takes an awful chance. After this meal we fled 
back to the bountiful hospitality of the German 
steamer, feeling that in nightmares to come we 
should be haunted with memories of that one meal. 

There is also a Raffles Square in Singapore. Seri- 
ously, the name owes its origin to an interesting 
man, Sir Stanford Raffles, who, after long being a 
resident of Penang, recognized the superior ad- 
vantages of the position of Singapore, and secured 
it by treaty for the home government from the Sul- 
tan of Johore. 

Sir Stanford Raffles was an enthusiastic collector 
of native flora and fauna and he arranged to take 
his wonderful collection, representing years of la- 

255 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

bor, back to England, and with it to found a public 
museum and garden. The night before sailing, 
when everything was aboard the vessel, including 
his family, the ship took fire in the harbor and 
burned to the water's edge. It was a frightful blow, 
for he lost his wife and two children, and was 
also deprived of the fruits of the labor of years. 
He eventually went to England a broken-hearted 
man, where after a time he became interested in 
founding a botanical garden in London. But noth- 
ing ever compensated or consoled him for the terri- 
ble catastrophe that had swept so much from him 
at one fell blow. 

There is a very beautiful botanical garden in 
Singapore, and one very similar to it in Penang, 
where not only native flora are represented, but 
specimens from all parts of the world. In a climate 
where the thermometer varies scarcely five degrees 
the year around, standing well in the 80 's — and it 
rains every day — anything will grow. The damp, 
warm climate is like a forcing-house under glass. 

The residences are three miles from the business 
district, and each is surrounded by the most luxuri- 
ant of tropical foliage. When the business men re- 
turn to their homes for dinner they seldom leave 
them again, save for some social function. Conse- 
quently the very comfortable club is dark after 
eight o 'clock, and the supposition is rife that this is 
because it is unsafe to go out after dark in Singa- 

256 



SINGAPORE 

pore. A resident of many years assured me that 
such was not the case, the real reason being that it 
is so hard to return from the residence portion, and 
in such a climate any extra exertion is shunned. 

The population of Singapore is cosmopolitan in 
the extreme. All the white races are represented, 
and from India there are Madrasis, Sikhs, 
Tamils, and Cingalese, and far outnumbering all 
these are the ubiquitous Chinamen, who fill the 
streets, positions where real work is required being 
invariably held by them. They pour into Singa- 
pore and the Malay States at the rate of 200,000 a 
year, and becoming English subjects, settle down 
and make use of all the attendant privileges. The 
ones occupying the positions of clerks, and schroffs 
(and there is no firm in the East without them), 
and those who are conducting their own business, 
take advantage of the English schools for their chil- 
dren, learn the English games of cricket and lawn- 
tennis, and join the militia. 

The Chinese government became alarmed a few 
years ago at the rapidly increasing exodus, and 
asked that those Chinamen who had gone to Singa- 
pore should be allowed to return when they had 
made their fortune. These propositions were met 
with hilarious scorn, the Chinese who had left the 
narrow, unprogressive ways of Mother China be- 
hind refusing to give up their position of English 
subjects with its freedom and privileges. 

257 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WOELD 

The Chinese work in the tin mines, as carpenters, 
laborers, and 'ricksha coolies. They are the only 
race represented in this last-named employment, 
and even with their superior endurance and capacity 
for hard work last only about two years, developing 
pulmonary troubles that kill them very quickly. 

The 'rickshas are very gorgeous in Singapore, be- 
ing painted with golden birds and flowers, and hav- 
ing the shafts bound with silver or brass. There are 
first- and second-class ones, something peculiar to 
the place, and not to be seen elsewhere. They are 
very comfortable and quite large enough to hold 
two. The coolies go stript to the waist, and wear 
a pair of little trunks about ten inches long. 

*The Malay refuses to perform any of the tasks 
mentioned, his pride not permitting him to be a 
coolie, and his general laziness keeping him away 
from the other occupations. The only thing that a 
Malay may be seen doing is climbing coconut-trees, 
which he does by cutting notches ahead of him in 
the trunk. He cuts these with a curved knife called 
a parang; indeed he does many things with this 
knife — using it to slit the leaf and let out a thick 
liquid known as the " toddy," from which a very 
strong spirit is made. This he catches in a gourd 
which his knife has fashioned. He cuts a way 
through the jungle, divides his food, cuts sugar- 
cane and has been known to sharpen a pencil with 
the same instrument. It is also a weapon of offense 

258 



SINGAPORE 

and defense, the latter more necessary than might 
be imagined, for there are many wild animals in 
the jungles of this island. Every year at least three 
tigers that have come over from the mainland are 
killed. 

The Malays are used as outside servants, such 
as gardeners, grooms and coachmen, but never 
as house-servants, the last-named always being 
Chinese. 

The Chinese workingman of any sort always re- 
ceives as part of his wages a certain amount of rice 
and opium. They take the drug steadily in small 
amounts, but there are no dens, and no evil results 
are apparent. 

Opium is imported from India in great quanti- 
ties, the trade being entirely controlled by Chinese, 
who are known as " opium farmers/' and pay the 
government an enormous amount for the privilege. 
There are no customs in Singapore, and this is the 
only source of revenue. The income depends on 
the amount of opium smoked by the Chinese coo- 
lies ; so it is quite certain there will never be a Chi- 
nese exclusion act here. 

That other passion of the Chinese, gambling, is 
forbidden in Singapore. They used to be able to 
go across the channel to Johore, and indulge in 
their propensity for that sport, but lately it has 
been forbidden there also. Ali Baker, Sultan of Jo- 
hore, is a genial, easy-going mortal, a well-known 

259 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

figure in London, where he spends much of his time, 
and is known as Mr. Baker. 

Another Chinese institution for some time pro- 
hibited by the government are the secret societies, 
that used to be very strong and have unlimited con- 
trol over their members. A few are permitted still, 
but they are only those that are essentially mutual 
benefit societies. Some of the strength that once 
made the principal society powerful remains, how- 
ever. Members are sworn to help one another. Pro- 
fessional bailors are provided to bail out any mem- 
ber who has been apprehended under the law. 
Any fugitive fleeing from justice may place his 
shoes at the door of a fellow member, when, if they 
are put one on top of the other, he knows it is a 
sign that he may take refuge there. 

Their signs of recognition are governed by the 
numeral three. Three glasses placed at table in a 
certain manner will declare one member to another, 
or a cup of tea if passed while held in three 
fingers. 

Penang has practically all the leading character- 
istics of Singapore, with perhaps the addition of a 
little more picturesqueness, larger groves of the 
stately coconut-palm, and a more vivid showing 
of color on the wharves, where the stevedores ap- 
pear to be partial to red flannel shirts. The thought 
can not be resisted that possibly these gorgeous gar- 
ments found their way to the backs of these heathen 

260 



SINGAPORE 

from societies of excellent ladies, who seem to think 
that such contributions aid in the spread of religion. 
The varied and seething life of these Straits Set- 
tlements is a fascinating study, and one deserving 
more than a passing glance, which is all I have been 
able to give them. 



261 



XIX 

CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OP INDIA 

Only Gem of the Sea — Gorgeous Ensemble of Color — Dug- 
out Canoes — Black Tamils — Handsome and Commodious 
Hotel — Mr. Hoffer, an Ideal Hotel Manager, Late of 
the Cecil, London — Head Waiter ' 'Joseph" — Bathing 
at Mt. Lavinia — My Creole Friend of the Isle Bourbon 
— Native Mountain His Sepulcher — Took American an 
serieux — * ' I Have Seen the Sun at Midnight ! ' ' — Giant 
Cat 's-eyes — Snake- Charmers — The Mongoose — Bullocks 
as Pets — Cow is Sacred — Familiar Crows — Variety of 
Native Life and Costume — Cingalese Disdain Labor — 
Tea-Growing: Its Profits — Buried Cities of Ceylon — 
We Escape the Dreaded P. and O. and Embark on the 
German Liner. 

BEAUTEOUS Ceylon! the real and only 
"gem of the sea" — and the tropic sea at 
that. Let not Ireland claim the exclusive 
distinction of being an emerald set in the bosom 
of the ocean blue. For never were such emerald 
greenness, such ocean blueness imagined of Ire- 
land's sons or daughters as adorn and encom- 
pass this beauteous isle of Ceylon. The door-sill 
of India! Well, if India is not proud of her 
threshold— the step over which one passes to her 
mighty and imperial domain — she ought to be. 

262 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

The first impression one receives upon landing 
at Colombo is of glittering blue-and-green goldness. 
I can find no other expressions save these of my 
own coining. The broad esplanade leading to and 
surrounding the huge pink sandstone hotel is made 
up of golden sand, each speck and particle of which 
glistens and glitters like the virgin metal itself. 
The sky and ocean are both of a rich deep blue, 
indescribably beautiful; while the entrancing, daz- 
zling green of the gracefully waving and bending 
palm-trees that fill in the background and partly 
surround the hotel, makes up an ensemble of color 
which I do not believe can be equaled anywhere else 
in the civilized world. 

The harbor of Colombo is plentifully endowed 
with natural advantages, but outside of these the 
English government has constructed an enormous 
breakwater of tremendous strength, as needs must 
be, for during the season of the southwest monsoon 
waves break against it, dashing as high as the masts 
of vessels that have taken refuge behind its pro- 
tecting bulwark. 

Colombo does not look very imposing from the 
water, as it is so embowered in luxuriant foliage as 
to allow only an occasional building to peep out. 
Our attention upon entering the harbor is first at- 
tracted by the fleet of native dugout canoes that 
swarm about the ship, the boys and men paddling 
them wildly, shouting, ' ' Have a dive, have a dive ! ' " 

263 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

and ■ ' One dollar, one dollar ! ' ' tho if only a penny 
is thrown over three or four will dive headlong from 
their tiny crafts, their paddles left floating on the 
water, and in an incredibly short space of time will 
come again to the surface, the successful one 
proudly displaying the coin! They then rescue 
their paddles and leap lightly into their canoes 
without dangerously tipping them or shipping any 
more than the usual amount of water that floats in 
the bottom of each. The canoes being so small a 
certain amount of water is always washed over the 
sides. 

It is amusing to see one of these natives, naked, 
except for a very limited loin-cloth, sitting in the 
bottom of his canoe, paddling with one hand, im- 
ploring money with the other, and kicking the su- 
perfluous water out of the canoe with one foot. 

Upon landing we are immediately struck by the 
fact that the 'ricksha coolies, instead of being the 
ubiquitous Chinamen, such as we had seen from 
Shanghai to Penang, are here lean, black Tamils 
from India, drest in as scanty garments as possible, 
sometimes merely a tape around the waist, with a 
strip of cloth fastened to it at the back, then passed 
between the legs to the tape in front, the end hang- 
ing over several inches. 

Our coolies who pulled us to the hotel stopt at 
the gate, saying they were not allowed to go inside, 
but we had heard of this trick and insisted upon 

264 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

being taken into the portico. After making in- 
quiry of the door-porter as to their proper fare, 
we paid them, only to be met with a storm of in- 
dignant protestations. Only when the money was 
thrown at their feet did they pick it up and go. 
This is quite the usual proceeding, no matter what 
is given them. It happens even if they are much 
overpaid. "We found the hotel a very handsome 
building, beautifully situated directly on the Indian 
Ocean, and surrounded by a grove of green and 
stately coconut-palms. 

The sea with lazy white rollers and smooth beach 
looks like an ideal place for bathing, but we 
were told that bathing was quite out of the ques- 
tion, for any one who attempted it would in a very 
short time be either cut to pieces on the sharp 
rocks just below the surface or he would be de- 
voured by the sharks that inhabit these waters in 
great numbers. 

The hotel has built for the amusement of its 
guests a large and comfortable swimming- tank, filled 
with sea-water that is always kept clean and new. 
The hotel has every convenience, electric lights and 
fans, large, airy rooms, and an excellent table, when 
one considers all the limitations of Colombo. Com- 
pared with the hotels of Hong Kong and Singapore, 
it was perfect. It is blest with a splendid mana- 
ger in Mr. Hoffer, a genial and obliging man, late 
of the Hotel Cecil in London. 

265 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

The head waiter, Joseph, was quite a character, 
and tho an East-Indian, was a Christian and there- 
fore not hindered by scruples of caste from contact 
with all sorts and conditions of men. The fact that 
he was with the Ceylon exhibit at the Chicago Ex- 
position was the grand card with which he im- 
prest Americans. It was rather odd to meet in 
his own country a picturesque Oriental, in spotless 
white with heavy gilt chain and a big disk, and 
crowned with an imposing white and gold-striped 
turban, speaking familiarly of Chicago and New 
York. On the disk that hung down on Joseph's 
snowy linen bosom were the letters H. W., meaning 
Head Waiter. My suggestion that he must be a 
very bad dyspeptic as he couldn't koep a thing 
on his stomach except that disk was a source of 
great amusement to him ; he seemed to derive pleas- 
ure from it for several days, chuckling over it when- 
ever we entered the dining-room. ' 

Many castes wear their distinguishing mark 
painted on the forehead. One day at table I pasted 
a soda-water label on my forehead, saying it was 
my caste mark. I quite convulsed Joseph, but fear 
the Cingalese waiter was rather shocked. 

The beach at Mount Lavinia, seven miles south 
of Colombo, is an enchanting place, over whose 
golden sands the yellow foam rushes and gurgles to 
the little cliff set thick with a long file of bending, 
swaying palms, some of whose long, slim trunks 

266 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

bend forward to the waves at an angle of consid- 
erably more than forty-five degrees. Here bathing 
goes on at all hours. A dip in the Indian Ocean is 
a soul-satisfying experience. The water is not only 
warn ; in some places it is actually hot. But, oh, my ! 
to lie and float dreamily in that bluest of waters, 
with a dazzling greenery of palms to the right, and 
a panorama of sky-line flecked with snowy cloud- 
fleece to the left, and to breathe the gentle, lullaby 
air till you don't care whether you float off to the 
equator or sink to the bottom — yes, sharks or no 
sharks — that is supreme pleasure. 

I was always a little " dopey' ' about the Indian 
Ocean. I once knew a young fellow; he was a 
French Creole, born in the Isle of Bourbon, now 
down on the maps as the Island of Reunion. It is 
right in the heart of the Indian Ocean and not far 
from Madagascar. The way that fellow could reel 
off yarns in Creole French and broken English 
about his natal isle would have made George W. 
Cable, late of New Orleans, turn green with envy. 
He was a handsome chap, and sang divinely; I 
first met him in Paris, where he was singing small 
parts at the Grand Opera. Then I ran across him 
in Cairo, where he was singing in the production, if 
I am not mistaken, of "A'ida." Afterward he went 
to New York with a company that produced "Gi- 
rofle-Girofla" at the Fourteenth Street Theater, 
and a very good company it was. But, in what- 

267 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

ever clime I met him, his theme was the same— his 
beautiful isle and its beautiful ocean. He would 
talk for hours of the "purple fingers of the dawn 
stealing up the rose-vermilion sky" and the huge, 
snow-capped mountain that rose in the center of 
the island and overtopped the city— Port Philip, 
I think, was the name of this seaport-town where 
he was born. 

Well, poor fellow! that same mountain was his 
sepulcher, for on his return to Bourbon a landslide 
carried away one-third of the town and buried 
seven hundred people in the ruins, among whom 
was my young Creole friend whom I never saw 
again. Some of his habits were truly Oriental. 
For instance, he always performed his ablutions 
kneeling on the floor, with a basin of water be- 
fore him; and he was always up to see the sun 
rise, no matter how late he may have gone to bed 
the night before. 

He told many pretty stories of his home and of 
his parents, whose only child he was— the Benjamin 
of their old age, long hoped and prayed for. So 
they named him, when he did come, Desiree (longed 
for). He had a string of other names besides, but 
I've forgotten them. His desire was to see Amer- 
ica and the Mississippi, of which he had read won- 
derful things by Chateaubriand, his favorite author. 
Fortunately, the opera troupe went as far South as 
New Orleans, and there his desire was gratified. He 

268 




A Cingalese Belle 



Indian with Caste Mark 



The Galleface Hotel 
A Native Ferry 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

took everything in America au serieux, and his ad- 
miration almost took the form of awe ; he would as 
soon have thought of ridiculing the Holy Church 
and all the saints as of ridiculing anything Amer- 
ican. As he was of a very happy disposition, he 
would often hum little operatic snatches or Creole 
melodies while jogging along in the horse-cars ; this 
was very delightful to me, until some would-be-wag 
among his New York friends told him that he must 
never do that on Sundays, as the Americans were 
very strict in their religious observances and would 
take it as an insult and probably resent it. Very 
seriously he opened his handsome Oriental eyes and 
in tones of great surprise ejaculated, as he had done 
for the hundredth time, "Wonderful people !" 

A little incident, while it was very amusing, 
showed the romantic side of his nature. The troupe, 
while traveling, stopt at a hotel in a Southern 
city, where a young lady guest attracted much at- 
tention by her hair, which was not only very thick 
and heavy, but of a rich golden color. My Creole 
friend was one of the few who had not seen her and, 
as it happened, no one had spoken to him of her. 
But as he was about to retire one evening, he 
stept into the corridor to say good night to a 
friend and met her face to face, followed by her 
maid, just as the bells of a neighboring church were 
chiming the midnight hour. Saluting the lady with 
a profound bow, as was his foreign custom, he was 

269 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

about to reenter his room when the brilliant gas- 
light, falling full upon the lady, disclosed the fact 
that her magnificent hair was hanging loose about 
her like a mantle and every strand glittering like 
a thread of gold. He stood rooted to the spot, and 
clasping his hands, said in tones of the most fer- 
vent admiration, "I have seen the sun at mid- 
night !" 

"What the deuce is the matter with you?" asked 
his friend. "I have said it!" replied the Creole. 
"I will return to my country and I will tell them 
that in this wonderful America I have seen that 
marvelous sight — the sun at midnight ! ' ' 

It appeared that the young lady's maid had been 
giving her mistress' hair a bath, and the two had 
been sitting on a rear balcony where the warm night- 
breeze had dried the wonderful tresses before they 
came in to retire. This is why I say that I loved 
the Indian Ocean years before I saw it. When now 
I did see it, it brought back these memories of my 
young friend, his charming and ingenuous nature, 
his frank and honest heart. The sage and the gray- 
beard may attract our maturer mind, but youth has 
its ever-compelling charm; therefore, I echo the 
poet's lines: 

"O youth, sweet youth, we love ye! 
There's naught on earth above ye! " 

In the office of the hotel we were importuned by 

270 



CEYLON: THE DOOK-SILL OF INDIA 

merchants of different sorts to patronize their shops 
in the hotel arcade. The first was a jewel merchant, 
of whom there are many in Colombo. Their array 
was really dazzling, and it was rather startling to 
find this particular one, a barefooted Mohammed- 
an, drest as he was in a striped calico skirt and an 
old khaki coat, carelessly dangling in his- hands 
an almost priceless ruby and diamond necklace, 
and to find that besides many beautiful jewels he 
was the owner of the "King" and "Queen," the 
two largest cat's-eyes in Ceylon, possibly in the 
world. He took them from a safe, where they were 
snugly packed in cotton in a gold casket about five 
by four inches in size, the casket being of native 
workmanship, thickly studded with cabachon ru- 
bies, sapphires and pearls. The box, in our estima- 
tion, was far more beautiful than the cat's-eyes, 
which, tho very large, the "King" being over an 
inch long, were of a dull unpleasant green, with a 
sullen light in the center. 

The merchant dealing in Ceylon curios had an 
attractive display, the smallest part of which was 
native. His beautiful carvings, embroideries and 
silks had been imported from Japan, China and 
India. 

The high temperature sends visitors quickly to 
the tailor to order duck suits, which can be bought, 
specially made and fitted, for about $1.60. 

Our attention was attracted by a shrill screeching 

271 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

pipe, blown by an Indian fakir squatting in the 
drive below the veranda, while a big cobra, its hood 
spread, lifted its swaying head and gazed disdain- 
fully around with dull, wicked eyes. 

Another fakir was displaying the trick of making 
the mango-tree grow, while still another was palm- 
ing coins, a small native doll that he manipulated 
a great deal taking the place of the white magician's 
wand, to distract attention. All these tricks were 
badly and clumsily executed, and our estimation 
of the famed Indian fakirs fell accordingly. 

But a most interesting performance was given by 
an Indian with a little mongoose, the hereditary 
enemy of the snake. Any one who has read Kip- 
ling's delightful story of * ' Riki-tiki-tavi " could 
not fail to be interested in this little animal. The 
man offers to sell to a spectator one of the snakes 
he has in a basket and then have the mongoose kill 
it. A small snake is sold for ten cents, about three 
cents American money, while for larger ones the 
prices range from one to ten rupees. The rupee is 
worth about thirty-three cents American money. 

When the snake is put on the ground the little 
mongoose begins to prance and rock from side to 
side. Its eyes turn red with the light of battle and 
its teeth chatter savagely. Loosened from the re- 
straining cord, it pounces with lightning rapidity 
on to the snake, and catching it just back of the 
head with its little sharp teeth, shakes and batters 

272 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

the squirming thing as a terrier shakes a rat, until 
it becomes lifeless. These performances are often 
very tame for the reason that the mongoose is not 
allowed to kill a snake completely, the half-dead 
and torpid thing being used several times, and thus 
sold over and over again. 

The mongoose is treated as a great pet -by its 
owner, being carried about in a bag, or in the front 
of the man's shirt, from which its knowing little 
head peeps out saucily. It has a cord about its 
neck, and when put down to the ground will follow 
like a dog. It looks like a very large gray squirrel, 
the head, particularly, being similar. 

While on the veranda watching these various 
entertainments we saw our baggage approaching. 
It was piled on a heavy creaking two-wheeled cart, 
having a cover of palm-thatch like an old-fashioned 
Shaker bonnet, and pulled by big white sacred 
bulls, stately, slow-stepping animals, with huge 
straight horns, humps on their shoulders and ex- 
pressions of mild intelligence. 

Cattle are used extensively in Ceylon for all sorts 
of vehicles. The public hacks of the second and 
third class, patronized principally by natives, are 
light covered carts drawn by little trotting bullocks. 
These are very small, generally black or brown, 
their skins brocaded in a variety of patterns, having 
been burned when they were calves. This is the 
custom with all the cattle, large or small. Small 

273 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

ones are bred for trotting and can get over the 
ground at a surprising pace. 

Some Europeans keep them for their children, 
and hitched to pretty little covered carts, they take 
the place of the pony-and-governess cart of the 
Western world. Some little girls with a governess 
called at our hotel in a private bullock cart, the 
brightly clad Indian driver seated on the shaft. 
When the children went out after their call they 
earest and petted their little bull, lavishing en- 
dearments upon him, which he accepted compla- 
cently, if indifferently. Some of the natives have 
racing bulls of exceptional swiftness, and have ex- 
citing contests of speed, racing their animals hitched 
to very light two-wheeled carts. All the cattle are 
hitched with a yoke, and guided by ropes passed 
through their nostrils. The cow is sacred, and is 
never killed. When one dies no one disturbs her 
peace ; she is left to lie until some protesting Euro- 
pean has her buried by the town. 

Not the least interesting of the population of Co- 
lombo in point of numbers and noises are the small 
black crows that flock everywhere. They adorn 
every lamp-post, fence, roof, flagstaff, tree and 
statue; every lawn is dotted with them, and their 
cawing is incessant from "morn till dewy eve." At 
first this is rather annoying, but one soon grows ac- 
customed to it, and hardly notices it after a short 

274 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

time. The natives are very careless in regard to 
refuse and crows are excellent scavengers. That is 
why they are tolerated and wax so bold and impu- 
dent. They seem to have no fear of man, nor of 
beast either, apparently ; we saw two of them alight 
on the back and head of a small black bullock that 
was standing under a tree, and after preening them- 
selves and holding a lengthy conversation, they 
flew away. The bullock was evidently used to such 
familiar proceedings, for he never noticed their 
arrival or departure with so much as a wink of his 
eyelids, but went on contentedly chewing his cud. 

These crows are smaller than the American va- 
riety, and have a beautiful peacock sheen on their 
necks. They have a remarkable faculty in tracing 
out anything good to eat, no matter how small, and 
will squabble viciously over a tiny scrap. We saw 
a vender of fruit and sweetmeats put his basket 
down on the sidewalk while he entered a shop. Al- 
most instantly it was surrounded by about a dozen 
crows. The man rushed out shouting, but instead 
of flying away in a panic, as any well-conducted 
birds should, they merely retreated with their 
funny galloping sidestep for about six feet, and 
then sat down and swore at him. Beyond question, 
they are demons — black demons, absolutely with- 
out manners or morals. 

In a drive about Colombo we noticed in the com- 
pounds of many residences that the coconut-palms 

275 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

were bound half-way up the trunk with dry palm- 
leaves, and learned that this was done to prevent 
thieves from climbing up and stealing the coco- 
nuts, as the crackling of the dry leaves would be- 
tray them. 

During such a drive one becomes quite bewil- 
dered by the variety of native life seen, the cos- 
tumes, or in many cases the lack of them, and the 
diversity of color, decoration and ornament, that 
seem to the uninformed merely the result of chance 
or taste, but to those who know they are distinguish- 
ing marks of caste or race, and are signs to be read 
and interpreted as easily as the symbols of heraldry. 

Here may be seen a Buddhist priest with shaven 
head and flowing sulfur-yellow robes, with an 
acolyte following him and carrying a large fan or 
umbrella. A lean black Tamil, with scanty white 
loin-cloth, is followed by a Mohammedan in a high 
cap of woven colors that looks like beadwork. 

I asked one of them if he would sell me his cap, 
and he said he would for fifty rupees. I told him 
I would pay that if he would sell his whiskers with 
it, a suggestion that at first filled him with 
astonishment, and then doubled him up with 
laughter. 

The Cingalese may be readily recognized by their 
long petticoats, long hair done up in a neat little 
knot at the back of their heads, and the semicircu- 
lar tortoise-shell combs worn like a diadem around 

276 



CEYLON: THE DOOR-SILL OF INDIA 

the back of the head. Cingalese women wear funny- 
little short-waisted white sacks, fitted in nicely with 
darts, but leaving a strip of brown skin between them 
and the top of the skirt. They do not wear combs 
like the men, but heavy earrings and hair orna- 
ments, and about their necks gold beads of beauti- 
ful workmanship, often filigree, which cover an 
inside bead of carnelian. Uncut matrix turquoises 
are also popular, and strings of tiny pearls no lar- 
ger than mustard-seeds. 

Tamil women are wrapt gracefully in lengths 
of bright calico that cover them modestly, leaving 
one arm and shoulder bare. They wear heavy or- 
naments of silver; earrings, nose-studs, necklaces, 
rings on fingers and toes, bracelets and anklets. 

The little boys go about free from care and cloth- 
ing, with a silver chain about their waists, from 
which dangles a silver, sometimes a jeweled, orna- 
ment, in lieu of a fig-leaf. These are the children 
of well-to-do parents, and the ornaments proclaim 
that their lack of clothing is from choice, not from 
poverty. 

There are numberless castes among both Cinga- 
lese and Indians, the highest in Ceylon being the 
thief caste, which, while it does not hesitate to steal, 
will honorably pay its own debts and those of its 
relatives. The lowest and most despised caste is 
the shoemaker's — because he works on leather made 
from the skin of the sacred dead cow. 

277 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

All labor is performed by the Indians, the Cin- 
galese disdaining any work except to be house-serv- 
ants. They make fairly good ones, with a pretty 
fair average of honesty, and as they provide their 
own food and sleep on the floor, they do not give 
one much concern. If a person traveling in Ceylon 
has a servant the man will sleep outside the bed- 
room door, flat on the floor, without pillow or blan- 
ket, and enjoy deep and sweet repose, such as some 
who are couched on down would give all their 
wealth for. But it is rather disconcerting to go 
out of one's bedroom, whether early or late, and 
just miss stepping on a recumbent figure, whose 
garments of white look ghostly enough to startle 
even the strongest nerves. 

The food of all employees and servants is sepa- 
rately sent to them, for they would not eat if they 
discovered that by the touch of other than their 
own caste it had been defiled. When it is brought 
to them they retire to some secluded corner to eat, 
in order to guard against the possibility of even the 
shadow of a white person or one of different caste 
falling upon it, which would make necessary their 
throwing it away as defiled. 

The vegetation about Colombo is luxuriant in the 
extreme. The hot moist climate, with rain nearly 
every day, makes a natural forcing-house, and 
every sort of growth flourishes. In the high alti- 
tudes about Kandy and Newara Eliya tea is the 

278 



CEYLON: THE DOOK-SILL OF INDIA 

principal product. A tea plantation is an inter- 
esting place, and a busy one, for a crop is harvested 
every week; only the two tiny top leaves and half 
of the next two underneath are picked. 

When the sturdy little plant first pushes out baby 
leaves — begins to "flush," as the planters say, from 
the delicate pink tinge of these little shoots— it is 
fallen upon by pickers and stript, only to have 
the same fate befall it the next week when the plant 
has made another brave effort. Tea plantations 
usually comprize about four hundred acres, and 
from such an estate two hundred thousand pounds 
of tea may be taken in a year. 

Surely this is a profitable business, for labor is 
cheap, coolies and women receiving about eight 
cents a day, and head men about thirteen cents. But 
a planter assured me that it was heart-breaking 
work, for all the planters were pitted one against 
another; the government gave them no concessions 
in the way of exporting, and hindered them in 
many ways. 

The process of converting the tea-leaf into the 
marketable product has been explained so often 
and so intelligently that it need not be entered into 
here. We were told, altho we did not see it, that 
from some of the high plantations bags of tea- 
leaves were shot down into the valley on a sort of 
wire railway to the factory, thus reaching their 
destination in a few moments ; formerly coolies took 

279 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

several days in carrying them down the difficult 
mountain paths. 

All sorts of devices are used by these planters. 
One told me he always signaled from a train 
by a heliograph to his home fifteen miles away, 
in order to tell his family he was coming, and 
he would always receive a reply by the same 
method. 

From familiar advertisements of Ceylon tea we 
were quite prepared to see upon entering Colombo 
a continuous procession of elephants loaded with it, 
and bound for the steamer. But no such sight 
greeted us. We learned that in Ceylon Sir Thomas 
Lipton is the owner of only one small plantation of 
about two hundred acres, the principal supply of 
his tea coming from other planters who ship it 
themselves, quite regardless of spectacular effect 
and entirely without the aid of elephants. 

The buried cities of Ceylon are naturally of 
great interest, Anurajahpura being the most 
fully reclaimed from the destroying grasp of the 
jungle. Here temples, monuments, water-tanks, 
palaces and buildings of all kinds are being un- 
earthed, slowly bringing to light the remains of a 
great city, that a few centuries ago housed at least 
three million people. At the fairly well-restored 
temple, in the courtyard of which is the ever-living 
sacred bo-tree of Buddha, were hundreds of mon- 
keys, kept there by priests in memory of the monkey 

280 



CEYLON: THE DOOE-SILL OF INDIA 

god, Hanuman, who saved Buddha in the incarna- 
tion of Rama. 

There is something forbidding and disheartening 
about a deserted city of any kind, even a deserted 
mining-camp in our own Eockies, and it is with a 
feeling of relief that one returns to the cheerful 
bustle and noise of Colombo, in time to embark on 
the excellent German steamer in the harbor. A fear 
had haunted us that we might have to go on one of 
those English boats, which provide the worst pun- 
ishment that could befall the most hardened evil- 
doing traveler. Wretched food, cockroaches of 
nightmare proportions, and a frozen hauteur on the 
part of the officers, make these boats the execration 
of those who travel by them. 

As we left the harbor, the band playing merrily, 
we took our last look at Colombo. The red roofs 
and occasional glimpses of white walls peeping from 
the clustering palms, and the craft-dotted harbor, 
showed like a mirage through a silvery sheet of 
tropical rain, and for many reasons we were sorry 
to leave this brilliant little island. 



281 



XX 

CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

History of the Great Ditch — "Le Grand Francais" and 
How He Fulfilled the Oracle's Prophecy for Egypt — 
Monotonous Aspects — Bible Scenes — Enormous Tolls — 
Port Said — The Great Barrage — English Prejudice — 
Mecca Pilgrims — Bewildering Sights and Sounds of 
Cairo — Funeral Mourners — Public Scribes — Shopkeep- 
ers' Bitter Eivalry — Cairene Wedding Procession— The 
Whirling Dervishes — The Howling Dervishes — The Cita- 
del — Tombs of the Califs — The Pyramids and Sphinx 
— Guides All Lie in Seven Different Languages — Incu- 
bators — Spot Where Moses Was Found — Obelisk of Heli- 
opolis — Museum and Mummies — "Well Done, Good and 
Faithful Servant ! ' ' — Eecruiting the Army — The Uni- 
versity — Six Powers with Hand on the Cash-Box — 
Ismail's Mad Legacy. 

ON a fine, cool morning we reached that his- 
toric artery of water that joins the Red 
Sea to the Mediterranean, known as the 
Suez Canal. This unprepossessing " ditch," as it 
has so often been called, has been held responsible 
almost as much as the unbridled extravagance of 
Ismail Pasha for the financial ruin of Egypt and 
her present occupation by foreign powers. 

Despite dire prophecy and centuries of failure — 
for nearly every ruler of Egypt, from Seti, father 

282 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

of Rameses the Great, we are told, to Napoleon 
Bonaparte, has tried his hand at the problem of 
establishing water communication between the Med- 
iterranean and the Red Sea — despite this, the great 
canal has become a fixt fact in the world's his- 
tory. The one-time American Consul-General at 
Cairo, Mr. Frederick Courtland Penfield, ' in his 
charming and instructive book, "Present-Day 
Egypt," lets in much pleasant light upon the 
musty old traditions of the Ancient Land. 

Strabo, now; he's the world's earliest geographer 
and historian, or one of 'em, and I suppose we are 
bound to believe him, even when he says — he must 
have said it, for I've never seen any of his hand- 
writing lying around — Strabo says that, fourteen 
centuries before the Christian era — that's an awful 
long time, Strabo! but I'll not dispute the word 
of a gentleman — Seti cut a canal fifty-seven miles 
long from Bubastis, near the present town of Zig- 
zag — I mean Zagazig — to Heroopolis, at the head 
of the Bitter Lakes, then forming the northern ex- 
tremity of the Suez Gulf. Herodotus — another old- 
timer who juggles with centuries as the circus 
clown juggles with his old hat — says that eight hun- 
dred years later Necho, the Persian, tried a little 
canal-building, keeping at it till the mere trifle of 
a hundred and twenty thousand lives had been sac- 
rificed in the job, and only abandoning it when the 
great oracle of that day (whom he consulted) 

283 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

prophesied that the most dire results would follow 
the completion of the work, and the entire land of 
, Egypt be given over to the stranger and the bar- 
barian. 

A century later, notwithstanding that the proph- 
ecy had been handed down from ruler to ruler, the 
Persian Darius took a hand; but, threatened by 
wise men with a deluge, gave up the job when near 
completion. Then Ptolemy Philadelphus — I'll bet 
he was a slow-coach — B. C. 285, joined the canal 
with the Heroopolite gulf by means of locks, open- 
ing them when a vessel wished to pass. Cleopatra 
tried, a couple of centuries later, to escape with her 
ships to the Red Sea, but it was too tight a squeeze 
even for this lady of many squeezes, the locks being 
rusty from want of use or from not having been 
greased in a century or so, and the Egyptian beauty 
found that her fate must run in other channels. 

Then, successively, the Roman Emperors Trajan 
and Hadrian; the Arabian conqueror Amron; the 
great Napoleon, who held the hollow of the heavens 
in his usurping hand; Mehemet Ali, who had 
butchered four hundred Mamelukes before supper, 
but had not the daring to brave the ancient proph- 
ecy ; French engineers, English engineers, Austrian 
engineers, each and all, tried their hand, but to no 
definite end. They disagreed as to the level of the 
two seas. Napoleon's engineers estimated that the 
Mediterranean was thirty feet below the level of 

284 



CAIRO OP TO-DAY 

the Red Sea, calling for a scheme of sluices and 
locks, but Waghorn, an Englishman, declared that 
the level of the two waters was identical. 

Meanwhile, a young Frenchman was dreaming 
dreams; he was eloquent; he was convincing; and 
he finally convinced Said Pasha that the future 
was lettered big with the name of Ferdinand de 
Lesseps, "le grand Frangais," and that if a con- 
cession were given to him he would make Egypt 
and France both immortal. He got the concession. 
Said cared nothing for the ancient oracle that had 
frightened his grandfather Mehemet, and so Fate 
swept on with her relentless broom and Said was 
gathered to his fathers ; Ismail, the magnificent, the 
extravagant, the prince of immense fortune, suc- 
ceeded his uncle, and also succeeded in plunging 
his unhappy country up to the neck in bonds and 
mortgages galore; Europe stept in; England be- 
came the purchaser of Ismail's personal holdings 
(only twenty million dollars saved from the wreck 
of eighty-five million), which he surrendered to 
his creditors a short time before his dethronement 
and banishment to Naples. 

Ismail, in his brief rule of sixteen years, not only 
incurred a debt of over four hundred million dol- 
lars, says Consul Penfield, but he mortgaged the 
souls of generations of Egyptians yet unborn. And 
thus did the prophecy come true! The ancient 
oracle spake not in vain. The land of the Pharaohs 

285 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

and the Ptolemies, of Alexander and Cleopatra, 
has passed into the hands of the stranger ; and the 
Ancient of Days, as she was in the dim, remote 
ages, is known to us no more. 

Its varied and almost tragic history lends an 
added interest to the dull and monotonous aspect 
that it presents, the flat sandy banks melting out 
into the desert, unbroken save for the occasional 
government stations, a steamer tied to the bank 
waiting for ours to pass, or a collection of mud 
houses belonging to Arabs, whose camels and don- 
keys were tethered near-by. 

At times small boys race along the banks, easily 
keeping pace with the slowly moving steamer, cry- 
ing for "bakshish," to which the passengers and 
crew respond by tossing fruit and packages of food 
and money to them. 

Twice we passed large numbers of workmen who 
were mending the banks, aided by droves of camels 
transporting sand and stone in pannier boxes. The 
men looked very picturesque in flowing burnouse 
and turban, but much too dignified and decorative 
for hard labor. 

Great steam dredgers were frequently seen to be 
working to keep the canal passable for steamers, 
as sand and silt are continually filling it up. The 
expense of keeping the canal in order is enormous, 
but the toll from every vessel is so great that the 
government's profits are beyond the dreams of 

286 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

avarice. Our big German boat was the largest that 
had ever passed the Canal, and her tolls amounted 
to the sum of $17,500 for one trip. Of course she 
had paid the same on her trip out to Australia. 

Port Said is a town of some importance, very 
much larger than Suez, but in the flying glimpse 
we caught of it in the course of a wild early-morn- 
ing ride to catch the train for Cairo, we were im- 
prest by its dirt and noise more than by anything 
else. The single point of real interest was our 
first sight of an Arab woman, shrouded in black, 
her veil held by the gilt "aroosa" that looks like a 
section of gilded lead pipe, from each side of 
which her magnificent eyes looked out, their beauty 
and brilliancy enhanced by the markings of kohl 
that shaded them. 

The ride to Cairo, for many reasons, was tire- 
some, chiefly because of the dust and flies, and a 
family that shared the compartment with us and 
had a mountain of luggage. The changing interest 
of the landscape, however, made us forget the an- 
noyances, for were not scenes from the Bible spread 
out before us like an open book — the shepherd with 
his flock, the camels either resting or marching 
slowly, the mud houses surrounded by palms, the 
women carrying water- jars on their heads, walking 
splendidly, and swinging lightly from their hips; 
a family working among the fertile fields ; little 
girls tending goats and winding wool on a distaff 

287 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

as they watched, or a venerable old man in float- 
ing draperies riding a diminutive donkey. 

During the ride we were much edified by one of 
the English party with us saying as we passed a 
station: "There's a fine engine, a splendid engine, 
by Jove ! " ' ' That 's an American engine, ' ' said the 
other man, adding, before we had lost our little 
glow of patriotic pride, "but we don't care for 
them out here; they burn such a lot of coal and 
are so very dirty ! " To our humble suggestion that 
perhaps they made up for this defect by being 
fast, he assented condescendingly that they were 
fast, "but so dirty, you know!" 

The great barrage, near Cairo, constructed to 
hold back the surplus waters and thus irrigate a 
larger area, was begun in 1837 from plans made by 
Mongel Bey, a Frenchman. The English tourist 
never lets slip a chance to boast of his country's 
superiority in the matter of the reincarnation of 
Egypt under British "occupation," and a good 
story is told by Consul Penfield of one of these 
globe-trotters who was inspecting with a proud air 
the great barrage. 

"Yes, it's a great work! and these foreigners 
ought better to appreciate what we are doing for 
their good. This thing has put them on their feet, 
financially, sure enough, but I don't see that they 
show any gratitude for our having built it ! " 

' ' I beg your pardon, ' ' said the engineer in charge, 

288 




A Load of Turkeys 

The Tent in Which the Holy 
Carpet is Carried to Mecca 



A Cake-Seller 



An Egyptian Mother 



A Street Circus 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

"but this barrage was designed and built by French 
engineers. ' ' 

"I didn't know that/' replied the tourist, some- 
what subdued, "but anyway, they have to get an 
Englishman to take care of it ! ' ' 

"I beg your pardon again," said the gentleman 
with D. P. W. on his cap and shield, "I have the 
honor of being a native-born American citizen ! ' ' 

The tourist walked away muttering, "Well, I'm 
going back to Shepherd's before some one tells me 
that a Frenchman built those Pyramids over 
there!" 

At every station we saw great crowds of people 
and passed trains packed like sardines. Our in- 
terest was profound when we learned that they 
were pilgrims just starting on their long and tire- 
some journey to Mecca. They were bound for Port 
Said, where they would take ship for Jaffa, from 
there traveling to Mecca by camel and horseback, 
tho the greater majority go all the way across the 
desert on foot, thereby attaining added merit. Be- 
sides assured salvation, a trip to Mecca gives a man 
the right to wear a turban of green, the Prophet's 
own color, and the title of Hadji, and when he re- 
turns to his home he would quite naturally fresco 
over his shop- or house-door the history of the pil- 
grimage, a purple train, a red boat, a string of 
blue camels, and a yellow mosque before which 
a man in a green turban bows himself in prayer. 

289 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Beneath this highly decorative record he would 
henceforth sit serenely wearing his green turban, 
and smoking his narghile, trying to appear un- 
conscious of the looks of respectful admiration not 
unmixed with envy that are cast in his direction. 

Unfortunately we were just a day too late to see 
the procession of the Sacred Carpet in Cairo, when 
the pilgrims start on their journey. The carpet, 
that is every year taken to the Shrine at Mecca, is 
carried through the streets under a green canopy, 
accompanied by thousands of pilgrims, soldiers, 
horses, camels, and the general populace. 

When the pilgrims return from Mecca they bring 
away the carpet of the previous year, which is then 
cut into twenty-four pieces and distributed among 
as many mosques, shrines, or tombs of special holi- 
ness, where the pieces are kept as sacred relics. 

When we arrived at Cairo we were suddenly 
plunged into the sights and sounds and novelty of 
that fascinating city — camels, donkeys, with jin- 
gling bells, wild Bedouins from the desert riding 
gaily caparisoned Arab horses, men asleep on the 
sidewalks and wrapt head and body in their cloaks ; 
veiled women, noise, bustle and excitement. All 
this held our breathless interest until we were 
whirled up to Shepherd's famous hostelry. 

This hotel has been too often described to need 
any special attention now; the broad open terrace, 
where the guests sit and drink tea or coffee, watch- 

290 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

ing the varied procession of Eastern life pass, is 
well known even to those who have not seen it. 
The terrace is still there, but alas! processions no 
longer pass the door, as the street has become of 
such importance that the returning or departing 
caravans of camels, the Bedouins, the sellers of 
ducks, chickens and turkeys from the country, and 
the flocks of sheep and goats have so blocked the 
traffic that the authorities have compelled the pro- 
cessions to take other routes, to the disappointment 
of visitors who anticipated sitting at their ease and 
seeing an endless panorama from the Arabian 
Nights pass before their gaze. 

But magicians, street-musicians, and pedlers, 
a small circus composed of a donkey, a monkey, and 
a little black goat, snake-charmers, and all sorts 
of picturesque individuals may still be found on or 
Bear the terrace. One magician evolved snakes out 
of coins and bits of rag, to a running fire of re- 
marks, of which the principal ones were, " Gaily — 
gaily — gaily — coom leetle devil !" presumably mean- 
ing the small green snake that would be found 
curled in the hand of a bystander, who had been 
innocently holding, as he thought, a coin. 

One of these strolling Arabs had a snake that 
crawled in a blood-curdling manner about the man's 
head and face. But his prize card was a scorpion 
that he would take out of a box, allowing it to vi- 
ciously bite him several times, for the edification of 

291 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

any who chose to look at him. An amusing feature of 
this man's performance was the policeman's efforts 
to make him move on, without getting too near the 
dangerous performers. The man realized this, and 
when the policeman came toward him the scorpion 
was displayed ostentatiously, and the policeman 
kept a respectful distance. 

Besides these itinerant entertainers, a crowd of 
guides still swarm about the steps, soliciting one's 
patronage at every turn. Some are native Cai- 
renes in long gown and red fez, others desert Bed- 
ouins in picturesque, flowing draperies and tur- 
bans, while still others are Syrians, magnificent 
in full trousers and short jackets of fine cloth, elab- 
orately braided in gold. Aside from the necessity 
of having a guide in Cairo, his presence is a com- 
fort, inasmuch as it relieves one of the pestering 
solicitations of the others, who are really a great 
nuisance. They tell me that once in a while the 
hotel people have to shoot a few to keep them 
thinned out, but this smacked too much of Amer- 
ica and the atmosphere of the plains to be quite 
credible. 

A first drive in Cairo is a joy — the objects of in- 
terest are so unceasing and so replete with histor- 
ical meaning. The first thing to stir one 's memory 
is the opera-house, built in six weeks, so there might 
be a fitting home of song for the company of great 
French singers brought over by the royal spend- 

292 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

thrift Ismail, to assist in the gorgeous celebration 
attending the opening of the Suez Canal. 

Here was given the first performance of Verdi's 
opera "Aida," written expressly for the occasion. 
The performance was further unique from the 
fact that Mariotte Bey, the great Egyptologist gave 
his attention to the production, so that every detail 
of scenery, costume and plot was historically cor- 
rect, while the Egyptian Museum was ransacked 
for properties and jewels. It was probably the 
greatest stage production ever seen, or that ever 
could be given, and was only possible at a time 
when Ismail spent twenty-one million dollars on the 
celebration attending the opening of the Canal that 
was first and last his country's ruin. 

The beautiful Empress Eugenie, since called the 
Mother of Sorrows, was the principal guest. She 
has always received homage and admiration in 
Egypt. But there were hundreds more, not all of 
whom were royal. A special hotel was built for 
newspaper correspondents, who appreciated the at- 
tention so much that they lived there for two 
years after the celebration on the bounty of the 
man who had entertained them with such lavish 
generosity, charging their private expenses to 
laundry and hotel bills. The hotel where they 
lived so long is now the Grand Continental, 
showing that Ismail housed his guests right 
royally. 

293 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

In the Mouski, as well as other characteristically 
native streets on the way to the bazaars, every phase 
of life may be seen. Open shops, scarcely six feet 
across with imperturbable proprietors smoking 
water-pipes, a constant procession through the 
streets of donkeys and carts, loaded with veiled 
women, camels treading stealthily, one of which 
was seen daintily nibbling at the flowers on the 
Parisian bonnet of the lady in a victoria just ahead. 

Flocks of geese and turkeys might be seen driven 
along the street by venders who guided them with 
a little switch, keeping them under perfect control. 
A funeral is sure to be met with, heralded by the 
most frightful sounds of lamentation. First will 
come a company of blind men, clinging together 
and leading one another, all lamenting and crying, 
their faces twisted into the most fearful expres- 
sions of assumed grief. Behind them walk two lit- 
tle boys carrying something covered with an em- 
broidered napkin, probably the Koran ; and the 
reader of the Koran, who with his hand beside his 
mouth like a huckster shouts verses of the Koran 
at the top of his lungs. Then comes the body, rest- 
ing, without a coffin, on a bier carried high above 
the bearers' heads, and covered with an embroid- 
ered cloth. Directly back of it walk the hired 
women mourners, heavily veiled, and rivaling the 
blind men in the volume and penetrating quality 
of their lamentation. Taken altogether a Cairo 

294 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

funeral is about as noisy an affair as one could 
imagine, and the whole thing reminded me irre- 
sistibly of the Irish undertaker who, in the first 
glory of his official dignity, announced to the as- 
sembled company the order of the procession: 
4 'Now, thin, all of yees attind to me! First, the de- 
partid, thin th' f rinds of the departid; an' thin, 
th' pop'liss!" (populace). 

Professional women mourners will sit outside a 
house where a person is known to be ill, waiting 
patiently for the time when they may be needed, 
for their services begin from the moment of death, 
their wild cries and lamentings apprizing the neigh- 
borhood of the event. 

Blind men to precede the funeral procession are 
always to be had, for the city swarms with them. 
It seems as if almost every fourth or fifth person 
one meets is blind. They are, with very few ex- 
ceptions, beggars ; and this great prevalence of blind 
men, women and children is rather depressing. It 
is accounted for generally from the fact that the 
children grow up in a state of filth that is beyond 
belief. Mothers who are themselves neat and clean, 
and even drest with some pretensions to elegance, 
will allow their children to be dirty, never washing 
them, so that they may remain without attractions 
and therefore undesirable and free from the influ- 
ence of the dreaded evil eye. On the belief that 
envy, like death, loves a shining mark, their chil- 

295 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

dren never shine from soap and water, or for any 
other reason. The dirt on the poor little creatures 
attracts swarms of flies and insects, that are never 
brushed away by the devoted mothers, as such an 
act would induce misfortune. From such condi- 
tions every sort of disease results, but most fre- 
quently blindness is the penalty of this benighted 
superstition. One of the most picturesque details 
of Cairo street-life are the water-sellers, who peddle 
water carried on their backs, in swelling goatskins, 
as it has been carried for uncounted centuries. 
Many of these sell the sweet waters of the Nile, 
much prized by the people of all classes. The Arabs 
have a saying: "He who has tasted the waters of 
the Nile longs inexpressibly for them ever after." 

Public letter-carriers, readers of the Koran, and 
story-tellers are still facts in Cairo, not yet rele- 
gated to the realm of romance, and strangely pic- 
turesque to Western eyes is the row of scribes seated 
under colored umbrellas, with a small table before 
them on which are papers and ink and the little in- 
strument that is so much mightier than the sword. 
A turbaned head leans toward some fair but illit- 
erate Giulia or Teresita, who desires a message of 
greeting sent to her Paolo or Giuseppe; or a com- 
mercial missive of less sentimental importance is 
dispatched to some Mediterranean port or the busy 
Levant. 

Very laughable is the rivalry between the keepers 

296 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

of the bazaars, and bitter the denunciation that fills 
the ear of the foreigner as he stops to make a pur- 
chase. The strange medley of tongues and the 
stranger pronunciation of his own language make 
the buyer stare and then double up with laughter. 

If he select an article from the stand of the mer- 
chant on his right, the proprietor of the stand on 
his left will shriek in his ear: "No buy of heem! 
heem verra bad man! heem tief ! heem fader tief ! 
heem mudder tief! heem granfader tief! heem 
granmudder tief! no buy of heem!" while the im- 
perturbable proprietor on the right will respond in 
a low guttural like a bass solo following a soprano 
cadenza: "Heem big liar! heem go jail! heem got 
notting! Me got ebberyting! Look you! Shmakkin- 
kip (smoking-cap), packet-snif (pocket-knife), 
'ooble-booble (hubble-bubble, or water-pipe), 
preera-beed" (prayer-beads, or rosary). Then, 
with a shout of triumph, "Shlippers all! shlippers 
mooch! beada shlippers! silka shlippers! golda 
shlippers ! me got all ! heem big liar ! heem go jail ! " 
and so on, ad infinitum. 

By this my reader will perceive that shopping 
in Cairo is not all as if done in heaven, nor yet in 
the other place, and that the amenities are much 
subordinate to that love which is the root of all 
evil. 

A wedding is quite likely to follow next in the 
wonderful street procession. First is seen a clown 

297 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

or mountebank dancing, grimacing, rolling in the 
dirt and going through all sorts of antics for the 
amusement of the people. He is followed by men 
playing on a collection of shrieking and wailing 
musical instruments. Then comes the bride, some- 
times in a closely shuttered carriage draped with 
tinsel-trimmed velvet or, what is much more pic- 
turesque, a curtained litter slung between two cam- 
els. After her comes the furniture for her new 
home, for a bride is expected to provide everything, 
even to the bridegroom's trousseau. This is all piled 
on camels, which go swaying along, sneering super- 
ciliously as if deploring the foolishness of these 
human customs. A camel's expression of conscious 
superiority must be rather trying, if one sees much 
of it. 

It seems almost a waste of time to have so much 
ceremony for a relation so easily dissolved as mar- 
riage is in Cairo. A man, with or without any just 
cause, has only to say before witnesses, " Woman, 
I divorce thee ! ' ' and repeat it three times, and he 
is as free as before he married her. He must, how- 
ever, return her house-plenishing and she must 
return her dowry. This dowry consists of one-third 
of a man's possessions, which he settles on her when 
he marries her. His trousseau is probably counted 
up to profit and loss. According to the Moham- 
medan faith a man may have four wives, that is, 
"all to onct," as they say in the West. He may 

298 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

divorce them and remarry, still keeping to his al- 
lowance of four, as many times as he likes. 

All these sights and many more may be seen 
during a drive to see the whirling dervishes, who 
dance every Friday afternoon. Friday is the Mo- 
hammedan Sunday, and in the afternoon they con- 
duct this performance, which is a religious cere- 
mony, but palpably worked up for the benefit of 
the hundreds of tourists who flock to see it. 

The performance took place on an enclosed cir- 
cular floor with rugs about the edge, upon which, 
at the beginning, the dervishes to the number of 
about sixteen sat wrapt in big black cloaks and 
wearing tall felt hats. The Sheik, in a green tur- 
ban, sat on a rug of extra elegance, with the Ko- 
ran on a cushion in front of him. A solo on a wail- 
ing flute opened the performance, piercing squeals 
and breathless trills putting our nerves and teeth 
on edge, until an unseen man in the balcony cut 
it short by beginning to intone in a high-pitched 
voice a long incantation about a young person of 
the name of Moll — at least that name was all we 
understood. After that the dervishes arose, cast 
their cloaks on the ground and stood revealed in 
white robes with exceedingly full skirts, from un- 
der which their bare feet peeped out. 

Then they began a solemn procession about the 
open space, bowing to their neighbors either way, 
as they reached the rug of the Sheik. This was 

299 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

done three times, the men walking and bowing, not 
without grace and dignity. Suddenly as the third 
round was completed, the first man flung out his 
arms and began to spin round and round, his skirts 
standing away stiffly from his limbs. One could 
not but expect to see him suddenly "duck," his 
skirts billowing up around him, as little girls do 
when they play the game called "making cheeses." 
Momentarily he was joined by others until the ring 
became filled with whirling figures, each holding 
his arms and head in some distinctive position, 
some going about sedately in one spot, while others 
pirouetted airily in and out among the other 
dancers. 

One man had his arms held out in a singularly 
appealing manner, while his head was cuddled 
down on his shoulder, giving him a ridiculously 
coy expression. This is the last act. After about 
fifteen minutes of this whirling the dervishes re- 
sume their cloaks and the performance is over. 

From there we were driven to see the howling 
dervishes, a different organization, who conduct 
their religious worship on different lines. The 
commercial instinct of this sect seems more highly 
developed than that of the other, for here the sum 
of two piasters each was charged for admittance. 
As we entered the door a great volume of sound 
greeted us and rose and fell like the sound of men's 
voices chanting. 

300 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

Here was another enclosed circular space, another 
venerable Sheik in green turban, and about twenty- 
dervishes seated around the rail, all chanting : ' i Al- 
lah il Allah !"■ their bodies swaying from side to 
side as they shouted the assertion that "God is 
God" over and over again. 

They next stood up and swaying back and forth, 
convulsively, emitted gusty sighs that gradually 
grew into horrible noises as leader after leader 
sprang in front of them setting the pace faster and 
faster, a new leader taking the place of the ex- 
hausted one as he turned and bowed to the Sheik, 
signifying that he could do no more. All this time 
a blind Sheik chanted unceasingly in a high pic- 
colo voice. 

The bodies swayed and jerked more and more 
quickly, the noises grew to frenzied howls and ani- 
mal-like sounds that reminded one forcibly of the 
Zoo at feeding time. A tall, gaunt desert-priest 
stept in front of the men, bowing and swaying, 
his long hair alternately covering his face and be- 
ing tossed back over his shoulders. 

Under his leadership the dervishes became fran- 
tic; their eyes were glazed, foam flew from their 
lips and some fell prone from exhaustion. We 
stayed to see no more, it was too horrible, and hur- 
ried away, followed by a volume of inhuman cries 
and howls. 

After leaving this nerve-racking exhibition, we 

301 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

found ourselves near the Citadel, and immediately 
drove there to visit the historic stronghold. Situ- 
ated on the highest point in Cairo, it overlook? 
the entire city and a wonderful panorama beyond. 
From here we caught our first view of the Nile, 
and further out against the sky-line the pyramids 
of Ghizeh showed softly blue. This first view of 
the historic landmarks was so fascinating we could 
hardly take our attention from them to the pyra- 
mids of Sakkara at the extreme left, the city, with 
its many graceful domes and minarets, the tombs 
of the Califs at the extreme right, and behind us 
the quarries of Mokattam, from which the great 
blocks of stone that made the pyramids were taken. 

The interest of the Citadel is manifold. From 
here Saladin issued forth to do battle with the cru- 
saders. Here St. Louis was kept a prisoner; Na- 
poleon lived here and in one of the rooms conferred 
with Kleber. Grim old Mehemet Ali held it next 
and in the courtyard slaughtered the four hundred 
Mamelukes who had been bidden to a feast. Suc- 
cessive stronghold of Arab, Turk, Moslem, French 
and again Arab, it has at length become a garrison 
for the soldiers of England, the present deus ex 
machina of Egypt. 

Tho there is an old mosque within the enclo- 
sure, built in 1366, the one holding the greatest in- 
terest now is that which contains the tomb of Me- 
hemet Ali. The interior is in imitation of St. 

302 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

Sophia at Constantinople; the pillars are cased 
with alabaster, taken, the Arabs say, from Solo- 
mon's Temple at Jerusalem, but that, of course, is 
nonsense, as the last great Temple was destroyed 
during the reign of Vespasian. It was probably 
looted from somewhere, however, even as was the 
stone of the mosque itself, which originally formed 
the outside layer of the great pyramid of Cheops. 

The tombs of the Califs, surrounded by innu- 
merable Arab graves, pale in interest beside the 
crowding attractions of the Citadel. The only tomb 
of special interest now is that of Tewfik Pasha, 
father of the present Khedive. It is a modern 
building, a most perfect example of Saracenic archi- 
tecture. In this is the tomb of the widow of Ab- 
bas I., who was a rather remarkable old lady in 
many ways. Her sepulcher is of white marble of 
artistic design, made after the Arab pattern of a 
sarcophagus with a small tombstone standing up 
at each end. As for Tewfik, at present there is 
only a large wooden casing on the spot where his 
tomb is to be, over which is a cover of green velvet 
embroidered with Arabic inscriptions in gold. 

At either side of the door, in little railed-off 
niches, are two sections of the Sacred Carpet, 
framed under glass and hung on the wall. From 
these portions it may be seen that the Sacred Car- 
pet is made of silk, beautifully embroidered over 
its whole space with texts from the Koran. Every 

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SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Friday, after his visit to the mosque, the young 
Khedive comes to his father's tomb, and after a 
short prayer and meditation, goes into the courtyard 
where are gathered hundreds of poor people and 
beggars. To each of these he distributes, in mem- 
ory of his father, a plate of cooked vegetables, a 
loaf of bread, and one piaster. 

But all other tombs sink into insignificance be- 
side those gigantic piles of stone, the pyramids. 
There is an electric tramway that goes out to them 
now, but by far the most delightful way is to drive 
the ten miles out over the Nile by the beautiful 
Kasr-i-nil bridge and along the raised road (bor- 
dered by splendid acacia-trees) that was built by 
Ismail, whose extravagance, by the way, has left 
some worthy monuments. 

For a long way before reaching the pyramids the 
outline of their huge bulk looms up, holding the 
attention and firing the imagination. Directly un- 
der their shadow is the Mena Hotel, an attractive 
and comfortable house. At the gates the donkey- 
and camel-boys wait to take sightseers around the 
pyramids and over the sand to the Sphinx. 

The great pyramid of Cheops comes first and 
presents the gray hugeness of its side to the ap- 
proaching visitor. The entrance is high up in 
the front, being a little place that looks like a rab- 
bit-burrow. Down this passage, that is steep, slip- 
pery and suffocating, the Arabs push and pull the 

304 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

tourist (who has the nerve to go), until the central 
chamber, with the broken stone sarcophagus of 
the great king, is reached. The generally accepted 
thing to do is to lie down in the now empty coffin, 
certainly a gruesome thing to do, and to my mind 
impertinent. 

The other two pyramids, while wonderful in 
themselves, are rather overlooked in the presence 
of the mighty Cheops. There are the remains of 
two others, broken down and despoiled — the ruins 
of which went to build palaces and mosques in 
Cairo. 

The attendant spirits of the pyramids are Bed- 
ouins, who take possession of the sightseer, talk- 
ing, screaming, pushing, and generally conducting 
themselves like wild things. They offered to run 
up one side of the Great Pyramid and down the 
other in eight minutes if we would pay them two 
dollars. 

Others sell spurious idols and scarabs, thrusting 
their wares on one with the greatest persistence. 
One Arab thrust a horrible little idol at me, and 
when I said, "It doesn't look a bit like you," 
the vender looked surprised, but the others, who 
understood English, raised a laugh at his expense. 

I took the little idol and, with a few passes, made 
it disappear, and then found it in his turban. By 
this time there was a breathless and eager audience 
crowded about the carriage, and for ten minutes I 

305 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

did tricks with coins and handkerchiefs to the 
ecstatic joy of my audience. It seemed to please 
them, and it at least relieved me of their persistent 
importunities. 

Donkeys carried us over the loose sand to the 
Sphinx, and as no one's description had prepared 
me for the majesty, the self-contained calm of that 
wonderful creature, I am not going to attempt a 
description, where other and better men have failed. 

My personal impression was a painful sense of 
my own insignificance, the tiny span of a little 
human life in this great presence, which neverthe- 
less gives the impression of singular gentleness. 
Despite the marring of the countenance and the 
loss of the nose, there are still a depth and intensity 
of expression that are startling, and the eyes seem 
almost to follow one. The mouth remains almost 
perfect, just the beginning of a smile seeming to 
tremble at the corners. "With this same expression 
it has been gazing out across the centuries as if 
hiding some secret, and seeming rather to enjoy it. 
The secret is probably whether the Sphinx is a 
lady or gentleman, a question that is still debated. 

That the Sphinx was a sun-god there is no doubt, 
for the remains of the temple are at one side, and 
between the paws still may be seen the altar of 
black stone, at which Rameses the Great prayed 
and sacrificed, that the god would take away the 
terrible burning sands. 

306 



CAIRO OP TO-DAY 

The remains of a woman's breasts seem to point 
toward the opposite sex. The question of sex, 
however, will always be a matter of conjecture. 
The fact that the secret has been kept so long per- 
haps indicates that after all the Sphinx is not a 
woman. 

An interesting excursion is to go across the sand 
on camels to visit the pyramids of Sakkara, which, 
while they do not compare in size to those of Ghi- 
zeh, are rich in frescos and carvings in the sur- 
rounding tombs. On the way to Sakkara one sees 
a few forlorn pillars by the river, all that remains 
of the once splendid Memphis, oldest city of the 
world. 

On the return drive from the pyramids of Ghizeh 
one sees the Ghizereh Palace, which is now a hotel 
that was built by Ismail, and housed the goodly 
number of nine hundred women whom he counted 
as his harem. His palaces dot the city as do those 
that his unbridled extravance built and presented 
to other people. On the return drive one will also 
notice a most perfect golf-course in the low valley 
just below the pyramids. This and the tramway 
offer a contrast of the ages that is truly unique. 

The villages of the Bedouins who haunt the pyr- 
amids also dot this fertile plain. They own most 
of the adjacent land, and our guide informed us 
are very well-to-do. They make a good living by 
acting as guides, while their families cultivate the 

307 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

crops. Their most notable services lie in keeping 
the Sphinx from becoming covered by the drifting 
sands, which they religiously dig away. Of course, 
it is to their interest to do this, but one can not 
help feeling grateful for it. 

There are guides and guides, and the chief ac- 
complishment of them all is that they can lie in 
seven different languages. This applies chiefly to 
those in the Orient. At the Galleface Hotel, Co- 
lombo, the manager warned us that he would not 
be responsible for any missing luggage, mail or tel- 
egrams, or for any acts of omission or commission 
on the part of his servants. 

"All of the tribe are rascals, thieves, and liars, 
and having warned you, I have done my duty!" 
But we did not suffer from a fulfilment of any 
such warning. Barring the overcharge at the gate 
of entrance to the hotel, they seemed pleasant fel- 
lows and both cheerful and obliging. 

An Englishman, who engaged a servant in Cey- 
lon, said: "He wasn't half -bad. To be sure, he 
asked me four times as much for his services as he 
had ever received before, but I engaged him on 
the porter's recommendation, who probably was a 
fellow conspirator. My man was willing, even if 
he was lazy. He got blind-drunk only once, and 
limited his stealings to an automatic cigar-lighter, 
which he very much admired, and called 'Massa's 
fire-box.' " 

308 




Water-Sellers The Sphinx 

Rapid Transit in the Desert 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

Our guide at Cairo prided himself upon his Eng- 
lish. Seeing a eow being milked on the street — the 
very direct method practised in Cairo — we stopt 
to witness the operation. "Ah! de cow!" said our 
guide, ' ' dis is how dey do ; always dey sell de milk 
on de cow, for fear of alteration ! J ' 

By the way, the guides have all been to Chicago — 
that is, they say they have. ' ' Oh, yes ! I haf been 
to America. I was at Chiekago Exposish — oh, 
yes!" 

But if all the guides and shopkeepers who said 
they had been to Chicago really had been there, 
the Exposition must have built several wings and 
a large annex, or it never could have held them. 

In these villages may be seen the Egyptian incu- 
bators that have performed the maternal duties of 
hens for centuries. So long has natural incubation 
been taken away from Egyptian hens that they 
have quite outgrown the desire to "set" and limit 
their duties to only the laying of the eggs. 

These incubators are simple in the extreme, be- 
ing just a little pen of bricks made from Nile mud, 
inside of which the eggs are put on the warm sand, 
and being tended by a woman or an old Arab, are 
turned constantly until the chicks break out. Mil- 
lions of eggs a year are hatched in Egypt in just 
this way, a fashion, it is said, that antedates the 
pyramids themselves. 

Opposite the Ghizereh Palace is the spot where 

309 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

Moses was found in the bulrushes, and further up, 
near the ruins of Memphis, is the Island of Roda, 
and the ancient Nilometer, whose records of the 
Nile's rise have been kept for a thousand years. 

If it is near sunset when you return along the 
road to Cairo, ycu will be sure to meet strings of 
camels marching home from the day's work, as 
cynical and deliberate as ever, and flocks of sheep 
and goats followed by the shepherd in long gown 
and cloak, his staff in his hand, and generally car- 
rying a lamb or a kid too young and feeble to keep 
up with the flock. 

Both goats and cattle are milked at the pur- 
chaser 's door in Cairo, such direct methods admit- 
ting of no adulteration. Generally a boy accom- 
panies the cow with a stuffed calf under his arm. 
This is supposed to induce the cow to stand more 
quietly and to give more milk. No matter how old 
or worn out the calf may be, how stuffing may pro- 
trude from yawning rents, the cow is never given 
credit for discrimination enough to distinguish be- 
tween this monstrosity and her own calf, or to be 
supposed to know her own offspring. It struck me 
that the cow was not the most deceived party, and 
that the Arabs who conduct this farce show the 
wisdom of the ostrich. 

Speaking of these intelligent birds reminds me 
of the ostrich farm we visited at Metaryeh, on the? 
edge of the Libyan desert. We drove first to see 

310 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

Mary's Well and tree, under which the Holy Fam- 
ily rested when they were fleeing into Egypt. The 
tree is an ancient sycamore, only a withered branch 
of the original one being left. The well is singu- 
larly clear and sweet for that country, where most 
wells are brackish. The legend is that Mary washed 
Jesus' clothes in it, and since then it has been dis- 
tinguished by unusual purity and coolness. The 
ostrich farm was rather disappointing. The only 
thing diverting was to see the greedy things swal- 
low whole oranges at one gulp. 

The object of greatest interest in the neighbor- 
hood is the obelisk of Heliopolis, all that remains 
of that magnificent City of the Sun. It is sixty- 
six feet tall, the smallest of the trio that formerly 
graced the city. Those in New York and London 
are the two others. Taken from Heliopolis to Alex- 
andria by either Caesar or Cleopatra, they remained 
there until taken away during the reign of Ismail, 
the prodigal, who was as careless of Egypt's antiq- 
uities as he was of her honor. To New York fell 
the distinction of possessing the finest of all these 
rifled monuments of Egypt, graven as it is with 
the pictured history of the reigns of the great 
Thothmes, Seti, father of Rameses the Great, and 
the first Rameses. 

A visit to the museum is a natural consequence 
of having viewed all these antiquities. There one 
may see all that remains of men who were respon- 

311 



SMILING 'EOUND THE WORLD 

sible for them. To one who has never seen an un- 
wrapt mummy it is rather a startling sight. They 
are so ghastly, and yet retain the semblance of life 
to such a disconcerting extent. It is hard to realize 
their great antiquity, when one sees the perfect 
features, the white teeth and the clustering hair. 
A strange thing about the hair is that the process 
of mummifying has had some chemical effect, turn- 
ing it a peroxide yellow, that looks ridiculously 
frivolous on their venerable heads. 

Having lasted, heaven knows how many centu- 
ries, these gentlemen looked as tho they were fixt 
for all time. They were certainly done up in good 
shape: no mercerized business, but the real thing. 
And, as I stood and looked at them, I laughed at 
the recollection of Mark Twain's good old story, 
which ought to be new to this generation, of the 
poor old colored woman who fell in a fit on the 
hot stove and was burned to death. " Literally 
roasted alive — our poor old Betsy," said her em- 
ployer to his neighbor, the famous humorist. "And 
now, Mr. Clemens," continued the gentleman, "we 
feel that you can suggest something appropriate 
and touching to put on her tombstone — poor old 
Betsy! she served us so many years — and literally 
roasted alive!" 

"Well," drawled Mark, "I should think a well- 
known line from the Scriptures would about fit 
the job: 'Well done y good and faithful servant!' " 

312 




Public Letter- Writer The Obelisk at Heliopolis 

Sleeping in the Street 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

Rameses the Great has had his picture taken so 
often that his features were fairly familiar to us, 
with his high Roman nose and general air of 
haughty superiority. His father, Seti, who reposes 
in the next case, was far better-looking to our 
minds, tho none of the mummies would be specially 
remarked for beauty. But in life, Seti must have 
been a singularly handsome man, with a noble and 
commanding presence. The other Egyptian antiq- 
uities of every sort held no attractions for us in 
comparison with the mortal shells of these great 
ones of the earth. 

In Cairo are many soldiers. The Egyptians num- 
ber several thousand, while there is a large garrison 
of British soldiers. Enlistment in the Egyptian 
army is compulsory as in Germany. A young man 
has to serve five years, for which he receives one 
piaster a day. This method of supplying the army 
is very unpopular among the people, who have not 
the martial spirit very deeply implanted in them. 
They go to the greatest extremes in order to escape 
service. They have been known to blind themselves 
in one eye or maim themselves in some way, so as 
to be disabled. 

Joining the university is the most painless and, 
therefore, most popular method of escaping enlist- 
ment. This university is probably the most unique 
in the world, and undoubtedly the largest, for there 
is a roll of about twelve thousand students. They 

313 



SMILING 'BOUND THE WORLD 

come from every part of Asia and Africa, or wher- 
ever Mohammedans are, for it is a school founded 

« 

in the Moslem faith. The building is known as the 
University Mosque, and the classes are held in the 
great open court where students and professors 
sit on the floor, all talking and studying aloud. 

A good many of the professors are blind, and 
each teacher has his particular pillar in the court, 
which is his regular station. As a boy is advanced 
from one class to another it may be literally said 
that he is sent ' c from pillar to post. ' ' Students pay 
no tuition fee, as it is a free school, endowed by 
bequests from wealthy Moslems. They are per- 
mitted to sleep on the premises if they wish, but 
must supply their own food. 

Professors receive no money, their remuneration 
consisting of a food allowance, out of which they 
make something, for some of them are given as 
high as seven hundred loaves of bread a week, 
which they undoubtedly sell outside or to students. 

Geography, philosophy, logic, a certain amount 
of history, and writing in the beautiful flowing 
Arabic characters are taught, but the principal 
study is the Koran, which students must learn 
entirely by heart. While not as large as the Chris- 
tian Bible, it is a good-sized book, comprizing over 
a hundred chapters, hence it is quite a feat to 
commit it all. 

Everything is taught orally; there are no books, 

314 



CAIRO OF TO-DAY 

save the Koran, and paper is not used, save for 
writing. It is not surprising that the course takes 
from five to seven years. The great majority of 
the students become priests or teachers. There is 
no such thing as a commercial course or a law 
school. 

The law is a complicated affair in Cairo, for 
every legation has power over the subjects of its 
country, and a foreign lawbreaker can be tried only 
by the representatives of his own country. There 
is a mixed court, where commissioners of the dif- 
ferent countries sit with the Egyptian justice. 

England parades her military power constantly 
before the eyes of the Egyptians, compelling the 
appointment only of those officials that are friendly 
to her interests. 

Six powers have their hands on the cash-box, and 
no appropriation can be made without their permis- 
sion. Turkey as suzerain gets several million dol- 
lars a year tribute. The Khedive is merely a fig- 
urehead, and the whole country, in sorrow and 
poverty, pays for the mad extravagance of Ismail 
Pasha and his legacy of a debt of five hundred 
million dollars. 



315 



XXI 

NAPLES 

The Famous Bay — Beautiful Shore-Line to Pompeii — Her- 
culaneum — We Walk on the Seething Crust of Solfa- 
tara — Pozzuoli — Baiae and Its Famous Kuins — We 
Lunch at the Little Inn and Drink the Historic Wine of 
Posilipo — l ' Spaghett ! ' ' — Agrippina 'a Villa and Her 
Cruel Muider — The Grotto del Cane — The Neapolitan 
Puppy— I Tell Him a Story— < ' Shall I T'row Heem 
in?" — The American's Unexpected Reply — The Pink 
Coral Grotto — How the Head Rower Tried to do Us — 
The Landlord's Pathetic Appeal— I Call My Bluff— We 
Leave Naples with a Sense of Relief. 

THE approach to Naples should never be oth- 
erwise than by the sea. To slip from the 
blue Mediterranean into her lovely bay, 
around which circle historic hill and peak, moun- 
tain, castle and vine-clad ruin, is a delight never to 
be forgotten. 

The mountain promontory of Sorrento stretches 
landward, a dense purple mass ; to the right, lovely 
Capri floats upon the water's bosom; over Ischia 
towers volcanic Epomeo, reminder of the destruc- 
tion of twenty years ago ; the whole shore is one 
continuous chain of towns linked by historic asso- 
ciation and medieval romance. 

316 



NAPLES 

We spent five days at Naples, and filled every 
hour of it with sightseeing. The train from Na- 
ples to Pompeii follows the beautiful shore-line 
closely, and lovely glimpses of the sea are to be 
had at different turns, but the near-by prospective 
can not strictly be called inviting. Tumble-down 
houses, from the windows of which lean dirty 
women and children with unkempt hair, filled the 
foreground, while long rows of variously colored 
garments flapped from clothes-lines overhead. 

Of course we stopt at Herculaneum; but what 
can I add to the tributes that have been paid 
to that wonder of wonders ? From its three strata 
of towns have been exhumed the rarest and choicest 
treasures that adorn the Naples Museum. 

We walked upon the crust of the seething volcano 
of Solfatara, now half extinct. In fact, it has lain 
torpid for seven centuries, and is now spread with 
a lush vegetation in the spring-time, and the walk 
to it, at that season, is through an enclosure like a 
lovely park of winding alleys and flower-edged 
paths. But in January we saw only the bare crust 
of the crater, from whose clefts came puffs of white 
smoke, warnings that at any moment its hidden 
fires might break forth. We did not, as at Ha- 
waii, drop our visiting-cards into the clefts, only to 
see them burst into flame and be consumed in a few 
seconds, for we were not so curious about subter- 
ranean matters as when we were fresh and green 

317 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

in globe-trotting experiences ; but we ventured out 
in obedience to our guide, in whom a long familiar- 
ity with craters had doubtless bred contempt, to 
within a few feet of the center. He stamps upon 
it and says it is hollow. It certainly appears so. 
He jumps upon it and the surface quivers. You 
begin to feel creepy up and down your spinal 
column, but, led on by his urgent appeals and as- 
sertions of "no fear! not be 'fraid!" you follow 
him on tiptoe to the very middle of the rocking 
thing, hoping with all your soul that it will hold 
together until you are safely off it, when you come 
to a hole out of which curl a little vapor and a 
curious murmuring sound as of some giant mum- 
bling in his sleep. 

And that is the moment in which you wish you 
hadn't come. But you are induced to lean over 
and peer down into the hole, and are fascinated 
by the stirring and moving of boiling mud — horrid 
gray mud that reminds you instantly of Kipling's 
"great, gray, greasy Limpopo river," only this is a 
lake, but gray and greasy enough in all conscience, 
seething and boiling in the vent-hole, and rising and 
falling with the escaping gas that bubbles and 
bursts, and then collects and bursts again. A mo- 
ment or two of this and I was glad to speed back 
to the solid earth, to thank my stars that I hadn't 
fallen through altogether. 

From Solfatara we looked down upon PozzuoH, 

318 



NAPLES 

once a port of Kome, whose wharves resounded with 
the peaceful stir of commerce. 

The lovely Bay of Baiae that was once lined with 
the palace-villas of wealthy Bomans, much as New- 
port's shore is to-day, held our interest for a couple 
of hours. We explored the ruins of a castle built 
by a Spanish viceroy, which stands on the site of 
Nero's villa; we compared it for beauty to the 
lonely temple of Serapis we had just left behind 
us near Pozzuoli, long buried beneath the sea, to 
be at last cast up by some mighty upheaval of un- 
seen internal force. The beautiful curved shore, 
"so beautiful yet so deadly," from the wilderness 
of craters which abound there, fascinated us com- 
pletely. We lunched at a little inn at Baiae, where 
we had some of the famed wine of Posilipo and were 
amused by the importunities of the peasant beg- 
gars, who very successfully wheedled us out of our 
spare coppers by their whines and wiles galore. 

In Egypt it was "bakshish!" in our ears from 
morning till night; throughout Europe cries of 
"pourboire" and "Trinkgeld" haunted one's foot- 
steps ; but ancient little Naples had a word all her 
own. It was i i Spaghett ! ' ' Simply that, and noth- 
ing more. No last syllable with crisp accent; but 
the shortened curt "Spaghett!" was hurled at us 
from every corner and followed, with deafening 
echoes, our vanishing carriage-wheels. "Spa- 
ghett! Spaghett!" Methinks I hear it now, and 

319 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

I shall certainly never eat spaghetti again without 
being reminded of this slogan of the Neapolitan 
beggar. 

Beside the Lucrine Lake we stood and conjured 
up the spot where the villa of Agrippina, mother 
of Nero, probably stood; but the thought of her 
cruel murder at the hands of her monster of a son 
did not mingle pleasantly with the peaceful lap- 
ping of the waves against the reeds, so we turned 
away and asked to be taken to the Grotto del Cane, 
or Dog Grotto, that amazing sepulcher of animal 
hopes and fears which year by year has drawn 
thousands of visitors to its rocky sides. 

As if in keeping with its treacherous fame, the 
guide who shows you the place is a full-fledged 
brigand who, "when work is slow," ekes out a sub- 
sistence by playing at guide. Ten to one he has a 
little dog at his heels and thereby hangs a tale. 
While you listen to the guide the puppy looks up 
at you with blinking eyes and a grin of confidence, 
the while his busy tail seems to say, "I know you'll 
never put me in that poisonous hole, will you?" 
And you can't keep your eyes off his silly little 
face, until you find yourself wondering if he's like 
your little dog at home, your far-away "Buster," 
whose friendly face and welcome bark you have 
missed more than you would care to say. Certainly, 
this idiotic little pup bears no outward resem- 
blance to your far-away "Buster." But, inwardly 

320 



NAPLES 

— how about that? There lies a story. Shall you 
tell it to the guide ? No, he 's a brigand and might 
demand a ransom for permitting you to live ; for no 
doubt he'd rather kill you outright than have you 
live to tell another story. Hurrah! now you've 
got it — happy thought! You'll try it on the dog. 
Fixing him with your eye you begin : 

"The fleas bothered my dog so, I concluded I'd 
teach 'em a lesson I learned long ago but never 
put in practise. I sent and got a piece of liver 
and put it near the dog. The fleas all hopped on to 
it and stuck. Just as I was getting ready to throw 
it in the fire, I turned my back for a moment and 
the dog ate the liver, fleas and all. Now he's fleas 
lined." 

But about the Dog Grotto. Well, it's filled with 
carbonic-acid gas, and for generations guides have 
made money out of tourists by shoving some poor 
little canine into the cave and keeping him there 
until his legs began to totter and his head to whirl, 
when they would haul him out and souse him in 
the near-by lake until he revived; and revive he 
must, for was there not another tourists' carriage 
coming down the hill? But sometimes doggie 
didn't revive. Well, he was only a dog, and there 
had been instances where men had perished in the 
foul-smelling cave. But that was ages ago. There 
was a French king who brought a donkey to the 
Grotto and tried the effect of the gas on him. The 

321 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WORLD 

animal died. But why the king tried it on a don- 
key I don't know, unless that a fellow-feeling makes 
us — but no, I won't. Then there was an early 
Spanish viceroy who wanted to decide whether the 
gas was in prime condition or not; so he put two 
of his slaves in the cave and they were brought out 
dead, which spoke well for the gas, at any rate. 

Nowadays the question as to the virtue of the 
gas is more humanely settled. The guide takes a 
burning torch and plunges it into the cave. In- 
stantly it goes out. But if the act is repeated 
several times, the gas, impregnated with smoke, 
1 ' assumes the appearance of a silver sea, flowing in 
rippling waves against the black wall of the cav- 
ern." A good story is told of the guides of that 
region. As a matter of fact, they are wholly un- 
reliable with their high-sounding names of this 
broken wall or that defaced inscription. 

It is said that they keep a little dog which they 
offer up as a sacrifice on the altar of the tourist's 
curiosity. " Shall I throw him in?" they will ask 
the visitor; and if he be of a humane disposition, 
he will quickly reply, " Certainly not! what d' you 
think I am?" And the guide will say — making a 
shrewd guess — "I teenk you are American. Eng- 
lees he say, 'Yaas, bah Jove, t'row leetle beggar 
een!' " 

But once there came along an American, whom 
the guide took to be English, and when he asked, 

322 



NAPLES 

" Shall I t'row leetle beggar een?" the American 
replied, "If you do, I'll throw your d d car- 
cass in after him ! ' ' 

The thing to do while at Naples is to go to the 
pink coral grotto; so to the pink coral grotto we 
went. It lies between the Bay of Pozzuoli and that 
special little bay where Pliny kept his navy. We 
went out in a boat with four rowers, the chief 
of whom gave us large bunches of taffy about 
our country — "beeyuteeful America," "fine New 
York, ' ' etc. — he had traveled, oh, yes ! he had been 
to Jib-later (Gibraltar) and to America — "beeyu- 
teeful country !" etc., until it came time to return, 
when the fellow demanded that we pay them a 
franc each then and there, instead of the equiva- 
lent of ten cents each on the return to the shore. 
Upon refusal, he worked himself up into a hys- 
terical sort of paroxysm and shrieked, "No! not 
shore ! in de boat ! in de boat ! ' ' But my American 
nerve rose to the occasion and I flatly refused, 
notwithstanding that the situation began to get 
strained. 

Sulkily he gave in, and uttered the command 
to return to land, and slowly we were propelled — 
so slowly, indeed, that I had serious misgivings that 
we were to spend the night upon the darkening 
sea; while the muttered abuse of our country — 
'Vile country — people villains — dirty New York 
— America all thieves!" — made me long to knock 

323 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

the rascal overboard and have done with him. 
However, as we approached the shore they became 
more civil, and, as we alighted — glad to be back 
with a whole skin! — they bowed and scraped, cap 
in hand, begging for a settlement at once. But 
no, the game was now in my hand, and marching 
up to the hotel I demanded of the manager how 
it was that he sent his guests out with a parcel of 
rascals and extortionists, terrifying hapless for- 
eigners and indulging in foul abuse of their coun- 
try, etc., etc. He rolled his eyes to heaven and 
protested that he knew nothing of such methods; 
they were honest fellows, and hard-working, and, 
by the Madonna and all the saints! he had no 
knowledge of such iniquities ; it was incredible — im- 
possible! etc., etc. 

"Here!" said I, "here is your money, accord- 
ing to the agreement I made with you. I will pay 
no extra extortion nor be terrified into doing so. 
And, furthermore, for the protection of my coun- 
trymen, I will publish far and wide, I will print 
in every newspaper of America the name of 
your hotel, and the rascally doings of your 
employees ' ' 

I got no further, for the fellow, with a howl of 
anguish, fell upon his knees and with clasped hands 
implored me not to ' ' put it in de paper — not to 
ruin heem! — hees famlee, dey starve! do not put 
in de paper!" 

324 




Seeing Pompeii 



A Policeman of Naples 



Eating Spaghetti 



NAPLES 

Suppressing the laughter which his ridiculous 
terror evoked, I consented to relent and peace was 
restored. When we entered our carriage the row- 
ers were waiting, cap in hand, quite civil and in- 
gratiating — but I ignored them completely, and we 
drove off followed by a storm of curses and male- 
dictions hurled at the American whom they found 
they couldn't bluff. 



325 



XXII 
GIBRALTAR 

First View Disappointing — Adequate Armament — Every- 
thing Truly English — We Drive About and Make Some 
Purchases — Tommy Atkins Shows Us the Gates — Beau- 
tiful Flowers Blooming Everywhere — British Domina- 
tion Apparent — Will England Ever Eestore the Bock? 
— Her Eule in Egypt Greatly Beneficial — Possession 
Nine Points of the Law — Homeward Bound — We Em- 
bark for America — Passing Through the Azores — Eeal 
Paradises — We Sight Fayal — Temperature Becomes 
Cooler — I Put on Two Overcoats — Can Almost Smell 
Broadway — The Narrows — The Goddess Waves Her 
Torch at Us — We Sweep Up to the Dock — Smiling 
Faces and Outstretched Hands — Dear Old New York — 
Glorious America — Beloved Home! 

A FEW hours on the famous rock were all 
we seemed to care for. Bright sunshine 
lit up the smooth waters of Gibraltar Bay 
as we sailed into it and cast anchor. The first 
view of the great fortress is disappointing; one 
small cannot at the signal-station conveys no im- 
pression of a great fortress. A garrison of 7,000 
men, however, requires a heavy armament, as we 
soon found was here the case, upon landing, and 

326 



GIBRALTAR 

to count the number of guns in position would 
have been a rather tiresome task. 

Everything is truly English at the rock. The 
British atmosphere pervades everything, and a pop- 
ulation of 20,000 civilians makes a lively town. We 
drove about in a small carriage something like a 
gharry, going among the shops, making some pur- 
chases of Moorish curios, and inspecting the masked 
batteries. Of course, Tommy Atkins is everywhere 
in evidence. One politely showed us the Moorish 
and Spanish Gates, the rich carvings of which were 
very beautiful. We also admired the profusion 
of gladioli and japonicas that were blooming every- 
where. 

My idea of the Strait was that of a body of wa- 
ter of considerable size. What was my amazement 
to find it looking almost narrow enough to jump 
across. Of course, this is hyperbole; but, really 
and truly, it is small wonder the Moors got across 
and swarmed all over Spain. 

British domination is apparent everywhere; and 
its foes can not build much hope for expecting any 
radical change of program in any dominion where 
British ' ' occupation ■ ' has been an established fact 
for years. 

Greatly to my surprise and, I may add, amuse- 
ment, we were told that to this day there is a smol- 
dering expectation in Spain as to when England 
will restore to their government the famous 

327 



SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD 

rock; and that for over a century there has been 
regularly appointed from Madrid a grandee to the 
governorship of the big promontory that holds for 
the British the control of the Mediterranean. The 
restoration of Gibraltar to Spain is as unlikely as 
the departure of the English from Egypt. This 
is doubtless as undeniable as that other statement 
to the effect that England's capacity for conduct- 
ing colonies and rehabilitating run-down countries 
amounts almost to genius. And it can not be de- 
nied that her rule in Egypt has materially bene- 
fited that people. As to Gibraltar, of course, the 
old saying that possession is nine points of the law 
holds good as to that stronghold and England's 
firm grasp upon it. 

But our few hours were drawing to a close ; and, 
rather reluctantly, we prepared to embark upon 
the good ship that was to bear us away from our 
last look upon European shores — for pleasant in- 
deed had been our sojourn in the land of the 
stranger. 

As Gibraltar vanished in our wake, the throb- 
bing of the engines made the sweetest kind of 
music in our ears, for were we not homeward 
bound? 

The usual experiences of a sea-trip were ours; 
life aboard ship, after one had had a six months' 
turn at it by intervals, becomes like a lesson learned 
long ago. 

328 



GIBRALTAR 

In the Azores we saw heavenly-looking places, 
real paradises, beautifully green and pictur- 
esquely mountainous, down which long waterfalls, 
veiled in silver mist, plunged noiselessly. We passed 
so near it almost seemed that we could put out our 
hand and touch the lovely shores ; and we were also 
in sight of Fayal. 

Gradually the temperature cooled and it became 
cold, not to say icy. Sitting on deck was no longer 
a pleasure. After the stifling heat of Singapore 
ana Ceylon, the summer warmth of Cairo and Na- 
ples, even the breezy balminess of Gibraltar, we 
seemed to be entering the arctic zone. But, never 
mind, it was the Atlantic ; it was New York-ward ; 
it was Home. 

Leaning over the rail in a piercing February at- 
mosphere, even tho encased in two overcoats, I felt 
that nothing could dampen the ardor of that 
home-coming. My heart thumped joyously in 
unison with the engines. I could almost smell 
Broadway. 

We passed the Narrows; we neared the Liberty 
Goddess, and I could have sworn she waved her 
torch at us; we steamed up the bay — ah! talk of 
Naples, of Manila, of Genoa, or any of the rest of 
them ! There are bays and bays, but this — this was 
our very own ! We loved it, we gloried in it ! No 
landing in a sampan, or a dugout, or any other 

329 



SMILING 'SOUND THE WOBLD 

kind of a throw-out; but a royal sweep up to the 
side of the great pier lined with smiling faces and 
outstretched hands. 

Dear old New York! glorious America! beloved 
Home! 



THE END 



330 



By Marshall P. Wilder 



The Sunny Side 
of the Street 



Mr. Wilder* s Own Introduction : 

In this little volume are offered recollections of the sunny 
side of many people. I have plucked the blossoms from 
the gardens of humor and pathos, which lie side by side, 
and in weaving them into a garland, claim only as my 
own the string that binds them together. 



A BOOK brimful of sparkling effervescent humor 
and the most genuine entertainment. All his 
wealth of acquaintances, experiences, art, and 
characteristics he has utilized in this mirth-provoking 
book. It is wonderfully rich in personalia — a con- 
tinuous series of anecdotes and observations, largely 
humorous, some pathetic. Mr. Wilder himself says : 
' « I live on the sunny side of the street ; shady folks 
live on the other side. I always preferred the sun- 
shine and have tried to put other people there. As 
« birds of a feather flock together,' it has been my good 
fortune to meet thousands of other people on the sunny 
side of the street. In this volume I have endeavored 
to distribute some of the sunshine these fine fellows un- 
loaded on me." 

Have you ever laughed with Marshall P. Wilder ? 
If you have you will be the first to get a copy of his 
new book of fun and reminiscence. If you haven't then 
you can not imagine the treats in store for you when you 
open its pages. It is just bubbling over with wit and 
things bright, happy and entertaining. It is a book to 
drive all care and worry to the winds ; every line is 
true to its title. 



"The Sunny Side of the Street" 



Marshall P. Wilder — 

"The Prince of Entertainers/' 

President Theodore Roosevelt : 

"Mr. Wilder's stories were excellent." 
H. M. King Edward VII. : 

"A very clever little gentleman." 
H. M. Queen Alexandra: 

"His stories were so bright." 
Ex- President Grover Cleveland : 

"The prince of entertainers." 
The Hon. Chauncey M. Depew: 

"His mirth is contagious." 
Madame Adelina Patti: 

"I am always delighted to hear Mr. Wilder." 
Madame Bernhardt : 

"Marshall P. Wilder is an artist." 
Thomas A. Edison: 

"No one has had a greater success." 
Henry Folger: 

"Brevity is the soul of wit; you are it." 



The Late Vice-Pres. Benjamin Harrison: 

"Mr. Wilder has a wonderful talent." 
The Late Rt. Hon. W. E. Gladstone, M.P. : 

"He is the soul of humor." 
The Late General U. S. Grant : 

"He is a real genius." 
The Late General W. T. Sherman: 

"He makes the world brighter." 
The Late Sig. Salvini : 

"He is a most clever mimic." 
The Late Sir Henry Irving: 

"He is a wonderful student of character. 5 
The Late Joseph Jefferson : 

"A capital imitation of me as 'Rip/ ' 
The Late Sir Henry M. Stanley: 

"There is rare tonic to his wit." 
The Late Sir Arthur Sullivan : 

"He keeps the world smiling." 
The Late Henry Ward Beecher : 

"There is sunshine in his presence." 



"The Sunny Side of the Street" 



" Laugh and the World 
Laughs with You " 

can be truly said of Marshall P. Wilder, the captiva- 
ting entertainer of Presidents, Kings, Princes and the 
great public. As the Hon. Chauncey M. Depew 
says, "His mirth is contagious," and as the Hon. 
Henry Labouchere remarked, " He makes melancholy 
fly apace." You'll find laughs bubbling all through 
this new book. 



" Mirth is Medicine and 
Laughter Lengthens Life" 

If this be true (and few will gainsay it), then all 
who read this lightsome volume should live to a healthy, 
happy old age, for here is a book bubbling over with 
real spontaneous humor from one of the world's born 
fun-makers, and with many a bit of wit from other 
inimitable merry-makers. 

Laughing with Eminent Men 

In its irresistible pages you will find a wealth of in- 
teresting personalia about prominent men the author has 
known, including King Edward, President McKinley, 
Henry Ward Beecher, Joseph Jefferson, Chauncey M. 
Depew, John D. Rockefeller, Cornelius Vanderbilt, 
General Sherman, and scores of others. 

The San Francisco Chronicle says: — " There are 
bright little stories about each of them, stories that are 
unfailingly free from any bitter taint. Mr. Wilder has 
enjoyed the friendship of many distinguished, not to say 
great men and women, and he has used their friendship 
without abusing it." 



"The Sunny Side of the Street" 

A Book with a Laugh on 
Almost Every Page 

" There's a laugh on almost every page of the book. 
Indeed, it starts right in before one has looked any 
further than the cover, and it couldn't very well begin 
much sooner/' — Newark (N. y.) Daily Advertiser. 

A Sure Dispeller of 
"The Blues" 



It is a sure dispeller of the blues for it takes the misan- 
thropic reader along < the sunny side of the street, ' and 
shows him the sunny side of persons and things." — 
Lewis ton ( Me. ) Evening Journal. 

Better than Fifty-two 

Sundays of Sermons 

" If you wish to be pleasantly entertained for many 
an idle half-hour, this * The Sunny Side of the Street ' 
will well repay its purchase. And if you can read be- 
tween the lines and see the pathos of the whole thing, 
the bravery and optimism of the little man, you will 
find it better for your soul than a library of tracts or a 
fifty-two Sunday sitting under a fashionable preacher." 
— Cleveland Plain- Dealer. 

Makes Cares Disappear 



"Like Ships in the Night' 

" It is brimful of good humor and in its reading cares 
disappear ' like ships in the night. ' If you want a few 
hours to glide by with fond recollections of one who 
has made you laugh even in spite of yourself, read 
Marshall P. Wilder' s < Sunny Side of the Street.' "— 
Temple Messenger, Hot Springs, Ark. 



"The Sunny Side of the Street " 

"Opens One's Eyes to 
Life's Sunshine" 

" Mr. Wilder has given his public a very charming 
and clever book. ... So many otherwise dowered 
people are blind to the light of life, that for this God- 
given talent of opening the eyes of the mentally blind 
to the sunshine Mr. Wilder has the thanks of many to 
whose hearts he has brought cheer. The man who can 
make the world smile is a blessing, and this little man 
merits the highest praise.' ' — Post- Intelligencer, Seattle. 

Don't Call the Doctor — 
Get this Book 



* € What the Burlington (Iowa) Hawk- Eye editor thinks 
of it may be summed up in the statement that he uses it 
instead of calling the doctor in times of physical ailment. ' ' 

Like Flowers Gathered from 
Many Fields 



" Mr. Wilder seems to have known everybody 
worth knowing — all the brightest and brainiest men, on 
the stage and in the pulpit — and from each he has 
gathered some little bit of life that makes his volume one 
of unusual interest." — New Orleans Picayune, 

Tickles Till You Laugh 

" Altogether it is a delightful book; you can pick it 
up and begin anywhere, but it will be impossible for 
you to find a page which will not amuse you and tempt 
you to read another, and then two more, and so on, 
turning backward and forward as the moment serves. 
It will beguile into laughter and give you a restful half- 
hour." — Brooklyn Eagle. 



"The Sunny Side of the Street" 



It's Wilder Himself 
Through and Through 

" The book is not merely a haphazard omium gath- 
erum of anecdotes, but is enlivened throughout with the 
author's keenly observant comments of the different 
manners of people he has met, and on the different 
styles of humor peculiar to their vocations and modes 
of life." — New York Tribune. 

Hundreds of Jolly Laughs 

" He is a morose man who will not be melted by 
the humor of Marshall P. Wilder' s « The Sunny Side 
of the Street.' There are hundreds of good laughs in 
the book."— The Globe, New York. 

Like a Hand Full of Tricks 

<< The book from beginning to end will amuse, and, 
before you suspect the trick that's being played on you, 
it may get in a little instruction as to the easy way to 
handle life." — Spokesman Review, Spokane, Wash. 



Richly Bound and Illustrated Volume 

" The volume is handsomely printed and bound, 
and contains a number of sketches that are quite in har- 
mony with the vivacious tone of the book." — The 
Argonaut, San Francisco. 

Photogravure Portrait of the Author, Humorous Draw- 
ings by Bart Haley, Cover Design by Charles Graham. 
12 mo. cloth, Decorative Cover. Price, $1.20. 



FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers 
NEW YORK LONDON 



MAY 2 I9G8 



/ 



